Work

Stoner

By Stoner - 25/04/2023 20:00 - Australia - Sydney

Today, I was supposed to wash my wife's underwear, then go to work and interview a new educator at 10.30am. I ended up smoking weed, getting stoned, and sitting in my car at 11.00am at a McDonald's. I'm now sitting at my desk and still high as fuck. FML

I agree, your life sucks 116

You deserved it 2 063

That's not how any of this works

By Not your bulter - 25/04/2023 06:00

Today, my fiancée's life ambition is to become a "couch slug" so she presented me with a brilliant plan: She wants to go on medical leave from work and apply for disability payments. She's perfectly capable, just extremely lazy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 868

You deserved it 214

My finest hour

By Anonymous - 25/04/2023 00:00

Today, I presented the worst seminar presentation probably in the entire history of my graduate department. I kept stumbling over questions, and overall, making an ass out of myself. I probably should leave my masters program at how thoroughly I burned myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 676

You deserved it 207

Robotic

By Anonymous - 24/04/2023 18:00

Today, a journal article I'd written was identified as an "AI-written" article, even though I've never used any AI tools. FML

I agree, your life sucks 866

You deserved it 114

Get out

By This is gonna suck - 24/04/2023 08:00 - United States

Today, I have a huge work project which absolutely requires a healthy amount of working at home to get done in time. This wouldn't be a problem normally. Except, thanks to my roommate's noisy dogs, I no longer have a "quiet zone" where I can buckle down on things and not be disturbed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 678

You deserved it 147

Logan Roy origins

By newscorp employee - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, my coworker told me that the framed picture our boss put on her desk last week was not, as I originally thought, a picture of her father, but a picture of Rupert Murdoch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 770

You deserved it 3 574

Everyone's a critic

By Ouch - 23/04/2023 03:00 - United States

Today, I'm extremely disabled and by all means terrible at drawing, but I tried anyway. Sure enough, my drawings looked like shit, but I still took pride in them. That is, until my brother looked at one of them and said, "Wow! That's awful!" Thanks for pointing that out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 663

You deserved it 136

Let me out of here!

By misc - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, my boss reeks of mothballs. We share a cubicle. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 216

You deserved it 2 087

No one wants to work, huh?

By pizzadaddy - 19/04/2023 10:00

Today, just like every day, I have not gotten a single call back or email regarding a job interview since 2020. I can't even get a part-time job at McDonald's. Why? No one wants to hire someone with 10 years of experience as a manager for entry-level jobs, and no one is hiring managers from outside. FML

I agree, your life sucks 871

You deserved it 109

Lick that corporate boot!

By leteeatinpeace - 18/04/2023 23:00 - United States

Today, one of my super obnoxious coworkers tried to snitch on me and record me for “being lazy” on the clock. I was sitting in my car, while eating trail mix ON MY BREAK. FML

I agree, your life sucks 891

You deserved it 110

Identity crisis

By nato - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, my boss called me Dave. Now everyone actually thinks my name is Dave. It's Nathan. I've been working there for 2 years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 910

You deserved it 2 443

Sliced

By Anonymous - 18/04/2023 18:00

Today, I was in a rush to get ready for work so I quickly shaved my legs. In my haste, I accidentally nicked myself in a very sensitive area and had to spend the day simmering in discomfort and checking my crotch every so often to make I wasn't bleeding through my pants. FML

I agree, your life sucks 681

You deserved it 265

It's a gas gas gas

By riappp - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I farted in my cubicle thinking no one would smell it. Two seconds later, everyone came to my cubicle to wish me a happy birthday. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 327

You deserved it 42 068

Goodbye, I guess

By Pandorian - 18/04/2023 03:00 - Netherlands - Amsterdam

Today, I tried to plan a date with five colleagues for a goodbye-drink together, since I'm leaving the team after two and a half years. They told me it was going to be difficult to pick a date that suited everybody, so they already took into account that it won't be happening. When another colleague left, we went out for dinner. FML

I agree, your life sucks 844

You deserved it 140

It's literally 1987 by George Doorbell

By anon - 17/04/2023 03:00

Today, I took some leftover Indian food to work, and commented to a coworker that I loved to cook recipes from other cultures. Later, I got a hearing with HR about cultural appropriation. The HR rep said, "Stick to plain chicken and boiled potatoes." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 751

You deserved it 162

Emotional

By Anonymous - 15/04/2023 10:00 - Australia

Today, I sent a WhatsApp message to my boss that was meant for my ex-boyfriend. The message was a picture of my middle finger. Note to self: always check which conversation window you're typing/sending pictures in. FML

I agree, your life sucks 134

You deserved it 1 144

Trash

By Attack of the drunk caveman - 14/04/2023 22:00 - United States

Today, I'm a hotel housekeeper. I was warned by the manager that one of the rooms was "horrible." When I got to said room, I understood: what he meant; it looked as though it was raided by a drunken caveman. It took my friend and I almost an hour to clean it up completely. At least the "caveman" left a $2.00 tip. FML

I agree, your life sucks 790

You deserved it 117

Help yourself

By Anonymous - 13/04/2023 22:00

Today my boss went digging through my drawer, took a pack of gum, and told me I got him the wrong flavor. He kept it anyway. FML

I agree, your life sucks 913

You deserved it 100

Skincare

By frustrated - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - United Kingdom - Gosport

Today, everyone at work asked about the awful, twisted wound on my hand. I was too embarrassed to admit to having torn my skin apart with a pair of tweezers while trying to remove a splinter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 134

You deserved it 5 047

Caught in 404p

By Anonymous - 13/04/2023 22:00 - Taiwan - Taichung

Today, I had a job interview at Walmart. They showed a video of me stealing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 171

You deserved it 1 969

Melting man

By Anonymous - 12/04/2023 18:00

Today, I was on my way to a relatively important interview when I realized that I'd forgotten to put on antiperspirant. Once seated, I was so nervous that I started sweating profusely under my light blue shirt, and by the end of the whole ordeal I had huge sweat stains under my armpits, down to my elbows. FML

I agree, your life sucks 763

You deserved it 252

Daily news

By Anonymous - 11/04/2023 10:00 - United States - Denver

Today, I went to my high school reunion, hoping to dazzle my old classmates with my career in investigative journalism. Instead, I ended up getting drunk and falling asleep in the bathroom stall. FML

I agree, your life sucks 141

You deserved it 1 201

Surprise indeed

By Anonymous - 11/04/2023 00:00

Today, to surprise my boss who promoted me within the first two months of my new job, I offered to take him and a couple of coworkers out to eat. We had one minor inconvenience: my bank card declined. I was 200$ in the negative. Apparently my wife decided to take the kids winter clothes shopping. It’s fucking April. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 035

You deserved it 243

The Voice

By Anonymous - 10/04/2023 06:00

Today, I sent a voice memo of me singing off-key to my boss instead of the actual work-related attachment. My boss replied, "Don't get your hopes up, so stick to your day job." FML

I agree, your life sucks 328

You deserved it 715

Fitting in

By Anonymous - 08/04/2023 22:00 - United States - Avon Lake

Today, I was annoyed, because everyone I know is going more places than I am, and it’s just really hard not being able to be like my peers. FML

I agree, your life sucks 534

You deserved it 445

Peace and quiet

By Anonymous - 06/04/2023 18:00

Today, after a long and stressful week, all I wanted was some time to myself with a few beers and a good video game. My girlfriend apparently disliked this, because she started blasting Cardi B, ran the vacuum behind me, and poured my beer down the sink when I used the bathroom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 951

You deserved it 218

Primal

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - United Kingdom - London

Today, I realised that I've been working in an all-male environment for too long when my supervisor walked into the canteen visibly scratching his balls, and this seemed like a completely normal occurrence. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 805

You deserved it 3 005

Pay people a living wage

By F Capitalist somms - 06/04/2023 02:00

Today, I received a very angry email from the lady who interviewed me for a position at a clothing store. She told me I was entitled, unprofessional, and greedy. Apparently, “Because I need money to pay my bills and feed my daughter” wasn’t an appropriate response to, “Why do you wanna work here?” FML

I agree, your life sucks 892

You deserved it 390

The temptation of the fries

By Anonymous - 05/04/2023 10:00 - United Kingdom - Leeds

Today, despite trying to lose weight for months and making progress, I went out to lunch with coworkers and ended up eating a huge burger and fries. When I got back to the office, I noticed that I'd spilled ketchup all over my shirt. Now I not only feel guilty about the food I ate but I also look like a slob. FML

I agree, your life sucks 603

You deserved it 348

Undo! Undo!

By Anonymous - 04/04/2023 16:00

Today, I emailed a bunch of documents to a potential client, only to later realise later I'd also emailed them a folder of mine and my husband's very intimate photos. There’s things in there we only do when I’m very drunk, and am very embarrassed by. I’ve been ducking my bosses calls for two hours. FML

I agree, your life sucks 263

You deserved it 1 308

Keywords

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The Top

Today, I told my roommate that I was an atheist and she laughed. I left and returned to find her and her prayer group praying for my soul. She told me to accept Jesus Christ as my lord and savior. I said no. Then she told me to find somewhere else to live. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 851

You deserved it 1 041

Today, I found out that when my best friend and I were kids, our parents would cancel playdates when either of us opted to not go to church. They said it would, "strengthen our faith." We are now both adults and staunch atheists for that reason, and we're spending way more time together to make up for this crap. FML

I agree, your life sucks 547

You deserved it 144

The Top

Today, since my neighbor bought two cows and put them in his garden, the smell discourages any potential buyers who come to visit my house that’s been for sale for a month. FML

I agree, your life sucks 671

You deserved it 52

Today, my parents yelled at me for ordering too much fast food. The only reason I’m doing it is because there isn’t any food in the house. Not only that but I’m also trying to gain weight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 834

You deserved it 206

Today, my cousin decided it would be fun to get drunk before my wedding. During the ceremony, he got up on the stage and tried to do a stage dive into the crowd. He landed on my nephew and broke his arm. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 771

You deserved it 3 736

Today, my boyfriend got arrested. For robbing my house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 645

You deserved it 5 909

Today, I'm so deprived of female attention that I got a hard-on when a nurse told me I have beautiful veins. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 843

You deserved it 2 398

Today, I emailed my crush an anonymous love letter. It wasn't until twenty minutes later that I realized that the email address I used contained my full name. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 678

You deserved it 44 155