Abandoned

By Anonymous - 04/04/2020 05:00

Today, I found a baby in a cradle on my doorstep. I was shocked that someone would do this, so I picked it up and uncovered the baby. It was actually a rudimentary stink bomb that went off in my face when I uncovered it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 188

You deserved it 256

Thanksgiving: Turkeys and Skids
Family meals that turn absurd, because Thanksgiving is also about laughing at little disasters. More…

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Same thing different taste

By failbaby - 02/06/2009 06:18 - United States

Today, I heard a baby crying while I was walking down the street. I walked around until I found it. In a dumpster. I immediately called the cops, completely freaking out. When the cops came, they pulled the baby out of the dumpster. It was a plastic baby doll. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 558

You deserved it 24 214

By Anonymous - 27/02/2010 06:36 - United States

Today, I was babysitting to make a few extra dollars. While changing one of the kid's diapers, I turned around to find the other kid gone. I turned back around frantically, only to get poop flung at my face. I guess I found him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 606

You deserved it 3 175

Smooth delivery

By Evol1nOC - 11/01/2022 22:59

Today, I was found out when I was a baby, I was abandoned in a dumpster. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 347

You deserved it 159

What was in the box?

By Anonymous - 29/09/2024 22:00 - United States - Burlington

Today, I got a notification that a package had been delivered. I opened my door and saw it on at doorstep. I was expecting one, so I grabbed and opened it, then realized it wasn’t mine, but my neighbor’s. I had to awkwardly re-tape it, then sneak over and leave the disturbing contents of the box on their porch before they noticed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 327

You deserved it 144

By Anonymous - 28/02/2015 18:11 - United States - Portland

Today, while cleaning my son's room, I found an envelope labelled "PRIVATE AND CONFIDENTIAL" under his bed. I opened it, only to find it was a glitter bomb. I couldn't get it all cleaned off myself before he got home. He just said "HAH! Serves you right!" and went to his room smirking. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 678

You deserved it 62 921

Forgetful

By Jane - 02/03/2024 12:00 - Switzerland

Today, I woke up unusually early for an appointment and got ready real quick. Only after passing the front door did I realize I had forgotten my sleeping baby inside. FML

I agree, your life sucks 369

You deserved it 298

Loud fart

By naomi3271 - 18/11/2019 20:00

Today, I accidentally scared my one year-old son with my huge, smelly fart that was really loud. He now won't come near me without crying. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 939

You deserved it 671

5-star meal

By storyofmylife - 15/03/2009 02:27 - United States

Today, while I was babysitting, the toddler was feeding me banana slices from her tray while I was cutting up clay for her to mold. It was all fine until she shoved something hard and crunchy into my mouth. I immediately spat it out into my hand. It was a dead cricket she found on the floor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 66 644

You deserved it 10 789

By Anonymous - 01/11/2010 17:30 - United States

Today, I drove to the hospital to see my newborn. I went to the room, picked him out of the crate and held him. Then I heard the toilet flush and saw a woman who I didn't know come out. She screamed. My wife was in the room next door. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 496

You deserved it 10 376

The miracle of barf

By EvictingItSoon - 08/03/2020 23:07

Today, what I thought was food poisoning is actually a baby. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 770

You deserved it 706

sickerthanyou 13

Saturday 4 April 2020 7:21

That stinks

.AdalynneGlass. 1

Saturday 4 April 2020 21:03

Lol, oh my gawdddd!! Who did this!?!?

Comments

RichardPencil 30

Saturday 4 April 2020 5:14

How do you mistake a stink bomb for a baby? You'd think with a full diaper it might be moving around and crying.

sickerthanyou 13

Saturday 4 April 2020 7:21

That stinks

.AdalynneGlass. 1

Saturday 4 April 2020 21:03

Lol, oh my gawdddd!! Who did this!?!?

Keywords

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The Top

Today, my boyfriend talked me into wearing vibrating underwear in public and of course we bumped into my mom shopping, and of course he chose that moment to turn them on with the remote. The vibrating was way louder than we were expecting, and my mom just walked away shaking her head at us. FML

I agree, your life sucks 625

You deserved it 2 552

Today, I realized that the air freshener in my bathroom and the air freshener in my girlfriend's bedroom are the exact same scent. Now, every time I go to the bathroom I get an erection, and every time my girlfriend and I have sex in her room, I think about shitting. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 601

You deserved it 8 701

The Top

Today, my mother told me I must break up with my gorgeous, brilliant, talented, kind, respectful boyfriend of 2 weeks. Why? One of his closest friends died, and he's struggling with his spiritual identity. Apparently, by being with him, I'm walking on 'unholy ground.' FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 057

You deserved it 164

Today, I went on a date I was really enjoying. My ex-boyfriend called halfway through. When I answered, he told me he wanted to get back together and couldn’t stop thinking about me. I didn’t realize my phone was on speaker. My date heard everything. FML

I agree, your life sucks 678

You deserved it 2 538

Today, I took my car through the automated wash. I was too close to swipe my card, so the attendant reached for it and somewhere between our hands, the card fell into the grate and down a small crack 10ft into nasty water. The whole car wash was shut down to pull the massive grate up. It took about 2 hours. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 103

You deserved it 160

Today, I have watched the Elmo's World episode featuring balls ten times in a row. The toddler I'm watching screams if I put on something different. His mom just said she was stuck in traffic. She should be back in about five and a half more replays. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 831

You deserved it 1 488

Today, I went to Walmart to pick up some groceries. When I came out, the front end of my car was crushed in. On the window was a note only saying "Sorry I bumped into your car." FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 417

You deserved it 2 533

Today, while at work, I was shown CCTV footage of myself staring at the chest belonging to a teenager I was serving. I was accused of being a paedophile and nearly fired, all because I wanted to know what version of Spider-Man was on her T-shirt. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 980

You deserved it 5 740