Should've worn gloves

Duct tape may work, but if not use nail clippers and just cut it out. It sounds painful, but it's really not. Good luck!

Is that what your teacher did to his chromosomes?

That is not how infection works at all! Your teacher is a walnut. Go to a doctor.

Get finger nail clippers and just cut away skin until you can dig it Out with tweezers or use the clippers as a form of tweezers. That's what I always do

Be careful you don't transfer it somewhere else whacking off!

I know this sounds funny but get some drawing ointment. Warm it in hot water, layer it on thick, cover it overnight and hopefully the ointment will pull it from your hand, all without the infection and the digging of the flesh. Helped when I had a surgical stitch in my palm

I know this sounds awful, but use a (sterile) sewing needle to push it out. Works for the deepest of slivers. Hurts a lot, but better than an infection.

Absolutely best way to remove a splinter is a sharp knife, like, exacto blade sharp, cut along the splinter in the opposite direction it went it (to keep from shoving it any further in), a few quick, light strokes should break the skin around the splinter, then just squeeze it out, or pull it out if you can grab it. It doesn't even hurt, just don't cut deeper than the splinter. Probably wouldn't hurt to polysporin and bandage it after removing the splinter. Pro-tip: if it still hurts a lot after you remove the splinter, you didn't get it all, there's still a bit lodged in there.

Hack: tape a piece of bread to it and leave it there for a while. The yeast brings it up so it's much easier to take out :)