Alcohol, Drunk and Health: Back on the wagon - FML

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Back on the wagon

By photomark - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I saw a quarter in my poop. My friends say I do stupid things when I get drunk. Apparently, eating change is one of them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 602

You deserved it 37 529

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Same thing different taste

By anna14 - 21/02/2010 19:34 - United States

Today, I learned a little lesson about consequences. Yesterday, I ate a quarter as a dare. Today, I tried to poop it out. It got stuck coming out. I had to go to the doctor and explain everything. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 151

You deserved it 49 445

By Anonymous - 09/07/2009 05:15 - United States

Today, after buying dinner from the supermarket, I had the change in my hand, and my wallet. In the parking lot, a quarter fell out of my hand, and right next to the street drain. As I went to pick it up, my wallet fell down the drain. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 358

You deserved it 11 275

By quarterback - 23/01/2011 05:43 - United States

Today, while at the vending machine, I put in my $20 instead of my $1. I got my change back in quarters. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 107

You deserved it 44 617

Drunken antics

By qx5 - 08/01/2011 22:05 - Canada

Today, I put my paycheck in my wallet, intending to cash it in the next day. Later on, I met up with a friend and went to a party. I ended up getting so drunk, I gave away my $400 check in exchange for a pack of smokes, thinking it was a $5 bill. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 526

You deserved it 58 110

By Anonymous - 14/05/2015 02:37 - United Kingdom

Today, I got sick of my flatmate stealing my food so I decided to sabotage a leftover pizza with laxatives. I came back home later in the evening after a night of heavy drinking. Guess what I had to eat in my drunken stupor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 261

You deserved it 36 954

By ripped - 11/04/2009 06:10 - Canada

Today, I saw a dime on the ground. When I bent down to pick it up, my $80 dollar pants ripped. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 241

You deserved it 63 921

By Watchingmyfigure - 06/12/2016 17:55 - United States - Gainesville

Today, I was so hungry and broke that I resorted to drinking salad dressing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 985

You deserved it 1 243

By tripleBBB - 09/09/2018 01:30

Today, I was in the shower when I realised that maybe I'm getting a little too fat. I was scrubbing the old belly when a dollar flew out onto the floor. I'm 23. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 709

You deserved it 2 639

By FattyMcFatterson - 24/06/2009 02:37 - United States

Today, in the shower, a dime fell on my foot. The only place it could have come from? One of my fat rolls. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 809

You deserved it 82 486

Poot

By dumblonde76 - 14/09/2021 07:00 - United States - Jackson

Today, I had a rumble in my tummy whilst picking up groceries. I tried to let out a little poot, but ended up shitting in my pants. I had to leave without the groceries. FML

I agree, your life sucks 907

You deserved it 382

Next

Top comments

MrSchneebly 5

Tuesday 13 December 2011 16:03

Kepp checking your poop you could be rich by next month

davidisbeast 12

Tuesday 13 December 2011 16:07

At least you got the quarter back :D that's a whole TWENTY FIVE cents !

Comments

beebananaz88 0

Tuesday 13 December 2011 16:42

At least it wasn't a hamster...

niniloka 2

Tuesday 13 December 2011 16:55

you shit money!

rattusrattus 18

Tuesday 13 December 2011 16:58

Drunken piggy bank?

OfficeNinja 5

Tuesday 13 December 2011 17:00

That's nothing! Just wait till you try to shit out the handful of thumbtacks you ate. Which by the way was my suggestion so your welcome. It was a great party.

The_Mooinator 4

Tuesday 13 December 2011 17:02

Do you shit on homeless people when they ask for change?

perdix 29

Tuesday 13 December 2011 17:21

Don't flush! Just take a few shots and earn a quarter the hard way.

bubo_fml 10

Tuesday 13 December 2011 17:30

Big deal...I would've been impressed if you ate a quarter & shitted out 2 dimes & a nickel!

ZXDriver 0

Tuesday 13 December 2011 17:31

Better than a nickel out your pickle.

sjhill 32

Tuesday 13 December 2011 17:35

wow. if i had a quarter for everytime i'd heard that, i would have enough to pay for a bottle of antiseptic :P

sheethapins 13

Tuesday 13 December 2011 17:37

Ok, when you play that game make sure you take the quarter out before you take the shot. Brian is coming over right now to show you how it's done.

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The Top

Today, I was working with some shelter puppies transporting them to the vet's. I got all of the puppies in but one, and when I went to pull him out, I realized he had gotten car sick. Before I could stop it happening, he wagged his vomit-covered tail and hit me in the face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 736

You deserved it 3 122

Today, I learnt that the people I work with dislike me so much that they have a competition to see who can accidentally hurt me the most. How did I find out? A chef poured boiling water over my hands, and another shouted "50 POINTS!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 450

You deserved it 6 736

The Top

Today, I was working at my desk when a colleague came over to my desk and said, “You loiter in gay bars”. I started having a panic attack because I thought he'd found out and would out me to my wife. Only when he began cracking up laughing did I realise it was a "joke." FML

I agree, your life sucks 484

You deserved it 2 121

Today, my parents "suggested" I help them move house. I didn't realize that meant I would be carrying every single bit of furniture out of their house. The muscles in my arms are so tight now that I can't straighten them. I can't wait to help them unpack tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 301

You deserved it 1 723

Today, my cat decided that instead of using the brand-new scratching post I bought him, he was going to use my pant leg while I was asleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 200

You deserved it 4 177

Today, I packed up to get ready to move to my boyfriend’s. I just graduated high school and I don’t get along with his mom, but I have no other choice of living. I was supposed to move in with his family tomorrow but now his mom won’t let me. It was last minute, and I’m basically homeless. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 026

You deserved it 346

Today, my girlfriend of 3 years who had taken a job in a new city last month came into town and told me that she had slept with a co-worker last Friday. Last Friday I was incredibly lonely but I turned down a very attractive woman because I didn't want to hurt my girlfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 60 940

You deserved it 5 831

Today, I found out that my engagement ring was actually my husband's ex-fiancée's. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 666

You deserved it 3 959