Sex, Awkward and Intimacy: Anticlimactic

Anticlimactic

By JC12345 - 18/03/2009 04:35 - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I had sex for the first time. Afterwards we went to Applebee's for dinner, then after we'd ate I asked, "How was it?" he says, "It was terrible", to which I said, "The food was that bad?" He replies, "No, the sex". FML

I agree, your life sucks 90 987

You deserved it 13 832

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Same thing different taste

True love waits

By Acolyte of the Bacon God - 15/02/2013 19:50 - United States - Fort Myers

Today, my girlfriend finally said that she finally felt ready to have sex with me. It ended up being so terrible that I only managed to get some pleasure out of it when my mind drifted to the thought of going to Olive Garden later and eating some of their breadsticks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 176

You deserved it 10 420

By Anonymous - 10/01/2012 03:30 - Australia

Today, my boyfriend and I had sex for the first time. Afterwards, he said he was in love with me and that he wants to be with me forever. It was also at this time I realised that I can't stand him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 246

You deserved it 38 804

Mr Floppy

By rachiej8 - 10/06/2012 04:13 - United States - Fairlee

Today, my boyfriend and I tried to have sex for the first time. Everything was going well, until he tried to put it in. A few minutes later, he said, "It's not hard enough." We tried for another half hour to fix that. We ended up eating ice cream. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 038

You deserved it 5 520

First time?

By Anonymous - 29/11/2013 11:56 - United States - Westminster

Today, I had sex with my boyfriend for the first time. It was also the first time he'd ever had sex. How could I tell? He cried all the way through, and called his parents right after. FML

I agree, your life sucks 63 285

You deserved it 6 901

Smooth talker

By pixie - 17/02/2009 08:10 - United States

Today, I had sex for the first time with a guy. After he passionately made love to me, I turned to him and said, "You smell really good." He turned to me and said, "You don't." FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 851

You deserved it 13 789

By Anonymous - 15/02/2010 13:28 - United Kingdom

Today, I decided to have sex with with my boyfriend. After we had finished I jokingly said, "who's going to sleep in the wet patch?". He got up and said "you're optimistic, I'm not staying. Oh, and I'm dumping you, that performance was disappointing". It was my first time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 446

You deserved it 4 514

True Love Waits

By anonomus - 01/06/2010 01:35 - United States

Today, my husband and I had sex for the first time because we pledged we wouldn't have sex until we were married. He's terrible. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 629

You deserved it 70 374

Uh oh

By awkward - 26/07/2013 18:00 - United States - Yorba Linda

Today, my boyfriend and I had sex for the first time. Instead of moaning like any normal person, he just kept saying stuff like "uh-huh," "not too bad," and "yup" in a complete monotone. It was probably the most uncomfortable experience of my life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 72 211

You deserved it 7 260

Downhill from here

By forewhatnow - 07/11/2009 08:47 - Australia

Today, my boyfriend took me out to a really romantic dinner. Later, I lost my virginity. The chicken was better than he was. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 745

You deserved it 9 859

By ahhh - 03/08/2015 06:06 - United States - Northbrook

Today, my boyfriend of 2 months and I had sex for the first time last night. This afternoon he texted me saying, "I had an amazing night with you yesterday." Following that text he said, "I forgot to tell you I have an STD." FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 978

You deserved it 7 356

leearm104 4

Sunday 20 March 2011 6:51

that's the dumbest thing I've ever heard. youre definitely a virgin if you think you could confuse pussy with a hole in a mattress.

smdrager 0

Wednesday 18 March 2009 12:43

We can't all be good... practice makes perfect.

Comments

mostly_emo_loser 0

Wednesday 18 March 2009 22:40

Refer back to "Shit on his chest"

dk_fml 0

Wednesday 18 March 2009 22:46

Hope he's now your ex-boyfriend

TreRadical 0

Thursday 19 March 2009 0:22

lol @ all the assholes saying that he was joking. it was your first time, a good boyfriend wouldn't "joke" like that. he's just a douche.

stolen_sammich 0

Thursday 19 March 2009 0:58

was that sarcastic? because applebees is notoriously overpriced and stingy with their portions. and im pretty sure if the sex was "terrible", he probably had more to do with it than you did.

dcapp 0

Thursday 19 March 2009 1:22

ohhhhhh goodness :(

kellster 2

Thursday 19 March 2009 1:43

What an asshole! Ugh, get out of there!

Defenseless 0

Thursday 19 March 2009 1:46

You get what you pay for.

sween 0

Thursday 19 March 2009 3:21

the guy should've been a little more grateful, but honestly, that's your fault if you didnt make it enjoyable for him. you also have to realize that he was being sarcastic. some guys dont really let on and make you think they actually mean what they say.