Animals and Health: Today, I didn't see the cat in the bathroom before I took my...

By Anonymous - 11/08/2018 01:30

Today, I didn't see the cat in the bathroom before I took my pants down, and the beast tore open my ballsack. The doctor says I might lose my left testicle, depending on how the surgery goes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 851

You deserved it 356

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Same thing different taste

By neveragain - 12/02/2016 19:10 - United Kingdom - Byfleet

Today, I ended up in the ER because I ruptured a testicle by accidentally sitting on it. Last time I ever go commando. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 592

You deserved it 4 651

Poor little guy

By anonymous - 16/09/2022 02:30 - United States - Maryville

Today, my roommate thought it would be funny to throw my cat in the bathtub while I was in it. I had to go to the emergency room to get my penis stitched up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 345

You deserved it 134

Deez Nuts

By ALittleLighter - 14/09/2021 05:00

Today, I finally lost some weight. Unfortunately, that's only because I had a testicle removed due to cancer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 081

You deserved it 75

By shanxi - 23/05/2012 18:47 - United States

Today, I was discharged from the hospital after having scrotal surgery. When I got home, the anesthetic had worn off, but I felt okay. Then my dog jumped up at me, paws slamming straight into my nuts. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 674

You deserved it 2 511

Wrong place, wrong time

By Matthew - 10/03/2021 00:30

Today, I awoke with a swollen, painful testicle. I called the ambulance and went to the hospital. After they'd done an ultrasound, it's a bad infection. My nurse was someone I used to know and had a major crush on. She's responsible for checking my testicle every 20 minutes when she checks my heart rate. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 146

You deserved it 132

CLAWS

By Attacksloth32 - 09/07/2021 01:59

Today, my cat was sleeping on me while I was laying in bed. I had to use the washroom, so I pushed him off. Except he used my testicles as a way to latch on to me, through my underwear. Let's just say, after having to change the sheets due to blood, I'm considering wearing a jockstrap. FML

I agree, your life sucks 884

You deserved it 232

By TMI - 04/06/2011 16:41 - United States

Today, I had the misfortune of being left alone with my dad. He took it as an opportunity to tell me in detail all about his recent vasectomy, and the complications the surgeon had due to the scar tissue on my dad's testicles. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 566

You deserved it 2 884

By Anonymous - 18/08/2012 05:15 - United States

Today, as I was riding my bike, my foot slipped and I did a slow speed-tumble over the top, ripping my balls wide open. Number of stitches: too many to count. Size of balls: softball. Color: blue. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 972

You deserved it 2 662

Medicare for all

By US_Healthcare_Sucks - 30/07/2021 14:01

Today, I went to a doctor's appointment, being concerned about some abnormal swelling and soreness in one of my testicles. They fondled my balls for 20 seconds before saying, "Yeah, that's abnormal. You should probably go get an ultrasound somewhere and maybe take some ibuprofen for the pain. That'll be $265." FML

I agree, your life sucks 991

You deserved it 102

Nutshot

By Blue Nut Records - 31/10/2023 18:00 - Switzerland - Delémont

Today, I managed to squeeze a testicle between my thigh and a drawer while doing the dishes. From the floor, writhing in pain, I watched my wife laughing hysterically while our two year-old ran up to jump on me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 321

You deserved it 85

ThrottleJockey 35

Monday 30 July 2018 3:52

Well, balls.

BurnInDemonFire 34

Monday 30 July 2018 3:00

Damn. Hope all goes well, my dude.

Comments

BurnInDemonFire 34

Monday 30 July 2018 3:00

Damn. Hope all goes well, my dude.

ThrottleJockey 35

Monday 30 July 2018 3:52

Well, balls.

Lalala579121 27

Saturday 11 August 2018 8:24

No, ball.

d3rpb0t 10

Saturday 11 August 2018 1:35

I see Pussy Riot is alive and well.

Glowworm56 26

Saturday 11 August 2018 2:55

"Cat got your left ********?" just doesn't have quite the same ring as "Cat got your tongue?"

AlyCo55 12

Saturday 11 August 2018 10:26

How about “cat got your sack?”

Glowworm56 26

Saturday 11 August 2018 15:18

I personally like "Cat got your marbles?"

Charlie Given 26

Saturday 11 August 2018 3:36

DAMN!!! OMG I hope it went well for u man I feel your agony so sorry I understand how it feels about 10 yrs ago my ex's 🐈 seen my dangling balls while I was half asleep sitting on shitter it grabbed them sunk all it's front claws and 3 of it's canine's into nuts and scrotum had to take nasty antibiotic cocktail to save the boys and it was a kitten 😱😫😒

boopingsnoot 24

Saturday 11 August 2018 4:52

I’ve seen what happened when a (~20 lb) dog tried to fight a cat and lost. I can’t even imagine how awful such a sensitive injury would feel!

boopingsnoot 24

Saturday 11 August 2018 4:48

Question: Did the cat live there? Didn’t say “my cat” or “her cat”, OP just said “the cat”

pjsr 32

Saturday 11 August 2018 5:13

Nah, it was just one of those feral cats that roam all bathrooms

Lalala579121 27

Saturday 11 August 2018 8:26

I feel like this is an appropriate time to bring the ceiling cat meme back to life.

Ravenclaws-Jinx 5

Tuesday 14 August 2018 20:28

wouldn't that move be more of a basement cat thing?

Taurus_ChicKa 36

Saturday 11 August 2018 4:53

OMG that's terrible! But how in the world did the cat tear open your ball sack just from you pulling your pants down? Did it literally jump up and attack you? Did you go to sit down? Was the cat on the toilet? So many unanswered questions here.