Intimacy: Bad start

Bad start

By fuck but no fuck - 02/08/2013 19:44 - South Africa - Pretoria

Today, I finally felt ready to make love to my boyfriend for the first time. It all went great, until I tried putting the condom on him. In the process, I managed to nick his penis not once, but three times with my nails. His eyes brimmed with tears and he completely lost his erection. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 140

You deserved it 28 445

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Same thing different taste

By Anonymous - 06/08/2011 01:47 - United States

Today, I was getting intimate with my boyfriend for the first time. He was so nervous, he broke down in tears after failing to unclasp my bra after multiple fumbling attempts. Mood? Ruined. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 755

You deserved it 5 994

Quickshot

By anon - 31/08/2014 15:14 - United States

Today, while finally about to make love with my long-term boyfriend, he came from putting a condom on. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 408

You deserved it 6 030

Sensitive snowflake

By onepussytwopussy - 07/03/2014 19:47 - United Kingdom - Birmingham

Today, my boyfriend and I had sex for the first time, and I tried to be sexy by raking my nails down his back. I guess I did it a little too hard, because he shrieked in pain, leapt off me, and limped around the room cursing and whimpering. Mood ruined. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 422

You deserved it 26 486

By Anonymous - 03/11/2012 01:23 - Canada - Bedford

Today, I finally lost my virginity to my boyfriend. It hurt like hell, was over in less than a minute, and he tried to reuse the condom for a second round. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 045

You deserved it 6 089

By JoshuasGirl - 23/12/2013 19:13 - United States - Grand Rapids

Today, I had sex with my boyfriend for the first time. After he'd repeatedly told me not to worry about bleeding, and reassuring me that he'd take care of me, he passed out halfway through. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 098

You deserved it 6 453

By angelisa - 21/11/2015 14:54 - United States - Yuba City

Today, I finally felt ready to lose my virginity with my boyfriend. Unfortunately he was too embarrassed to go and buy some condoms, and suggested in all seriousness that we use a sandwich bag instead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 744

You deserved it 3 933

Running gag

By needsomelove - 20/10/2019 06:00 - France

Today, my boyfriend and I tried to have sex. Foreplay was amazing, but as soon as he started to get it in, he lost his erection because he was too nervous. He's a 30-year-old virgin and this has happened at least 10 times. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 365

You deserved it 333

By Anonymous - 15/01/2013 17:45 - United States

Today, I finally felt ready to have sex for the first time, with my boyfriend of nearly 8 months. When I told him, things became intimate and pants came off. He then looked at me and said, "Yeah, I can't do this." The rest of the night was spent in awkward silence. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 790

You deserved it 6 662

Choking hazard

By notsexy - 09/05/2009 15:51 - United States

Today, I tried for the first time putting a condom on my boyfriend using my mouth. I freaked out, swallowed, and started choking on the condom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 092

You deserved it 83 406

By Alicia - 21/01/2010 05:02 - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I were trying to have sex for the first time. Not only did he struggle for five minutes to put on a condom (repeatedly snapping himself in the balls), but he then had to ask me "which hole" to put it in. I'm dating a thirty-four year old virgin. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 391

You deserved it 6 349

SuperPizzaMan_fml 11

Friday 2 August 2013 23:39

More like FHL. Poor penis.. :(

littlexlune 16

Friday 2 August 2013 23:38

Better luck next time!

Comments

toonavball7 5

Saturday 3 August 2013 3:07

Sucks to suck, or not suck

iheartLA 10

Saturday 3 August 2013 3:14

Lol just let him put his own damn condom on.

RedPillSucks 31

Saturday 3 August 2013 3:55

Edwina scissor hands?

mbuck87 19

Saturday 3 August 2013 4:02

Haha terrible advice. I think there's already enough candidates for teen mom

insanez58 11

Saturday 3 August 2013 4:03

well that seems like a good reason to lose an erection

m3lyc 18

Saturday 3 August 2013 4:05

You deserved it for having long nails. Bloody cut the things!

RedPillSucks 31

Saturday 3 August 2013 5:23

I think she did. Oh you mean her nails, not his dick?

kieralumina 30

Saturday 3 August 2013 5:59

im not sure if this applies to others, but some of us can't cut our nails all the way down, so to people looking, they seem longer. I don't understand the desire to have super long nails, mine are long but only because of my nailbeds. I'm guessing op's aren't like that, so she should have an easier time clipping them, or at least file the tip so it isn't sharp. if she wants to keep the length, filing down the free-edge so that it doesn't feel like a knife when you touch it works.

jimmywithsalt 19

Saturday 3 August 2013 4:10

Awwww poor OP and OP's boyfriend. Learning how to properly and efficiently put on a condom is dangerously underrated.

Dashelle 25

Saturday 3 August 2013 4:27

At least you didn't nick the condom instead. That would put you both in 18 years of pain.

metmimo 8

Saturday 3 August 2013 4:35

Cut them nails!!

neuroticallyyour_fml 17

Saturday 3 August 2013 4:35

Might I suggest getting rid of the super long or fake nails first. Those things tend to cause injury and while I don't have a lot of experience with men and what they find sexy, I don't think super long or fake nails are on the list of things they find attractive.