Caught short

By Anonymous - 13/11/2014 18:01 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I was speeding home, bursting to take a crap. I pulled into my driveway and made it inside, before my wife told me the plumber was still working on our pipes. I ended up having to take a crap in my own backyard, behind a tree. FML
I agree, your life sucks 35 953
You deserved it 3 396
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Top comments

hard_candy 25

you could have just stopped at a store or fast food joint.

111 9
supernerd95 17

i don't know man. ... that was some serious shit

50 4

Comments

hard_candy 25

you could have just stopped at a store or fast food joint.

111 9
pinkster2014 25

Yeah, but no one likes to take a dump in public restrooms. Even in these circumstances xD Plus, he was "dying" to take a dump so maybe he couldn't wait any further to use the bathroom by going to a store.

38 7
hard_candy 25

I don't either, but if I were "bursting" to go, I'd have gone for it. I bet OP wished he did too since it beats taking a dump caveman style.

25 3
randompizzaguy 17

I agree with #11 I once had to use the woman's restroom in a gas station during a road trip. The looks I got as I walked out haunt me to this day.

14 4
Just_A_Tree 20

#14: Are you saying I'm worse than a public restroom?

42 4
Kush_BabY 7

He right , no one wants to use a nasty toilet :/

3 3
incoherentrmblr 21

Well, at least you've fertilized the lawn. Scott from Scott's Lawn care is happy that you fed your lawn with your own type of Miracle-Gro. Feed your lawn. Feed it!...

16 3
ahippienamedrae 10

#11, you gotta do what you gotta do.

7 1
brenton490 19

That moment when the creepy neighbor asks if he can have it for his lawn....

2 3
james_logan 19

or you could have gone to your neighbour's

0 1
supernerd95 17

i don't know man. ... that was some serious shit

50 4
MeanBeagle 22

we know which tree is gonna be the biggest this year

22 4
Nexpecto 28

in the end we're all just animals. everyone knows whose yard it is now!

9 2
Kiki242 19

Oh my goodness. This was one of the few FMLs that legitimately made me lol. Did you use leaves to wipe???

35 4
devildog562 33

Socks were sacrificed and had a proper funeral under the backyard tree.

20 1
dgameseeker 12

When you go to the bathroom and have no toilet paper, be a man and use your hand!

0 18
Khaleesi_26 30

#33 I don't think anyone would be that desperate to use their own hand......

8 2
dgameseeker 12

51 was just an old rhyme I heard a long time ago wasn't literal...just hard to convey it through text that it wasn't meant to really use your hand. My apologies!

6 2
Khaleesi_26 30

Oh, my bad to then #54, i probably should have picked that up! :P

3 4
LostInTheZone11 29

There's nothing like getting back to nature.

31 1
pitapizzaparty 18

You should have called ur wife to check first before u left somewhere that probably had a bathroom

1 23
StarDust5921 16

Maybe it hit him on his way home. Shit happens.

22 1
kaylaaa01 11

I honestly thought you were gonna say you crapped your pants before making it to the bathroom.

29 2
MisterEx 28

I personally thought he went into the bathroom really fast and the next thing he knows he was on the toilet doing his business 2 inches away from a chocked plumber.

2 3
Sansa_fml 38

Maybe if everyone stops making these jokes, we can enjoy them again somewhere 50 years from now.

6 1
kerstileann 26

thats a shitty sit-SHUT THE **** UP AND LEARN HOW TO MAKE A REAL PUN BITCH

9 5
PresidentNorth 16

Damn dude chill out. ***** not the serious.

5 4
Gaernem 17

Ahh the smell of fresh air and fresh sing, nothing like it. Well at least that tree will get some good human fertilization.

12 2
Gaernem 17

fresh dung* Auto correct.. My shittiest enemy.

12 6
Just_A_Tree 20

Dude... I hated it as much as, if not, more than you did. You couldn't have just used the bush? Speeding in this case could make things much worse! Trying to get home and defile your tree, when you're pulled over for speeding... That's a whole new level of FML.

10 8