Sex and Intimacy: Desperate

Desperate

By yourmainman - 28/01/2013 05:03 - Canada

Today, after months of lacking intimacy in our relationship, my girlfriend decided to spice things up by covering her naked body with whipped cream. Except, we didn't have any in the fridge, so instead I had to politely lick shaving cream off of her while fighting the urge to vomit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 937

You deserved it 15 971

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Same thing different taste

By fml - 07/03/2010 15:46 - United States

Today, I agreed to let my boyfriend cover every inch of my body in whipped cream and lick it off. We were both enjoying it until his 9 year old sister walked in and started crying. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 701

You deserved it 24 991

Yummy

By Anonymous - 22/01/2024 20:00 - Germany

Today, my boyfriend brought home some expensive ice cream and we licked it off of each other. It was fun until we learned that dried ice cream on skin smells almost exactly like puke. FML

I agree, your life sucks 221

You deserved it 343

By Walter - 24/10/2015 03:17 - Spain

Today, my girlfriend and I were getting heated. I kissed her on the neck, chest, stomach, and threw up as I kissed between her legs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 138

You deserved it 6 253

By threw my underwear out too - 03/12/2017 00:00 - United States - Hyde Park

Today, my girlfriend and I took a walk on the beach at night. We were completely alone, so she started blowing me. It was great for the first five minutes, but she had just eaten dinner and (apparently) wasn't feeling great. I ended the night in the shower picking vomit out of my pubes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 896

You deserved it 1 903

The sensual world

By Anonymous - 22/10/2011 21:51 - Canada

Today, my girlfriend and I were both at home, sick. We decided to make the best of it and spent the day in bed together. Things got a little steamy, and we started making out. As I started kissing her neck, I got nauseous. Before I could pull away, I threw up all over her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 451

You deserved it 18 116

Milky milky

By Anonymous - 05/02/2022 21:59

Today, it's been one week since spicing things up with mine and my husband's sex life by involving whipped cream. We can now smell of out of date diary, no matter what soap products we use showering. FML

I agree, your life sucks 796

You deserved it 789

Hardly surprising

By Sad, but true - 02/02/2022 08:01 - Canada

Today, after my girlfriend made a huge dinner, we got frisky. About 15 minutes in, I threw up the dinner she made, all over her. She hasn’t talked to me since. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 279

You deserved it 452

By hannah12345 - 26/02/2010 17:54 - France

Today, my mother walked in on my boyfriend licking whipped cream off my nipples. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 819

You deserved it 31 859

By welted - 01/01/2010 05:21 - Canada

Today, my fiancé and I decided to engage in some erotic food play. She covered every region of my body, including my genitals, with strawberry sauce. Today also happens to be the day that I found out I'm allergic to strawberries. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 223

You deserved it 4 238

By bad in the sack - 05/07/2014 04:26 - United States

Today, my girlfriend and I were having sex. She was on top, and then stopped, got off, and said, "Let's go get ice cream." I think this was her way of telling me I suck at sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 167

You deserved it 11 465

superpoptart 24

Monday 28 January 2013 12:04

You sound like a caring boyfriend... But seriously you could've asked to shower together? Your girlfriend is definitely dumb though. Good luck.

K92 13

Monday 28 January 2013 12:04

Omg op that's disgusting! You guys didn't have any chocolate?

Comments

lainzilla 14

Monday 28 January 2013 12:36

ydi for ... doing it anyway. seriously.

perdix 29

Monday 28 January 2013 12:39

Instead of pointing out your girlfriend's sickening error, you meekly decided to quietly suck it up (pun intended) and proceed as if everything was OK. No wonder your relationship lacked intimacy, you have no balls!

K92 13

Monday 28 January 2013 12:44

Or common sense

JJ_Rokk 10

Tuesday 29 January 2013 7:56

Or whipped cream

Chrisuh 29

Monday 28 January 2013 13:05

what the hell? I don't even know, which is worse, either expecting someone to lick shaving cream or to actually do it...

2ru 14

Monday 28 January 2013 13:06

Dude this is bad math. Months without intimacy + You licking shaving cream off of her = RUN LIKE HELL Next when there is an eclipse and you both have sex try using dish detergent for lube. You deserve it!!!!

Eluveitie 9

Tuesday 29 January 2013 0:01

Stop.

illmatic2 16

Monday 28 January 2013 13:11

Are you sure you didn't just walk in on her shaving her whole body?

cappellaaa 23

Monday 28 January 2013 13:12

wow she's on a whole new level of dumb. good luck with that haha

hiandrews69 29

Monday 28 January 2013 13:17

op, I think you deserve this one. Not because your girlfriend is an idiot, but because you chose to solve the problem by licking it off of her. Instead of you know... taking a shower together? That probably would have been hotter anyways.

SuperDanielNL 23

Monday 28 January 2013 13:26

You could have ran to the store and bought some. Of were the few minutes of waiting to long for you?

landon_loe11 16

Monday 28 January 2013 13:38

The fact that you actually did it surprises me.

praetor_fml 3

Monday 28 January 2013 13:45

You still got laid, right?

DrShrug 3

Monday 28 January 2013 14:13

No, he just ate shaving cream off of her naked body, even though it instigated his vomit reflex, to see if it tasted even remotely similar to cool whip.