I get what you are trying to do, but as someone that has seen many kids with crippling schizophrenia and hallucinations, it's patronizing to act like its a gift.

Don't romanticize it as if it's a gift to everyone - it's an illness, and that's okay. If you personally see it as a gift then that's great and certainly much better than OP's in-laws, but saying shit like "the good balances out the negatives" is really invalidating to people who are succeeding despite what they have to deal with unfairly - not because of it. Oops, someone already said my comment with better phrasing while I was writing it lol.

Why did his comment get down voted? He was being accepting & positive about this. Just like everyone is saying how the in laws should act. I know maybe he said it maybe TOO nice but seriously give him a break and stop lecturing him he just said something so positive about children and people who have schizophrenia.

I down voted him because he is simply wrong. Schizophrenia is not a disorder that people thrive with. Part of the diagnostic criteria involve debilitating hallucinations and fixed beliefs, social impairment and isolation, and unusual behavior and speech. There is absolutely no denying that these patients are very ill. There is zero benefit to having this disease, I assure you that. If one argues that some people function well with medications, my counterpoint is that the medications they use are extremely toxic in the body, causing a myriad of nasty side effects including akathisia, parkinson-like symptoms, unusual oral face movements, etc.

Romanticizing or looking at something through rose tinted glasses isn't actually a good thing. The others have explained very well why it isn't. People with mental illnesses can go through hell because of it, don't ignore their difficulties or make it sound like having a mental illness is a good thing. There's a big difference between respecting someone with a mental illness or being accepting toward it and trying to act like its something they should be happy to have or grateful for.

We can have higher standards than "wasn't blatantly hateful, therefore they're flawless". Positivity is good but it isn't the end-all, be-all.

Okay well I actually am one, so I thought this comment was very sweet & it made happy. But okay

I'm aware

Okay then. You still don't speak for all schizophrenic people, let alone everyone with a mental illness.

@24 - debilitating hallucinations and fixed beliefs, social impairment and isolation, and unusual behavior and speech What? I won't say no kinds have this, but I know not all kinds have this. My husband is schizophrenic bipolar, and while he sees and hears things, they aren't debilitating. I have no idea what you mean about fixed beliefs, but he is somewhat antisocial (has friends, but prefers to stay home). I haven't noticed any unusual behavior other than 'banishing' his visual hallucinations (casually swinging an arm out while stretching to prove 'it' isn't there), and his speech is normal.

Maybe I'm abnormal, but my reaction to OP's announcement would be, "are you okay? What can I do to help you?". I would think making sure my son and the woman he loves have the support and understanding they may need is more important than trying to figure out the genetic code for my hypothetical grandchildren. Maybe when OP and her husband announce they are pregnant or trying to conceive, that would be a better time to worry about the genetic implications. That'll give them some time to educate themselves about schizophrenia.

Um no, it is not 50% that is incredibly false information. If just 1 parent has it, the chance of their children developing schizophrenia as well is only 10%, no where near 50%. The odds are only at 50% if a person has an identical twin the disorder.

you science of pedigree tables is very not correct

Please do NOT tell someone, especially a ******* stranger, they should reconsider having children. That's their personal choice and so ******* disrespectful to try to butt in or try to put some sort of guilt on them.

She was just giving her opinion, not telling the OP to not have kids.

I had someone, who I had to explain/convince that I actually needed medication for my depression, tell me after "well then perhaps you shouldn't have kids then". It affected me greatly and I'm not even sure if I want kids or not. It makes you feel like you should be GUILTY for wanting to birth children. Like you're selfish. They said they wouldn't have children if they were them and to consult doctors before deciding, basically pushing that it would be bad for op to have children. Women who want children but choose not to for health reasons I believe are strong. It's not an easy choice. Once again: do NOT butt into someone's personal choices like that. It seems like a simple comment, but the comment I got was a while ago. It seems like no big deal but it still greatly upsets me remembering that.

"I wouldn't have children in your condition." That pretty clearly says "Don't have children." Yes, they were telling OP not to have children.

I am sorry that I made you upset. I was purely coming from a medical point of view. because the chance that OP and their children would suffer is very high, I wanted to bring input so that if i could prevent suffering in anyway, I would. Again, im sorry that I upset you.

In a part of my family there was a woman with schizophrenia. From my knowledge none of her children or their children have had schizophrenia. Either they should try the lottery or it's not so incredibly high.

Okay. I get it. You dont agree with me. I understand your point of view as well as my own.

In any case, I apologize for so many comments, I believe someone who has to deal with the condition daily throughout their life should know about their situation better than anyone else, especially a stranger.

Why would you take a chance of making your child live with something like that?

That personal chioce will affect her kids for a lifetime.

So do you guys walk up to anyone with a physical disability that can be inherited and start preaching to them? Any depression sufferers? Anyone with any problem whatsoever? If only healthy people had children there'd be no children period. The fact people feel like they have the right to butt into someone with health issues life to try to guilt them into not having children absolutely disgusts me. Are you going to stand there and tell me none of you will pass on bad genetics? Should you look at the parents who chose to have children and shame them? Who the **** are you to try to push someone you don't even know to do what you want, not knowing their life or struggles or thoughts?

#47 If that's you're way of thinking, that people shouldn't have kids on the off chance they could pass down unfavorable traits or disorders, then no one would be able to have kids. Everyone has something in their genetics that could cause harm, does not mean they should forgo having children all together. Schizophrenia has only a 10% chance of developing if the person's parent had it. Also, sometimes there's no genetic factor at all, and develops from an intensely traumatic event. There's a 10% chance of a child developing type 1 diabetes if a parent has it, should they not have kids? Epilepsy has high genetic factors. There's also a predisposition to certain cancers that comes from genetics. The only difference here is that this is a mental disorder, and this type of thinking towards mental health issues is the exact reason there's so much stigma against them.

My family has hereditary high blood pressure, cholesterol, and arguably cancer - but that might've just been lung cancer from smoking. Am I allowed to have kids? Those defects kill more people than schizophrenia does. Or are we only advising against the conditions that're dramatic on paper? While I'm at it, I'd have preferred it if my mother had been schizophrenic instead of non-schizophrenic but abusive.

#33 it is selfish to have children if there is a high chance their life will be extra difficult because of an illness you will pass down. That child will suffer greatly, no matter how well it's dealt with. I know from personal experiences. There are huge overpopulation issues, so why take the chance anyways and just adopt a kid. Also, it really is genetic and commonly passed down, so you're family is really lucky. But I wouldn't say this to someone ever, unless they asked, because it is still their decision. #54 of course you wouldn't say that to a stranger, but by posting this on FML the OP is opening herself up to these kinds of comments. If someone with a physical disability that's passed on genetically posted a similar FML, they would get the same comments.

I've been on FML, never once have I ever seen someone told to reconsider children until now. No matter what condition they had. 10-12% might be higher than many things but that's REALLY not high. You have NO idea how op's schizophrenia is and what level it is on. She did not open this up for people to tell her how to live her life or guilt trip her, she shared a story to get sympathy and/or share how she was treated for having a mental illness. I've been suicidal, many people with depression kill themselves, should those depressed be told not to reproduce? Should anyone with physical illnesses be told that? Adoption is always an option, but it should be an option chosen out of fully wanting it and not some idiotic commenters who think they know better than someone about their condition without being given details guilt tripping them if they want to birth children. Say she listens and feels so guilty and decides not to have children and adopts a child but finds it hard to love that child because SHE didn't choose them because they wanted them. You want that life for a child? To be adopted because ******* like you force your beliefs on if it's okay or not to have children with an illness? Do you realize how hard adopting even ******* is? Should we now go up to healthy people and push them to have children if they don't want them because apparently those of us who have medical issues aren't "good enough" to be allowed to birth children even if we want to?

I apologize for strong language but I'm getting very tired of trying to explain that trying to butt into a strangers very personal choices- as if she hasn't even thought this over or talked with doctors over just the knowledge she has this mental illness- and push them to do a certain thing or guilt them isn't something kind human beings do. This would be a very different thing if any one of you just offered "hey there's always the option of adoption" but no, you have to try to use guilting, shaming, and pushing. It's sickening.

Um,schizophrenia has been proven to be genetic,telling her that it "will be fine"is cruel.

i didn't know it was genetic, but i do know that the chances of it being passed on is not 100%. i think you have a chance to be a carrier, or nothing, or full schizophrenia. what is the rate of the last one? 25%?

If only one parent has it then the risk is 12%. Apparently this person has the right to decide what chances are "okay" to have a child with.

If 1 parent has schizophrenia, the chance that they'll pass it on to their kids isn't even 25%, it's only a 10% chance.

the odds are pretty low. well, 12% isn't that low, but it means an 88% chance that nothing serious will happen. pretty good odds, really.

Since when is ten percent favorable odds for such a mental illness? Would you play a game of Russian roulette if the odds of you getting shot were only 10% instead of 50? The worst part is that it isn't even your own life you're deciding for, it's someone else's!

Yes, because mental illness is exactly like a bullet to the head. Oh wait no, it isn't

Guess you need a perfect metaphor since you can't get the point otherwise. Ok then, how about Russian roulette, but instead of a bullet you're risking someone else get a life long, incurable, stigmatizing, debilitating mental disease. Is that better?