Intimacy: Congrats - FML

Congrats

By Anonymous - 27/01/2013 22:44 - Canada - Rosetown

Spicy

Today, after making love to my boyfriend for the first time, he shook my hand and said, "Good job." FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 822

You deserved it 8 593

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Same thing different taste

By petpeeeve - 11/03/2009 02:53 - United States

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend and I had sex for the first time in our relationship and it was great. He drove me back to my house and walked me to the door, then instead of kissing me goodbye he patted me on the back. Twice. FML

I agree, your life sucks 113 896

You deserved it 10 284

By Kylee Day - 27/08/2019 06:00

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend and I had sex for a second time. When I was getting dressed afterwards with him sitting next to me, there was a silence. To break it, he grabbed my hand and fistbumped me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 545

You deserved it 410

By trina - 22/03/2009 09:05 - United States

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend and I had sex for the first time. I started stroking the back of his neck with both of my hands. He told me, "Your hands are nice and smooth like my grandmother's." FML

I agree, your life sucks 104 406

You deserved it 7 977

Frustrated wank

By Anonymous - 05/10/2023 19:00

Spicy

Today, I gave my boyfriend a handjob for the first time. Apparently, I was so bad at it that he eventually just slapped my hand away and angrily said he'd do it himself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 561

You deserved it 304

By Great. - 18/05/2012 15:05 - United States - Billings

Today, I told my boyfriend I loved him. He responded by fist pumping. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 011

You deserved it 5 346

By Highnapple - 04/03/2015 07:55 - Canada - Sarnia

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend was pleasuring me with his hands. After two years of being together, he was finally about to make me orgasm for the first time by himself. Just as I was reaching my peak, he orgasmed at the thought of finishing me off and stopped. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 131

You deserved it 4 526

First time?

By Anonymous - 29/11/2013 11:56 - United States - Westminster

Spicy

Today, I had sex with my boyfriend for the first time. It was also the first time he'd ever had sex. How could I tell? He cried all the way through, and called his parents right after. FML

I agree, your life sucks 63 285

You deserved it 6 901

New Romantics

By sallyfradoodle - 13/03/2020 21:00

Spicy

Today, I told my boyfriend of two years that he was my first kiss. His reply? I was the first person he ever whacked off to. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 599

You deserved it 444

By disapointed girl - 28/12/2009 16:58 - United States

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend of a month and I had sex for the first time. We started in the shower and then moved to his bedroom. He then feel asleep when I was on top. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 008

You deserved it 5 892

Instructions

By Anonymous - 31/03/2009 05:40 - United States

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend and I had sex for the first time. After what seemed like an eternity of waiting, he finally entered me, then paused and asked me, "What do I do now?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 143 567

You deserved it 16 444

Next

Top comments

annie_nk 22

Monday 28 January 2013 1:24

Grab his penis, shake it and say "You too."

itsalanis 25

Monday 28 January 2013 1:22

Well, you must have done a good job then.

Comments

Flesheatinmonkey 3

Tuesday 29 January 2013 4:45

You have met the man of your life marry him

Joeqness 8

Tuesday 29 January 2013 23:26

the handshake is really odd, but hey, you still did a good job your first time?

sarg1994 3

Wednesday 30 January 2013 5:40

You shouldn't have done such a good job

jatinbhanot 6

Wednesday 30 January 2013 17:10

how do people land up with such people..!!!!

Inked0803 12

Thursday 31 January 2013 4:08

What a douchelord

Victoria1616 3

Thursday 31 January 2013 4:15

soiled it

Geary519 20

Thursday 31 January 2013 15:14

a job well done

krillkel 2

Saturday 2 February 2013 4:42

That's actually really funny. Sounds like something I'd do after something so intimate and serious--and I'm a girl!

Eedpay6 2

Sunday 10 February 2013 4:22

So... You're mad that your boyfriend made a joke after sex? Because he didn't view it with the EARTH SHATTERING SERIOUSNESS that you view it with? Lighten up, OP. He clearly enjoyed it and feels comfortable enough with you to laugh with you. This is a plus for you, but a YDI for being so stiff.

RaulGarcia30 10

Tuesday 5 March 2013 3:36

This guy deserves an award!

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Keywords

Miscellaneous Embarrassing Awkward Sleep Work Love Dating Annoying Am I overreacting? Health Parents Mental health Furniture Kids Friends Gross Public freakouts Fight Neighbours Cops Drugs Relatable Medication Dogs Animals Teenagers Ironic Video games Gamers Zoom

The Top

Today, on the eighth day of my diet, I met up with my study group. Everyone was snacking on junk food while I stuck to carrots. Someone put a Snickers bar on the table. "God, I want you," I thought. Turns out I was thinking out loud. The guy next to me inched his chair away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 350

You deserved it 8 250

Today, I was telling my mother about my earrings hurting my ears. I had a cut on my ear close to the piercing and she thought that I had mistaken the cut for the opening, and said (as we walked past a car full of men), "Well of course it hurts when you put it in the wrong hole!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 75 052

You deserved it 8 438

The Top

Today, I surprised my girlfriend with roses. She surprised me by getting back together with her ex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 485

You deserved it 3 472

Today, everyone at the office was finally presented with the bonuses our boss had promised to pay us by the end of last year. Turns out he was never authorized to promise any such thing, so he ended up just giving us signed "thank you" letters instead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 912

You deserved it 3 421

Today, while driving, I saw a dog run across the road. Feeling sorry for the pup on a cold, rainy night, I pulled my car over to pick it up. Once in, it started freaking out so I turned on the light. It was then that I realized I'd just put a wild coyote on my passenger seat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 020

You deserved it 16 310

Today, after my bosses excitedly told me I'm getting promoted to customer service at our grocery store, a customer called me an idiot in the parking lot for accidentally backing into the shopping cart she left in my blind spot. So it begins… FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 138

You deserved it 5 402

Today, marks 2 weeks since I got Oral Allergy Syndrome, a.k.a. randomly becoming allergic to apples, bananas, strawberries, blueberries, raspberries, blackberries, grapes, mangos, carrots, celery, beets, sunflower seeds, fennel, my toothpaste, and more things I just haven't tried yet. I'm vegan. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 864

You deserved it 2 279

Today, I got into a car accident. I got into it because I noticed a flashy new sign on the highway that read "Being an attentive driver prevents car crashes". Thanks for the notice. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 440

You deserved it 6 715