Miscellaneous: Chill out, mom - FML

Chill out, mom

By chasingcars0624 - 28/08/2009 23:44 - United States

Today, I got a knock on my door at 3 a.m. Turns out, if I ignore my mother long enough, she will assume I have died and will call the cops. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 966

You deserved it 13 188

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Same thing different taste

By Anonymous - 22/12/2010 22:23 - United States

Today, my mother took a bunch of sleeping pills, then went driving. I followed her and dialed 911. Now she thinks that I was "trying to get her arrested," and she refuses to talk to me ever again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 157

You deserved it 4 856

Not now, Doris

By Anonymous - 02/04/2024 13:00 - United States

Today, my mom is in the hospital and I'm sitting by the phone in case anyone calls with news. Each time the phone rings, I bolt upright to answer it. So far I've been woken up by two telemarketers, three robo-calls, and some old lady asking for Doris, who doesn't live here. I can't turn my phone off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 472

You deserved it 85

It's just me

By Anonymous - 20/02/2020 01:00

Today, I stopped by my elderly mother’s house to drop off some groceries. I decided to clean the place while I was there, just to be nice. In true Three Bears fashion, I fell asleep on the couch. I was awoken by a police officer pointing his gun at me. My mom woke up and thought I was a burglar. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 136

You deserved it 333

By Sarah - 26/01/2013 05:14 - United States

Today, my mom barged into my room at three in the morning, demanding to know where I'd been. I'd been in my room sleeping since ten o'clock. In that time she had called the police, all of my friends, and my ex-boyfriend, asking if I was with them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 292

You deserved it 2 479

By annoyed - 20/02/2013 20:33 - United States - Paradise Valley

Today, I was so exhausted that I slept through my phone ringing, and later my doorbell ringing. My psycho mom freaked out, and thinking I was in trouble, broke a window to get inside. This all happened before 7 a.m. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 198

You deserved it 2 770

By ipayyourbillsgorramit - 24/08/2012 23:29 - Australia - Queanbeyan

Today, after getting home from a twelve-hour shift at work, I got into bed and passed out. My mother soon woke me up, screaming that she could tell I was "fake sleeping" and ignoring her lecture on how I need to stop being so "lazy". FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 450

You deserved it 1 908

By lonely - 05/02/2009 15:14 - United States

Today, my phone rang for the first time in four days. It was my mom. She dialed the wrong number. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 614

You deserved it 3 267

By No-Sleep Nellie - 07/07/2015 13:26 - United States - Waterloo

Today, my mother woke me up by loudly vacuuming the house. I had to work the next morning, so I asked her what she was thinking. She told me that if I was really tired and needed sleep, I wouldn't have woken up. It was 3 AM. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 935

You deserved it 1 721

By Tired - 05/08/2010 18:38 - United States

Today, I got home from work to find the door locked and dead bolted, so I used my cell to call the home phone while banging on the door. My stepmom came out of her room, looked right at me, laughed, and went back to bed. This is the fifth time she's done this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 660

You deserved it 3 769

By maf811 - 07/11/2011 12:13 - United States

Today, my mother panicked and was about to report me missing when I didn't answer her calls while I was at a movie. I'm 31, and have lived on my own for over 10 years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 031

You deserved it 2 793

Next

Top comments

redbluegreen 40

Saturday 29 August 2009 9:13

When did she call the cops? Why would they show up at 3am? I mean, if you were really dead, you'd still be dead, at lets say... Nine. In the afternoon. (;

Ashleyxphobia 0

Saturday 29 August 2009 9:07

At least she cares.

Comments

Mister_Kitty 0

Monday 31 August 2009 7:31

That's what you get for breast feeding until the age of 17.

I_iz_epic 0

Monday 31 August 2009 21:11

"she will assume I have died and call the cops" LMAO!! Funny how that's the only thing she thinks of.

lukeecharms90 0

Monday 31 August 2009 23:48

sounds like boyfriends crazy russian mom, all i have to say, make her stop before it puts stress on a relationship

Miss_Makay 0

Tuesday 1 September 2009 4:35

at least she cares because some people who dont have a mom who would call. let along call the cops to make sure their child is ohkay, i mean u cant blame her shes the one who brought you into this world. its bettter that shes over protecting then not caring at all.

Violet_Grace 0

Friday 4 September 2009 23:09

Since I moved away, my mother has done that same thing twice.

jeniilouise 0

Saturday 24 October 2009 2:15

why didn't the OP's mum just go to his/her house and check for herself?!

Hurt16 0

Monday 16 November 2009 10:34

your mom is sooo funny my mom can't wait to get me up n out to college lol

haribo158 0

Saturday 20 March 2010 22:50

feel your pain mate- we love em bt stop calling the cops!

kitxxkat1408 0

Tuesday 27 July 2010 6:55

9 months for nothing... way to go

NekoHakase 0

Saturday 13 November 2010 7:24

Ugh, cut the cord already, Woman. I can't stand over-protective mothers.

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The Top

Today, my wife upset herself by ringing my best friend to see if he would lie about where I was, and he did. Now my wife thinks I get my friends to lie for me to cover up my cheating. I’ve never once cheated. This feels like the next level up from cheating on her in her dreams, because she's crazy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 389

You deserved it 126

Today, my boyfriend came over to have dinner with my family. Everything went well until my mum started hitting the brandy. While kicked back in her chair, she asked my boyfriend how satisfactory I was in bed, and if he enjoyed going down on me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 275

You deserved it 3 577

The Top

Today, my mother mentioned she thought I was Unit 11, and not the correct Unit 1, in my building. I then remembered my last anonymous Valentine’s Day card was addressed to me, but at Unit 11. So my “Secret Admirer” of many years is actually my mother taking pity on me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 547

You deserved it 115

Today, I was at the strip club. I put my dollar on the stage. When the stripper came over to take it, she stood me up and flipped my tits and said I had bigger ones than her. I'm a guy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 054

You deserved it 45 546

Today, a customer came into the music shop I work in to look at guitars. After calling the customer "Dude," and "Man," numerous times, they stalked off suddenly. When I asked if everything was okay, they responded with, "I'm female, you asshole!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 878

You deserved it 43 222

Today, I was making a snowman with my little cousin. I was collecting snow just outside the house, when out of nowhere a snowball struck me in the back of the head and caused me to headbutt the wall. I woke up a short while later to a medic telling me I had a nasty concussion. Thanks, cousin. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 885

You deserved it 3 439

Today, I tried to befriend the lonely boy who sits at the end of my table at lunch. He always sleeps or does homework during lunch. I walked over to him, tripped, and spilled my open bottle of water on his jeans. I apologized profusely and wiped off his pants with napkins. He got hard. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 010

You deserved it 11 921

Today, I had to take an urgent dump at work. I noticed too late there was no toilet paper left, so I had to risk doing a quick "pants around the knees" shuffle to the next stall. I locked eyes with the window cleaner at the same time I heard someone enter from behind me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 719

You deserved it 7 422