Miscellaneous: Today, I was buying ingredients for a salad. I had only picked...

By um... what the fuck, miss? - 02/08/2013 20:23 - United Kingdom

Today, I was buying ingredients for a salad. I had only picked up a few cucumbers, when an elderly lady came up to me and murmured, "Make sure you use lots of lube, or that'll hurt. Been there, sweetheart." What the HELL? FML

I agree, your life sucks 62 801

You deserved it 6 144

Thanksgiving: Turkeys and Skids
Family meals that turn absurd, because Thanksgiving is also about laughing at little disasters. More…

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Same thing different taste

By Anonymous - 26/06/2009 04:16 - United States

Today, I was cashiering at a grocery store when an elderly woman came through my line buying prune juice. She then whispered to me that last time she bought it, she "blew up her toilet". FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 588

You deserved it 2 879

By speechless - 01/06/2013 00:50 - United Kingdom - Wallasey

Today, at the supermarket, an old lady asked for directions to the produce aisle. Having read way too many stories lately on this very site about awful elderly folks, I was wary, but helped her out. She gave me an awkward hug in thanks, lifting my wallet in the process, as I later found out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 115

You deserved it 6 092

By beckbm23 - 21/11/2009 05:03 - United States

Today, at work at a grocery store an old couple came through my checkout lane. As I was putting their bagged groceries in the cart, the old man started feeling me up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 168

You deserved it 2 595

Thanks for sharing

By uni life - 15/05/2012 08:08 - Australia - Perth

Today, whilst working in a pharmacy, I was given the pleasure of listening to an old lady share the details of what she sticks up her vagina. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 222

You deserved it 2 852

By Anonymous - 09/06/2013 14:29 - United States - Greenwood

Today, I went to the local pharmacy to buy some condoms. When I went to go purchase them, the elderly lady behind the counter took one look at me and said, "Honey, you're your own birth control." FML

I agree, your life sucks 62 563

You deserved it 10 548

By yournick - 31/01/2011 21:23 - Canada

Today, at my job as a cashier, a very old man came through my checkout. His purchase consisted of a box of condoms and a can of whipped cream. The creepy smile he gave me has scarred me for life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 255

You deserved it 4 834

By the_captain - 23/06/2009 00:21 - United States

Today, I was cashiering at Target when an old woman came into my checkout line. Her items? Variety pack of pleasuring condoms, a bottle of KY sensual lube, and two colorful thongs. As I'm scanning these, she leans in and whispers, "I love toys." FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 702

You deserved it 3 516

By grannysmack - 11/07/2009 09:10 - United States

Today, as I was bent over at my waitressing job an elderly woman walked by and smacked my ass. I looked at her, shocked, and she said, "It was too tempting with you bent over like that, I have a dirty old mind." I didn't know whether to be flattered or horrified. Maybe both. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 878

You deserved it 6 559

Helper Blues

By Fat and Embarrassed - This FML is from back in 2016 but it's good stuff - United States - Palmdale

Today, I asked an elderly customer at my work if she needed help with her groceries. She responded, "I normally would, but I'm afraid you'll eat all the groceries." FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 208

You deserved it 1 498

Thanks, I guess…

By unsatisfied - 09/03/2009 06:15 - United States

Today, I was working at the grocery store and a very old woman wanted to give me a tip for bagging her groceries. She slid a quarter into my pocket against my thigh as deep down as she could get it, then she gave me a smile and a wink. I was groped by a grandma. FML

I agree, your life sucks 60 376

You deserved it 4 433

AllegroRubato 16

Saturday 3 August 2013 0:32

Veteran of a thousand wars.

JoeGrant 12

Saturday 3 August 2013 0:32

Well clearly she's no stranger to home made pickles...

Comments

Pauschinator 22

Saturday 3 August 2013 0:31

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.

Show it anyway

Ambient25 24

Saturday 3 August 2013 0:39

You can't tell me you looked at your post and the FML and were like "Yes! This is ready! No one thought of this!"...

obnum 19

Saturday 3 August 2013 1:01

Thank you, #1. I wouldn't have understood the FML if you hadn't explained this fact to me.

ryanthecheeseguy 18

Saturday 3 August 2013 1:16

I sure didn't understand this FML until you commented! Thank you for telling me!

buddy51 23

Saturday 3 August 2013 3:40

....with cucumbers. I think #1 forgot to say that...

abekj52 9

Saturday 3 August 2013 5:05

Op asked, "What the hell?" Clearly, she did not get it.

sematariux 7

Saturday 3 August 2013 5:13

Why does it matter how epic the "first" comment is? some of you have no lives on here.

Meowingtons500 18

Saturday 3 August 2013 5:15

I'm pretty sure people with actual lives no longer use the word epic.

Lacist 19

Saturday 3 August 2013 5:17

I don't think people in general should judge whether you have a life or not, literally or figuratively.

Metallica36176 16

Saturday 3 August 2013 6:45

Thank you, 87. I completely agree. People need to learn to mind their own business. I hate when people comment unnecessarily mean comments just to make themselves seem superior.Leave the guy alone, at least he pointed it out for those who were tired and didn't get it right off....jeeze.

AllegroRubato 16

Saturday 3 August 2013 0:32

Veteran of a thousand wars.

1234ideclare 7

Saturday 3 August 2013 0:37

she's been there, done that.

LeFrogDog 27

Saturday 3 August 2013 2:13

listen to your elders

firefighter925 18

Saturday 3 August 2013 2:36

Take it from the voice of experience ha

Jjimen1654 9

Saturday 3 August 2013 15:39

More like a thousand ******.

downzi104 17

Saturday 3 August 2013 0:32

Thank her for the advice OP.

PterodactylMan 23

Saturday 3 August 2013 0:50

Old ladies these days... First they divorce their husbands and now they give nice tips for cucumbers!

ottokat 15

Saturday 3 August 2013 2:10

yeah wtf old ladies how dare you end an unhappy marriage and be honest about your sexual life wth

hooligyn123 18

Saturday 3 August 2013 3:30

#27 was referencing a recent FML where the grandmother threw a party over divorcing her husband... (While there may have been grounds for it obviously the family member didn't enjoy that fact)

KinyaZ 4

Saturday 3 August 2013 0:32

Oh... Well... At least you got some good advice? Haha

Metallica36176 16

Saturday 3 August 2013 6:50

And she was also looking out for her well-being! She cares about OP and doesnt want it to hurt. She was a sweet granny.

JoeGrant 12

Saturday 3 August 2013 0:32

Well clearly she's no stranger to home made pickles...

cuppycakeslove 20

Saturday 3 August 2013 0:35

Nooo, I'll never look at pickles the same way again :(

JoeGrant 12

Saturday 3 August 2013 1:52

Sorry 12, I couldn't help myself!

Obey_StudBoii 23

Saturday 3 August 2013 3:24

This gave me a brainfart.

Gaernem 17

Saturday 3 August 2013 23:37

#68 If it gave you a brain fart due to you not understanding how it may make a pickle, it is because pickles are cucumbers. Not sure if that is what you meant though. ):