Intimacy: Classy dude

Classy dude

By tw@ - 28/09/2014 15:30 - United Kingdom - Watford

Today, my drunk husband came home, got into bed, and started humping the body pillow. He ended up whining about how I hadn't come yet, then angrily slurred that I must be cheating on him. All I could do was stay quiet and wonder how the idiot even made it home alive. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 849

You deserved it 4 874

Fête Nationale: Fireworks and Faux Pas
Celebrate the nation with stories where it's not just fireworks that sparkle! More…

Previous FML Next FML

Same thing different taste

By Canali18 - 17/09/2016 14:45 - United States - Brooklyn

Today, after working a 24-hour shift I was finally able to get some sleep. Not even an hour after falling asleep, I was woken up by my drunk husband humping my leg. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 412

You deserved it 1 116

Wait for the hangover

By Carpet cleaner - 21/02/2012 02:15 - Canada

Today, my husband came home late from drinking with his buddies, only to toss and turn and keep me up for an hour. He then sat up and didn't move for a few minutes. I sat up to see what was wrong, only to see him pissing on the carpet beside our bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 111

You deserved it 2 672

By Helen - 10/11/2012 10:15 - United States - Pine Bluff

Today, my husband came home drunk off his ass at 2am. He started crying on my shoulder because he couldn't go home with some beautiful woman who hit on him, because sadly for him, he's married to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 064

You deserved it 3 084

Love is love

By Anonymous - 27/03/2022 01:59

Today, my husband got drunk, which was bad enough, but then he got me to the point where I wanted sex too, so I let him climb aboard. He was inside me for 3 thrusts and then stopped. He’d fallen asleep, so I pushed him off me, mad as hell, then he farted and shit a little bit. I married this twat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 918

You deserved it 766

By thelunarwolf - 02/03/2011 03:41

Today, while trying to have a serious conversation with my husband about his drug use over text, he came home. Drunk. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 859

You deserved it 8 873

By Anonymousse - 13/11/2015 12:34 - United Kingdom - Pontypridd

Today, my roommate came home after a night of heavy drinking and started urinating on my bed. When I confronted him, he just slurred, "Sorry, thought it was my bed." FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 774

You deserved it 1 553

By nah - 04/02/2009 14:35 - United States

Today, my inebriated boyfriend and I were having sex. He rolled off of me without finishing, and said, "I'm bored." FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 965

You deserved it 7 570

By LadyDean - 29/11/2011 08:00 - United States

Today, my boyfriend came home, chugged a beer, and passed out in our bed without saying hello or goodnight to me. I've been on vacation for a week and was hoping to cuddle. But no, if I try to touch him, he hits me and growls. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 146

You deserved it 6 936

Party animal

By Anonymous - 16/09/2020 02:04

Today, my husband woke up, tried walking to the bathroom, fell down, got back up and started peeing on the carpet. I’ve never seen him this drunk before. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 270

You deserved it 167

Sting operation

By Anonymous - 11/08/2023 08:00

Today, my husband cheated on me 8 hours into our marriage with one of the barmaids serving drinks at the party. He claimed he was drunk and thought she was me. Kind of hard to claim that when I clearly heard him moaning her name right before I caught them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 705

You deserved it 84

flufee2 27

Sunday 28 September 2014 20:27

Lets hope he's a totally different guy when he's sober...

Frank_3xxx 6

Sunday 28 September 2014 20:26

How can you live with a **** like that?

Comments

HotShot313 15

Sunday 28 September 2014 20:39

Hahahahahahah I'm out of words

False_Stupidity 41

Tuesday 30 September 2014 4:40

*throws a dictionary at #15's head. Here's some more!

TXFernwoods 26

Sunday 28 September 2014 20:42

I hope he didn't get home by driving :O

Brandi_Faith 33

Sunday 28 September 2014 23:49

If he did drive home himself then you need to have a serious talk with him! You may want to consider making him take a cab (or get a ride from a friend or even having you drop him off) if he's going to go out drinking seeing as you can't trust him (and he can't trust himself) to not drive while drunk.

Astrum14 24

Sunday 28 September 2014 20:54

How can you be pretty sure he isn't always like this? Do you know OP and/or her husband? Maybe the husband is an abuser and the reason she was staying quiet instead of speaking up was because she didn't want him to turn his attention to her. Not saying it's true, but I have the same amount of proof for my theory as you do for saying he's not always like that.

worldclassrager 39

Sunday 28 September 2014 20:55

Great comment didn't work out though...

hk1998 8

Sunday 28 September 2014 21:00

Seems like an interesting person...

wvni 13

Sunday 28 September 2014 21:10

This needs a follow up. What happened after this... issue?

s25_fml 7

Sunday 28 September 2014 21:26

this is absolutely hilarious i dont know how you couldn't have been in tears laughing as it was happening

six922 6

Sunday 28 September 2014 21:42

right! amazing

barfcannon 24

Monday 29 September 2014 1:16

This was my first reaction and then I came to the very concerned and sincere comment section. Guess we're not mature yet.

chocolatefrog28 29

Sunday 28 September 2014 21:30

If this isn't a usual thing for him, one night you should come home late and pretend to have a go with the body pillow yourself while he's in bed, see what he says the next morning.