Intimacy: Double-edged sword - FML

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Double-edged sword

By Janitoro - 23/11/2012 01:19 - United States

Spicy

Today, I was blessed with a girlfriend who loves giving blowjobs. And cursed with a girlfriend who is also somehow really bad at them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 434

You deserved it 9 217

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Same thing different taste

In training

By Anonymous - 13/12/2023 05:00 - United Kingdom

Spicy

Today, my girlfriend loves giving blowjobs; the problem is she is very bad at them, refuses to admit she is bad at them, and cries and stops talking to me every time I try and tell her how to do it better. My knob is red and sore where she keeps catching it with her teeth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 627

You deserved it 200

Miscommunication

By Anonymous - 25/10/2012 05:45 - United States

Spicy

Today, I was getting intimate with my girlfriend. When she went to give me a blow job, I got embarrassed and told her I'd rather just please her instead. Now she thinks she's inadequate and I'm being a jerk. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 735

You deserved it 18 588

By PlayTag - 05/02/2009 00:58 - United States

Spicy

Today, my girlfriend gave me a blow-up doll and told me to practice. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 859

You deserved it 18 704

By hitintheeye - 26/11/2011 15:09 - Canada

Spicy

Today, before my girlfriend gave me a blow job, she put on goggles. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 616

You deserved it 17 165

Hidden

By bootyislife - 16/06/2015 20:01 - United States - Lynnwood

Spicy

Today, my girlfriend made me put a blanket over my head while giving me a blowjob because she didn't like the faces I was making. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 694

You deserved it 7 407

By noname - 04/12/2008 05:55 - France

Spicy

Today, after having waited three long months, my shy girlfriend finally gave me a blowjob. Everything was going really well until I said, "Wow, you're really talented. Anyone would think you've been practicing your whole life." FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 660

You deserved it 61 898

Repetitive

By justgreat - 24/03/2012 02:30 - United States - Opa Locka

Spicy

Today, my girlfriend fell asleep while giving me head. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 624

You deserved it 6 232

By Ohai - 16/01/2009 20:46 - United States

Spicy

Today, my mom asked me for advice on how to give a good blow job. I'm a guy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 586

You deserved it 3 078

The pleasure, the pain

By BadBribe - 24/06/2009 19:15 - United States

Spicy

Today, my girlfriend decided to bribe me to be good since we were going out to dinner with her parents by giving me a blowjob. The good news: it was one of the best she had ever given. The bad news: I came on her black dress. She responded by hitting in me in the nuts. Hard. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 205

You deserved it 30 238

By katie - 25/05/2011 08:23

Spicy

Today, as my girlfriend and I were making love, and she started to moan and groan. All of a sudden, she stopped and said, "I'm lying, you suck at this." FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 003

You deserved it 19 183

Next

Top comments

LiyIa_fml 8

Friday 23 November 2012 8:22

Practice makes perfect?

RoboCunnilingus 23

Friday 23 November 2012 8:23

On the bright side, at least she isn't giving them to someone else.

Comments

dannondarko 12

Thursday 3 January 2013 9:35

so, she sucks at them?

AugustusXXIV 5

Friday 4 January 2013 4:46

Well friend, you know how you get to Carnegie Hall don't ya?

jaxv95 7

Saturday 12 January 2013 6:51

Beggars cant be choosers

maloccarini 6

Saturday 19 January 2013 16:14

I agree, give her some pointers. It might seem like a bad idea, like she might be embarrassed..but I sure would like to know if I was doing something wrong.

paintedchocolate 30

Wednesday 20 February 2013 15:57

You're saying that you have two girlfriends?

Hanipan 6

Monday 17 June 2013 18:19

First World Problems - perfect example here. Just teach her instead of posting this here.

Evilbear 16

Tuesday 10 September 2013 21:31

your life sucks. literaly.

ice2eskimos 3

Friday 13 February 2015 2:31

I agree, your life sucks

toxic324x 17

Thursday 13 August 2015 16:23

Murphy's law.

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Keywords

Miscellaneous Shopping Mental health Awkward Relatable Exams Education Depression Health Embarrassing Restaurants Poopoo peepee Kids Friends Mysterious TV shows Coworkers Weird Work Airplanes Transportation Therapy ACAB Gross Parents My ex Sex Intimacy Cleaning Annoying

The Top

Today, my dad and a construction worker were having a long talk. I heard the door slam, and assumed that this worker had left. So I yelled out, "Hey dad what were you talking about? Did you talk slowly so the idiot could understand?" Turns out my dad was the one who had walked out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 882

You deserved it 68 236

Today, a customer bought a luggage tag and asked what it was for. I explained and she asked if she had to hang it around her neck. I explained again and she said she didn’t have her luggage with her so did she have to hang it around her neck? FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 899

You deserved it 173

The Top

Today, after a drunken New Year's Eve party with friends, I woke up with a penis on my cheek. It wasn't a drawing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 801

You deserved it 2 051

Today, my son's first impression of our new neighborhood was to be yelled at by the first kid he tried to introduce himself to, because my son was on the edge of their lawn. Half-an-hour later, I got a lecture at the corner store, because the clerk thinks vaccinations caused my son's autism. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 047

You deserved it 1 414

Today, my first time meeting my girlfriend's dad ended with him chasing me from his house and trying to hit me with a baseball bat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 860

You deserved it 359

Today, and for the past two months, I've been going to the bar with my friends quite regularly because I have a massive crush on the cute bartender. Being quite shy, I asked my friend if he could be my wingman so I could finally talk to her properly. He took her home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 819

You deserved it 983

Today, I was driving and stopped behind a person at a stop sign. Their car didn't move for about 1 minute. I got out of my car yelling at the person. It was an old woman. She wasn't breathing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 169

You deserved it 36 448

Today, I was looking after my 9 year-old nephew when I let him play some web games on my MacBook. A few hours later, I found out I'd underestimated his tech skills, as he'd changed all my contacts to "Mr. Spongebob Squarepants." Thanks to iCloud, all contacts on all my devices were changed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 941

You deserved it 539