Awkward, Parents and Intimacy: Don't wanna know - FML

Don't wanna know

By Anonymous - 16/02/2011 05:50

Spicy

Today, my dad gave me the dreaded sex talk, but he got sidetracked and started talking about how good my mum was in bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 212

You deserved it 4 187

The rhythm of the fight
Discover all the best anecdotes from the month of January, with or without snow, with or without you. More…

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Same thing different taste

By Anonymous - 23/02/2012 20:25 - United States

Spicy

Today, my mom tried to give me the sex talk, while I was mounting my boyfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 819

You deserved it 37 527

By CallaC - 15/03/2012 02:01 - Canada

Today, my dad sat me down for the sex talk. Almost before he could open his mouth, my mother popped her head into the room and said, "Be realistic, Dan. Who would want to sleep with that?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 514

You deserved it 2 901

By more than I wanted to know - 13/05/2013 19:10 - Italy - San Giustino

Spicy

Today, my dad sat me down for the sex talk, except it wasn't really a talk, but rather him making me watch a hardcore porn video with him as he commented on what the actors were doing. I had to listen to all this and ignore his obvious erection for almost an hour. FML

I agree, your life sucks 85 198

You deserved it 5 876

By linn - 27/09/2012 20:14 - United States

Spicy

Today, my mom decided the time was right to give me the sex talk. Towards the end, I had to excuse myself to the bathroom. As I came back, I overheard my dad telling my mom that I'm so unpopular, the only time I'll get laid is when I'm being put in a coffin. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 137

You deserved it 3 210

By confused_girl - 01/08/2013 05:10 - United States - Cedar Rapids

Spicy

Today, I got the sex talk from my dad. It wouldn't have been so bad if he hadn't said, "It's not the size of the stick, it's how you use it." I'm a girl. FML

I agree, your life sucks 60 396

You deserved it 5 041

By tobuscus9412 - 22/03/2015 01:04 - Australia - Woronora

Spicy

Today, my father decided it would be a good idea to give me the sex talk, at Target, at the top of his lungs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 152

You deserved it 3 341

Thanks mom

By Anonymous - 14/02/2021 14:01 - Colombia

Spicy

Today, my mom decided it was a good idea to remind me about my non-existent sex life while all the family was having dinner. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 043

You deserved it 109

By PPP - 28/04/2015 15:05 - United States

Spicy

Today, I overheard my mom giving my 6-year-old daughter the sex talk. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 660

You deserved it 3 338

The birds and the bees

By Anonymous - 04/08/2022 18:00

Spicy

Today, I was having the "sex talk" with my mom because I really want to have sex with my boyfriend. My dad overheard us and is sulking. The only reason he hasn’t said anything like, “I’ll kill the boy” or, “Not until you’re married” is because he’s scared of my mom. Now everything is awkward at home FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 072

You deserved it 318

Scarred for life

By Aly - 09/12/2011 15:40 - United States

Today, my dad finally decided to give me the "sex talk." It was going fine until he said, "If you ever decide to have sex, picture my face like this" and pointed to his face, which had a creepy, intense stare. He just ruined sex for me. Forever. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 174

You deserved it 5 864

Next

Top comments

TheFlyingMan 8

Wednesday 16 February 2011 12:09

I bet she's pretty good.

Asoka_fml_fml 0

Wednesday 16 February 2011 12:45

you should've said "mom said your dicks small"

Comments

cat444des 0

Wednesday 16 February 2011 12:59

If sex wasn't good you might have not been alive!!!

Jimboom 11

Wednesday 16 February 2011 13:11

I concur. Your mama is awesome in bed. Man, the things she can do with her tongue. Mmmm.

Jonkbaby 22

Wednesday 16 February 2011 15:45

what if his mamas a man

jess6blondie9 2

Thursday 17 February 2011 0:09

Then she would be called dad.

DausVanDerDzeko 0

Friday 18 February 2011 12:42

Precisely .

rattusrattus 18

Wednesday 16 February 2011 13:41

At least you didn't walk in on the good sex. That's a mercy. A small one. It's still gross. On the plus side, your parents won't get a divorce due to reasons stemming from boring sex.

FYLSLOWLY 0

Wednesday 16 February 2011 13:47

FYL! LOL!

Mister_Grinch 0

Wednesday 16 February 2011 14:26

Oh shit wrong FML.

my2centsworth 15

Wednesday 16 February 2011 14:35

No one deserves that.

jazziness 12

Thursday 17 February 2011 4:53

OP does for paying attention

Troll1 0

Wednesday 16 February 2011 15:02

well, your mum IS quite good. I would know.

foremostsucks1 0

Wednesday 16 February 2011 16:27

I managed to get away from that lol

Hawkcody1958 1

Wednesday 16 February 2011 16:56

ewwwwwwwwwwwwww. fyl

MissBunny25 0

Wednesday 16 February 2011 17:24

hahahahaha ew

MaximilianMarche 0

Wednesday 16 February 2011 18:00

hey there

19eightyeight 4

Friday 18 February 2011 5:41

real smooth

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The Top

Today, I was walking home with my boyfriend and we passed the shop where my ex works at. My boyfriend slapped my ass right as my ex came out. It was so sudden that I started choking on a fry and dropped soda all over myself. My ex kept laughing all while my boyfriend kept apologizing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 491

You deserved it 2 612

Today, my male model boyfriend admitted to me that he has developed an eating disorder because of his career. He also told me we couldn't have sex anymore, because he might somehow absorb the food I eat, from my body, through intercourse. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 729

You deserved it 296

The Top

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I agree, your life sucks 32 815

You deserved it 4 240

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I agree, your life sucks 18 598

You deserved it 58 309

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I agree, your life sucks 14 783

You deserved it 33 078

Today, I fell asleep in my driver's ed class, and I woke up in a middle of a dream laughing. Everyone stared at me. I found out that the teacher had just finished talking about his vegetative niece who didn't wear a seat belt. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 812

You deserved it 38 519

Today, I purchased a box of girl scout cookies from a coworker. I wanted to save them for later at home, so I placed them on my desk and then headed to a meeting. When I returned, there was an empty box sitting there with a post-it note saying, "Thanks!" Nobody will own up to it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 438

You deserved it 6 357

Today, I introduced my boyfriend to my parents. We all looked together at family photos on the computer. The first picture was a close up of my mother, bare breasts in full view. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 590

You deserved it 3 020