Health: Candy Andy - FML

Candy Andy

By bad karma - 21/11/2011 14:34 - United States

Today, I was so hungry that I literally stole candy from a baby. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 634

You deserved it 46 239

November 11: Memories and smiles
Historical anecdotes with a light touch to commemorate with a respectful smile. More…

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Same thing different taste

By Fatass - 18/04/2014 05:37 - United States - Knoxville

Today, I lied to the cashier at my local store, saying that I was "nominated to buy the candy for the party" when in actuality I went home and gorged on it alone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 705

You deserved it 13 879

By BrokeAndHungry - 24/07/2016 17:05 - United States - Ann Arbor

Today, I was so ashamed of being broke that instead of asking my parents for money, I snuck into their house while they were at work to steal some of their food. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 141

You deserved it 4 339

By Timmy - 26/01/2009 13:28 - France

Today, I got caught stealing lollies. I am 25. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 484

You deserved it 59 475

By love you too mommy - 27/01/2014 19:26 - United States - Brentwood

Today, my mom walked into my room to talk to me. I was surprised because we don't talk much. I was left with a smile on my face after she left, until I realized she'd stolen all the candy on my desk while I wasn't looking. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 475

You deserved it 5 290

What ARE you doing?

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2016 but it's good stuff

Today, I was so tired at the pet store I was working at that I accidentally offered a kid a dog treat instead of their dog. He ate it. While his mom watched. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 365

You deserved it 1 528

By dannij08 - 14/01/2009 01:05 - United States

Today, I stole one of my cousin's chocolates. I didn't tell her, after I ate it, I read the box and realized that it was a chocolate laxative. I'm posting this from the bathroom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 432

You deserved it 43 477

Bigmouth strikes again

By Anonymous - 14/12/2022 18:00

Today, I was pretending to be a mom with my friends, and I was joking how I bought them candy and that it cost me an arm and a leg, only to realize that the cashier only had one arm. FML

I agree, your life sucks 367

You deserved it 816

The sleepwalkers are at it again!

By sierra - 11/03/2021 02:02

Today, my mom told me she’d never forgive me for eating her birthday candy. I ate it in my sleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 757

You deserved it 325

By ilovekids? - 12/12/2015 02:05 - United States - Commack

Today, while I was working at a supermarket, a kid started to cry in line because he couldn't get candy. Since we have free lollipops behind the desk, I gave him one. His mom complained to my manager and said I was grooming her child. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 116

You deserved it 6 009

By nocat6 - 15/09/2014 03:07 - United States - Northville

Today, I caught a customer using his fat to shoplift gum out of a store. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 161

You deserved it 3 066

Next

Top comments

TipOfTheHat 10

Monday 21 November 2011 18:50

It's an expression! Your not actually supposed to do that!

xxcreativedreame 5

Monday 21 November 2011 18:51

Wow. It takes a REAL loser to do that. Seriously.

Comments

X030X 0

Monday 21 November 2011 21:06

Fake and gay.

Ilikeurfmls 13

Monday 21 November 2011 21:08

I call fake...

Jorcar 8

Monday 21 November 2011 21:10

Something tells me this is a fake FML. I mean really, who would steal candy from a baby?

shadowPlayer 6

Monday 21 November 2011 21:18

What the hell? Was the food bank not good enough for you? Sick prick!

diidiimi 10

Monday 21 November 2011 21:29

I'm guessing op is the mother, slightly overweight, just gone on a restrictive diet and finds herself majorly craving sweets. She may not have stolen the candy literally from the kid's hands, probably took it from a 'for the baby' stash. The baby might not notice it's missing, but this doesn't alleviate op's guilt. Just a guess.

mumbles93 0

Monday 21 November 2011 21:33

Kids don't forget as much as you tell yourself they do

Rainbow_dumpster 28

Monday 21 November 2011 21:34

You are just a sorry excuse of a human being, OP. Your motives make me cry. T_T

traviemojo 0

Monday 21 November 2011 21:38

His heart is already gone

tyghl55 4

Monday 21 November 2011 21:41

It must be nice living your life like a piece of shit and being so comfortable with it that you tell people

benderbot19 0

Tuesday 22 November 2011 16:15

Kindly put a shirt on.

ScenePower 1

Monday 21 November 2011 21:50

Wow what a loser

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Keywords

Miscellaneous Shopping Parenting Am I overreacting? Social Media Jealousy Love AITA Kids Pranks Friends Dogs Housework Relatable Awkward Embarrassing Work Cars Transportation Sports Health Accident Mental health Annoying Family Sex Intimacy Coworkers Poopoo peepee Dentist

The Top

Today, I finally got my paycheck from working at my minimum wage job for the last three months. I was delighted when I saw it was worth $846. On my way to cash it, I destroyed my car's suspension. It's going to cost almost $800 to fix. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 981

You deserved it 6 718

Today, my boyfriend and I got intimate with each other for the first time. He shoved his hand down my pants, touched about an inch away from my clitoris, and whispered, "Cummm" in my ear. I doubt I'll have an orgasm ever again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 026

You deserved it 4 248

The Top

Today, I saw a homeless guy in the street. It really upset me how everyone's spirit of giving vanished as soon as Christmas was over, so I said fuck it and gave him about $50 worth of money. I barely made it 10 feet away, when another guy mugged him for the money I just gave. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 685

You deserved it 3 678

Today, it was raining. I was out walking with my girlfriend, and decided it would be cute if we did a bit of dancing in the rain. As I was swinging her around, I swung her head against a lamp post. She broke up with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 488

You deserved it 21 151

Today, I was willing to sit behind a truck doing 10km/h just to hear an interview with Robbie Williams on the radio. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 516

You deserved it 22 994

Today, my mom called me a bastard, told me I should run away, and said I don't deserve to live in her house. All because I didn't use a plate when I ate a Poptart. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 897

You deserved it 4 394

Today, my son was crying and refusing to sleep in his room because a spider ran along the wall, and it's now hiding somewhere. He’s 19. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 691

You deserved it 416

Today, I kicked my coffee table while barefoot, got an X-ray, and I’d cracked the bone. Got home, kicked the exact same table with the exact same toe, got another X-ray, the crack is now a full-on break. What a day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 458

You deserved it 944