Sex, Awkward and Intimacy: Countdown - FML

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By unsatisfying - 28/10/2010 05:05 - Australia

Spicy

Today, my wife checked the time while we were having sex. Twice. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 530

You deserved it 15 579

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Same thing different taste

By Anonymous - 19/10/2010 19:18 - United States

Spicy

Today, my wife started checking her email on her Blackberry while we were having sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 055

You deserved it 10 589

Knackered

By bandeek - 23/10/2016 18:52

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend and I fell asleep twice during sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 089

You deserved it 2 894

By Anonymous - 09/06/2013 05:01 - United States

Spicy

Today, my wife decided to check her email, while I was still inside her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 66 326

You deserved it 13 181

By Anonymous - 06/08/2019 16:00

Spicy

Today, my wife stopped halfway through a blowjob to check a notification on her phone for a game. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 192

You deserved it 404

Escape route

By crap - 26/03/2009 08:37 - Thailand

Spicy

Today, I went out with this girl I really liked and she came back to my place. Things were heating up and we ended up having sex. I was on top and really into it but in the middle of it she held up her wrist and said, "Huh, look at the time, I gotta get home." She wasn't wearing a watch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 92 761

You deserved it 17 926

By SuperJesus - 01/02/2009 10:27 - United Kingdom

Spicy

Today, I masturbated 3 times to the thought of my wife because we don't have sex anymore. FML

I agree, your life sucks 69 486

You deserved it 8 081

It's not a competition, but still…

By Shooter71 - 16/10/2010 04:09 - France

Spicy

Today, I discovered my wife has had more sex in the last two months than I've had in the last year. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 292

You deserved it 3 822

Planning

By stargate25 - This FML is from back in 2015 but it's good stuff - United States - Denver

Spicy

Today, my wife sent me a Google Calendar reminder for "sex". FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 295

You deserved it 11 982

Stop begging

By cuckolddreams - 21/01/2015 19:06 - United States - Broken Bow

Spicy

Today, while begging my wife for sex for once, she told me she didn't have time. I said it wouldn't take long. She said, "I know." FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 302

You deserved it 11 755

By Anonymous - 15/06/2014 19:22 - United Kingdom

Spicy

Today, I found out that my wife has had more sex in the last two months than I have in our last year of marriage. FML

I agree, your life sucks 67 112

You deserved it 6 386

Next

Top comments

nibawan 0

Thursday 28 October 2010 16:08

maybe she was checking to see if you passed the one minute mark yet

drakem 7

Thursday 28 October 2010 16:07

Be faster :D

Comments

justAskxx 0

Friday 29 October 2010 1:00

Kinky :P

anonoms 0

Friday 29 October 2010 2:41

small peniss

maphineRAWRS 10

Friday 29 October 2010 2:47

I'd never marry someone that made sex boring haha,

gigilvrs6 0

Friday 29 October 2010 3:21

So? Maybe it was her first time and she wanted to see how long she can last?

cloudyconverse 0

Friday 29 October 2010 5:21

fhl for you being so boring :P don't worry keep practicing

jkpajama 0

Friday 29 October 2010 5:47

u obviously weren't trying hard enough

WillyThaKid 0

Friday 29 October 2010 6:22

next time, punch her in the face while your making love to her, but you have to say something kinky so she'll roll with it... One or two things will happen, she'll start checking the time more, or never do it again.. Its a win win!! Your welcome

wriptidez 0

Friday 29 October 2010 8:43

lol

nswan 5

Friday 29 October 2010 8:48

just knock her out next time

dillib 0

Friday 29 October 2010 8:53

at least your getting some.

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The Top

Today, I tried to send my boyfriend a sexy picture. I took a close up picture of my face, and, trying to be sexy, had my naked body reflected on a mirror in the background. First thing he replied was, "Who the hell is that guy in the background?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 479

You deserved it 6 887

Today, my boyfriend and I were getting intimate. He picked me up and threw me over his shoulder to take me to his room. He wasn't careful enough, and dropped me right on my head, on the hardwood floor. I ended up vomiting and came down with a headache. He still wanted to have sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 199

You deserved it 4 032

The Top

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me because I was unsuccessful at a job interview, and she didn't want to be with someone who "has no future". She's unemployed too. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 138

You deserved it 4 055

Today, my boyfriend lost his temper with me and complained that my "constant" apologies for upsetting him drive him insane, and without thinking, I said I was sorry. He hung up and I haven't heard from him since. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 848

You deserved it 21 216

Today, my wife waited until we’d been married for two weeks to tell me she has a mountain of credit card debt that she’s been hiding from me. This explains why she insisted the mortgage and car be in my name, her credit score is so low that it’s almost a double digit FML

I agree, your life sucks 557

You deserved it 155

Today, I went out to eat to celebrate getting over the stomach flu. I hadn't eaten solid food in over a week, so I was really excited and ordered my favorite dish. It gave me food poisoning. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 885

You deserved it 4 786

Today, I took a girl to a sushi restaurant for our first date. She insisted she's had sushi before, but I had to watch her struggle with the chopsticks for a few minutes before mercifully asking the waitress for a fork. She then ate a fork full of wasabi, thinking it was guacamole. I think there won't be a second date. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 366

You deserved it 3 511

Today, I woke up and my husband said he got me a gift for our one year anniversary and that it was on the table. We laid around cuddling and when I finally got up I was expecting to walk out to beautiful bouquet of flowers. I got two packs of cigarettes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 693

You deserved it 10 790