You're fired

How not to raise them

By Anonymous - 03/10/2021 14:00

Today, my son claimed credit for a money-saving scheme at work that belonged to a colleague. He claimed this to someone in very upper management, but when they tried to ask follow-up questions, he obviously had no idea how to answer, admitted his lie and was sacked on the spot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 981

You deserved it 438

The nerve of some people

By evecharneco - 25/05/2021 14:01 - United States

Today, it's been a few months since got fired from a job I'd spent two years at. Before getting fired, I trained the entire new staff, and to this day they still message me for help, even though I was fired months ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 062

You deserved it 113

Blood is thicker than a dollar bill

By Anonymous - 02/08/2021 00:01

Today, I woke up and wished I hadn’t. I’m broke, tired, hungry and sick of my family, who is rich by the way, not even contributing a penny to help me from being evicted. Oh, and I lost my job last week. FML

I agree, your life sucks 787

You deserved it 457

Student becomes the master

By Anonymous - 06/06/2021 09:58 - United States - Steele

Today, my son's "favorite" teacher went on a tirade criticizing my "awful" parenting. About two months ago, my son got her fired after he reported her to the principal for forcing him to miss out on lunch to finish a project. Apparently, that wasn't the first time she did something like that. FML

I agree, your life sucks 970

You deserved it 116

Risky business

By Anonymous - 28/02/2022 04:00

Today, after getting a new remote job and traveling to the Bahamas while working remote, without asking my employer, because I figured they wouldn't find out and I didn't want them to say no. IT ended up tracking my computer and telling HR I was overseas and I got fired after I returned from my trip. FML

I agree, your life sucks 400

You deserved it 2 352

By jobless - 10/11/2009 19:16 - United States

Today, I got an invitation to the "Going away lunch" the company is throwing for me. I didn't know I was leaving. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 715

You deserved it 1 994

Overreaction much?

By Broke af - 15/07/2024 11:00 - United States - Riverside

Today, while at work in a medical office, I had the itchiest and most distracting bug bite. I went the supply closet and got an alcohol cleansing wipe to help cool it off. It worked great but I was then fired for theft for using what costs less than a tenth of a cent. FML

I agree, your life sucks 638

You deserved it 94

Free labor

By mannnnn - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff

Today, I went into work to change a shift I was unable to work. I phoned the first person on the employee sheet and they promptly answer by saying, "You still work here? I thought the manager fired you." I was fired last week and have been showing up for shifts without anybody noticing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 254

You deserved it 6 207

The precious truck

By Anonymous - 05/09/2021 11:00

Today, I got fired because, while responding to an emergency page for the volunteer fire department to help find a man in a field with a gunshot wound, I backed into a rock with the company truck that I drive to and from work. Nobody asked about the guy with the bullet inside him. He's OK now, in case anyone cares. FML

I agree, your life sucks 979

You deserved it 166

A stopped clock is right twice a day

By Anonymous - 16/03/2022 00:00

Today, my ex told my boss I’d been faking my negative Covid tests. A complete lie, but I had to take a test in front of my boss, just in case. It was positive. I have never faked a test and had no idea I was infected, but my boss fired me for faking tests. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 381

You deserved it 164

Rummaging around in my stuff

By Chesty Larue - 07/08/2015 00:29 - United States

Today, I got fired from my part-time job, because I insisted on keeping my phone in my pocket and never using it, instead of putting it in locker without a lock or security camera, that anyone can go through. The manager found out by searching my locker for the past 3 weeks. Ironic. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 539

You deserved it 2 390

Unionize!

By worksux - 05/01/2011 20:25 - United States

Today, at work, my computer started acting up. I told my boss I could fix it, but he told me to call the IT department instead. Neither the IT technician or his supervisor could figure it out, so I showed them what was wrong and how to fix it. I was promptly fired for wasting 2 hours of company time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 135

You deserved it 4 147

Assumptions

By WhataStrangeTripThisIs - 09/12/2020 14:53

Today, my fiancé and I both got fired from a job we desperately needed. Why? A friend had practiced sticking him for a phlebotomy class, so he had bandaids on his arms. I was nervous and shaky, as it was my first day. Apparently, this means that we are both IV drug users. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 326

You deserved it 171

WhataStrangeTripThisIs tells us more.

WhataStrangeTripThisIs 23

Wednesday 9 December 2020 11:01

OP here. The job was at Subway, so they really don't care about firing and hiring people enough to follow up with a drug test. We both offered! I have a great PT job at a doctor's office, but really needed extra income because COVID hit us hard. I was really surprised that they just randomly fired both of us over an assumption! WTF. The manager is a recovered addict and said she knew the signs. Umm, no, apparently you don't. We don't even have the money to DO drugs lol! Now we have no power. But still have a roof. **** 2020.

The Hangover, part 26

By Fabuan - 24/01/2022 14:00

Today, while working from home, I was super drowsy after a heavy bar hangout with the boys. I took a call from a customer. Next thing I know, the call was no longer there. My boss called me to tell me they left a one-star review on our site, saying I fell asleep and snored mid-call. Yes, I was fired. FML

I agree, your life sucks 253

You deserved it 2 001

The betrayal of it all

By Ih8Snitches - 23/09/2022 10:30 - United States

Today, I found out that no matter how friendly a coworker is to you, never vent to them about how the job "is a total shitjoint but pays good” and that the manager “sounds like Cyndi Lauper on crack.” Apparently a listening ear is also a running mouth. I was fired. FML

I agree, your life sucks 468

You deserved it 1 584

**** those guys

By Anonymous - 10/05/2019 20:00

Today, I went into work with the mentality that all of my ass-busting work was going to result in me finally being promoted to manager. We had a site meeting. The entire building is being laid off because Apple cut our contract. Yay, I'm out of a job. I hate Apple. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 154

You deserved it 225

Workers of the world unite

By Anonymous - 19/06/2021 19:01 - United States - Los Angeles

Today, the day before I was supposed to go back to work after I got sick, ended up in the hospital, and primary doctor put me on medical leave, I got fired. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 031

You deserved it 93

Losing

By unemployed and bereaved - 25/11/2013 05:03 - United Kingdom

Today, my boss claimed that I've been lying to get days off because apparently nobody can be so unlucky as to have three family members die within a month. I'm just that unlucky, and suspended. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 694

You deserved it 2 830

Not a good look

By Sean - 07/12/2024 07:00 - United States - Kansas City

Today, it's day one of my suspension and probably being fired from my job. Why? I accidentally took a beer out my bag instead of a soda, then got distracted working to make sure everything got done. FML

I agree, your life sucks 98

You deserved it 513

By JONNO - 27/04/2019 14:00

Today, I got fired from my position as a financial investor for giving a client the exact investment he asked for, even though the investment was out of my mandate, and I had gone to my direct manager to authorize the investment. My manager was promoted. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 339

You deserved it 181

HR says no

By badluckbrian - 12/06/2019 04:15

Today, I lost my job. This was a surprise, as my performance hasn’t ever been an issue. My boss couldn’t look me in the eye while it happened, and the HR representative cut me off when I tried to ask why, informing me that they would only answer benefit-related questions. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 841

You deserved it 146

Unfair!

By Anonymous - 18/11/2023 08:00 - France - Paris

Today, I was fired because of a "poorly executed" task. My boss claims that I just copypasted an existing document in a new file; I was instructed exactly to take the document and move its content to a new table without changing anything. It was discussed beforehand, but looks like his own messages are not a proof. FML

I agree, your life sucks 593

You deserved it 86

Casual sexism

By QueenofMean2U - 21/01/2023 07:00 - United States - Freeport

Today, we found out someone got fired, and someone who was supposed to get fired, did not. I wonder if the boss is sleeping with employees, because all the men always get fired, but a few of the women haven't, and one cannot account for $30,000 in missing parts. I'm too old to finesse the boss like the thots. FML

I agree, your life sucks 749

You deserved it 142

Scapegoat

By McFired - 23/03/2009 12:08 - United States

Today, I got fired from my job for harassing customers over the weekend. I didn't work over the weekend. I left my nametag there on Friday and my co-workers thought it would be funny to wear my nametag all weekend. One of them got into a fight with a customer and they took her 'name' down. FML

I agree, your life sucks 75 686

You deserved it 7 303

Labor laws are a joke

By Anonymous - 17/08/2023 00:00

Spicy

Today, I asked a girl at work out, who'd claimed she was single. Not ten minutes later, our boss fired me. Turns out that girl is actually his side chick he cheats on his wife with, even though she’s 19 and he’s 48. Not illegal, just scummy as hell, and he fired me out of jealousy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 799

You deserved it 112

Corporate

By crap - This FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I was fired from my job for breaking my company's tattoo policy. I have a small scar on my wrist that roughly resembles a heart. My boss insists that it's one of those white ink tattoos. No one will believe me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 787

You deserved it 2 688

You shitgibbon!

By Turkeyfryboy - 24/11/2022 12:00

Today, I learned to never put a just-bought-about-an-hour-ago-from-the-grocery-store frozen solid turkey in the turkey frying pot. My job’s banquet hall was burnt to a crisp and the fire department came. The Thanksgiving potluck was ruined. Oh, and I was fired. FML

I agree, your life sucks 251

You deserved it 1 570

Unfair dismissal

By Anonymous - 07/12/2021 01:59

Today, I got fired from my new job. It was the start of my third week, and I got fired for not opening the store. The manager forgot to give me keys to open the store, and was two hours late. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 251

You deserved it 83

Sleepless in Saskatoon

By inolongeriismmm - 04/11/2021 12:59 - Canada - Saskatoon

Today, I was let go from a position that I spent 11 years pouring my heart into. I was fired for ranting in an group chat, after getting 37 minutes of sleep in two days. FML

I agree, your life sucks 928

You deserved it 482

Keywords

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The Top

Today, as I exited McDonald's after a quick lunch, a man in a jogging outfit ran past, snatching my handbag right off my shoulder as he tore past. He must have been at least 50. I broke down utterly exhausted before I could chase him even a single block. I'm 24. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 149

You deserved it 39 590

Today, I learned the meaning behind the phrase, "Love you long time". It's from the movie Full Metal Jacket, when a hooker comes in and says, "Me so horny, me love you long time." I've been saying this to my parents and people at school, having no idea what it really means for over 2 weeks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 784

You deserved it 22 713

The Top

Today, I realised that the most kisses I ever get are in text messages from my Dad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 004

You deserved it 4 132

Today, after sharing my first night in bed with my boyfriend, I woke up early, and decided to rouse him with some surprise oral. It didn't go so well; he woke up screaming and gasped, "OH MY GOD! I thought you were my cat!" before telling me to continue. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 805

You deserved it 8 965

Today, the "My body is beautiful" t-shirt that my therapist gave me didn't fit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 467

You deserved it 6 839

Today, someone stole my Amazon delivery of stress balls from my apartment’s mail room. Now I’m more stressed than before about my stuff getting stolen, and have no stress ball to help. FML

I agree, your life sucks 804

You deserved it 126

Today, I was woken up to my mother screaming obscenities at me, all because I threw up last night after days of not feeling well, and the flushing of the toilet afterwards woke her up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 615

You deserved it 2 131

Today, my wife told me she'd rather bust up concrete than get it on with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 794

You deserved it 3 950