Alcohol, Drunk and Health: Back on the wagon

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Back on the wagon

By photomark - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I saw a quarter in my poop. My friends say I do stupid things when I get drunk. Apparently, eating change is one of them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 604

You deserved it 37 535

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Same thing different taste

By anna14 - 21/02/2010 19:34 - United States

Today, I learned a little lesson about consequences. Yesterday, I ate a quarter as a dare. Today, I tried to poop it out. It got stuck coming out. I had to go to the doctor and explain everything. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 152

You deserved it 49 451

By Anonymous - 09/07/2009 05:15 - United States

Today, after buying dinner from the supermarket, I had the change in my hand, and my wallet. In the parking lot, a quarter fell out of my hand, and right next to the street drain. As I went to pick it up, my wallet fell down the drain. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 359

You deserved it 11 275

By quarterback - 23/01/2011 05:43 - United States

Today, while at the vending machine, I put in my $20 instead of my $1. I got my change back in quarters. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 110

You deserved it 44 621

Drunken antics

By qx5 - 08/01/2011 22:05 - Canada

Today, I put my paycheck in my wallet, intending to cash it in the next day. Later on, I met up with a friend and went to a party. I ended up getting so drunk, I gave away my $400 check in exchange for a pack of smokes, thinking it was a $5 bill. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 527

You deserved it 58 119

By Anonymous - 14/05/2015 02:37 - United Kingdom

Today, I got sick of my flatmate stealing my food so I decided to sabotage a leftover pizza with laxatives. I came back home later in the evening after a night of heavy drinking. Guess what I had to eat in my drunken stupor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 261

You deserved it 36 957

By ripped - 11/04/2009 06:10 - Canada

Today, I saw a dime on the ground. When I bent down to pick it up, my $80 dollar pants ripped. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 243

You deserved it 63 923

By Watchingmyfigure - 06/12/2016 17:55 - United States - Gainesville

Today, I was so hungry and broke that I resorted to drinking salad dressing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 990

You deserved it 1 244

By tripleBBB - 09/09/2018 01:30

Today, I was in the shower when I realised that maybe I'm getting a little too fat. I was scrubbing the old belly when a dollar flew out onto the floor. I'm 23. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 711

You deserved it 2 641

By FattyMcFatterson - 24/06/2009 02:37 - United States

Today, in the shower, a dime fell on my foot. The only place it could have come from? One of my fat rolls. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 810

You deserved it 82 489

Poot

By dumblonde76 - 14/09/2021 07:00 - United States - Jackson

Today, I had a rumble in my tummy whilst picking up groceries. I tried to let out a little poot, but ended up shitting in my pants. I had to leave without the groceries. FML

I agree, your life sucks 911

You deserved it 384

MrSchneebly 5

Tuesday 13 December 2011 16:03

Kepp checking your poop you could be rich by next month

davidisbeast 12

Tuesday 13 December 2011 16:07

At least you got the quarter back :D that's a whole TWENTY FIVE cents !

Comments

Calyx_fml 21

Tuesday 13 December 2011 21:43

The real FML is when you wonder how many other asses that quarter was in before you ate it.

Arch27 27

Tuesday 13 December 2011 21:51

Are you secretly a Man Bird lover?

vieeev 4

Tuesday 13 December 2011 22:21

I wonder why people look at their poop when they go to the toilet..

curlywurly08 4

Tuesday 13 December 2011 23:10

Time for a change? :L

doorbellrings 0

Wednesday 14 December 2011 0:23

That's why getting drunk isn't the smartest thing to do.

chels1994 11

Wednesday 14 December 2011 1:17

....Stop drinking

chrisinaz 0

Friday 23 December 2011 10:52

what's ur gamertag

babeeylizz 0

Wednesday 14 December 2011 1:45

hahaha, omg thats priceless :b

Okayitwasme 0

Wednesday 14 December 2011 1:51

Be thankful you were not traveling on an airplane! "Cavity check! He keeps setting off the metal detector!" lol

shmuwol 3

Wednesday 14 December 2011 3:31

At least you made some money!!!

brownbear16 0

Wednesday 14 December 2011 3:35

i lost my phone the other day.. can you check for that to?? 'o'

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The Top

Today, my dad learned that I sometimes waffle stomp in the shower if I wake up late. He built a shower stall outside and has threatened to kick me out if he ever finds me showering inside again. I get that it's kinda gross but this is a massive overreaction. What will I do in winter? FML

I agree, your life sucks 49

You deserved it 1 239

Today, I was at a friend's party. Her neighbor and I really hit it off. We went off into the woods and left everyone, including her parents, at the bonfire. We started hooking up when my friend ran over. Apparently they could see everything. We had on glow stick necklaces and bracelets. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 069

You deserved it 69 491

The Top

Today, I was pestering a co-worker, so she jokingly stated "I'll bury you!" and I replied "I'll bury your mom!". Her moms funeral was last week. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 575

You deserved it 49 062

Today, I found a note in my boyfriend's car from another girl telling him she hoped he liked the flowers. These were the same flowers he gave me while I was in the hospital, just after having his kid. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 450

You deserved it 4 481

Today, my teacher took my test along with another student's and gave us both a zero. Why? Because we both have colds so when we breathe through our nose it makes a sniffle noise. She thought we were using a secret code to communicate by sniffling. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 241

You deserved it 2 631

Today, I went out with my kids to eat at a nice restaurant. While I was in the bathroom, my 7-year-old daughter ordered 15 plates of "pearls" on the menu. Those "pearls" turned out to be salmon caviar. Guess who got a 425$ bill. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 970

You deserved it 2 647

Today, I got a Christmas present from my boss. It was an ab workout video. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 359

You deserved it 4 658

Today, my boyfriend made me a latte. It tasted off, but I didn't want to hurt his feelings so I drank it. Turns out he put laxatives in it as a prank. The idiot couldn’t just use one or two. He used so many that I had to go to the ER for severe dehydration after puking and shitting for hours. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 945

You deserved it 229

Back on the wagon

Same thing different taste

Drunken antics

Poot

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