Love, Health, Fire and Miscellaneous: Easily distracted

Easily distracted

By Jeanine - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I returned to my apartment to find everything reduced to ashes, hidden in black clouds of smoke. Turns out there was a blackout, and my fiancé lit a candle on top of a stack of all our wedding papers. When he smelled the smoke, he got hungry for a taco and left instead of calling 911. FML

I agree, your life sucks 69 367

You deserved it 5 827

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By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff - Canada

Today, I woke up to my apartment filled with smoke, fire alarms blaring. My roommate set my kitchen on fire while making hot dogs. This is the fourth time this has happened. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 042

You deserved it 4 755

Dumbass

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2019 but it's good stuff

Today, we were having a little bonfire. At some point, while I was inside, my stupid roommate filled a beer can with lighter fluid and threw it in the fire, resulting in it spewing 5-foot flames, catching the pile of wood and the chair next to it on fire. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 987

You deserved it 248

Doofus

By Coykoi - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - Canada - Saskatoon

Today, not only did my boyfriend set my hair on fire, but he attempted to put it out by dumping bong water on my head. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 921

You deserved it 10 431

Smoking is so cool

By Burnt - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I accidentally set my hair on fire while lighting a cigarette. I panicked and put it out by slapping myself in the face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 897

You deserved it 61 546

By Anonymous - 03/08/2016 18:01 - United States - Albuquerque

Today, my car broke down in the middle of nowhere. I walked about 3 miles to the nearest house to call a tow truck. When I got back to where I left my car, it was gone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 249

You deserved it 1 256

Happy New Leg

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff

Today, instead of spending New Year's Eve having a romantic night out with my fiancé as we'd planned, I'm spending it sitting beside him in the hospital because his friends convinced him to go off-road ghost-riding in the dead of night. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 561

You deserved it 4 513

By oh why... - 20/12/2013 14:51 - United States

Today, I got a ransom note saying, "We have kidnapped your husband and won't release him unless you postpone the wedding." The wedding is tomorrow and it was in his handwriting. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 452

You deserved it 4 490

Piss off, basically

By lonelyandcold - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - United Kingdom - Solihull

Today, after coming home from surgery, I discovered that the heating in my entire building had failed. I called my mom asking if I could come and stay with her for a few days. She told me to "think warm thoughts." FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 191

You deserved it 1 929

Effed up

By sunny_funny - This FML is from back in 2016 but it's good stuff - Cyprus - Nicosia

Today, my car broke down. My colleague came to get me and then, later, my husband picked me up from work. We went to collect my abandoned car, but it was gone. It took 10 minutes of me panicking and thinking it had been stolen before he crumpled in laughter and told me he'd already collected it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 353

You deserved it 1 193

Stuck

By canessadawn - This FML is from back in 2015 but it's good stuff - United States - Portland

Today, I was at my boyfriend's house waiting to surprise him when he got home from work. I was laying in his bed when he called to tell me we were over. I couldn't leave before he got home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 802

You deserved it 2 580

dontbegayy 0

Friday 29 May 2009 11:30

dump him .

redbluegreen 40

Friday 29 May 2009 11:31

And you want to marry someone so absent minded?

Comments

Elizabeth_495_xo 0

Saturday 30 May 2009 4:16

ummm and ur going to marry him why?

xkilroyx 0

Saturday 30 May 2009 4:29

@ #7 urr a dumb **** and should prolly go back to the kitchen and make me a sammich k thx

jisatsu 0

Saturday 30 May 2009 4:35

Shit happens. What he really did was give you a story...a story that would be told over and over, maybe even mentioned in his best-man's speech at the wedding dinner.

mister_moops 0

Saturday 30 May 2009 4:39

sounds like you're gonna marry an idiot. #7 sounds like a generalizing bitch btw

kaybear27 0

Saturday 30 May 2009 5:15

The way I read it was that someone in the building was cooking some food before the power went out and he smelled it and went to go get a taco leaving a candle in a bad place, causing fire. My husband has put a candle in some weird spots. Also..internet on a cell phone is a wonderful thing. That's one of the many ways she could have submitted the fml. You don't have to be using a home pc to get on the site jackasses.

jojomworthiss 0

Saturday 30 May 2009 5:27

you should have just wrote.. Today, I realized I'm marrying an absolute idiot.FML. (:

Emwo 0

Saturday 30 May 2009 5:51

Did he make you a taco? (: if not, **** that shit.

hopeinstar 1

Saturday 30 May 2009 6:21

at #123 internet cafes and phones with the internet are amazing things..thats how she could have gotten on the internet also to people who can't get the fml straight she said papers not pictures to the FML mmmmm volcano tacos

ajschuit 0

Saturday 30 May 2009 6:46

I'd just like to say a few things to all the people thinking that he's a complete moron, those thinking that she should "dump his ass", and those who see no truth in this FML. -First off, she most likely exaggerated quite a bit, as it's just plain human nature to do so. If things really were burnt as badly as she makes it seem, they wouldn't know the actual cause of the fire (at least not so soon). -Secondly, I'm sure there's no way that he would have actually known that a fire had started and just left (whether that means he thought what he smelled was just from the candle or whether the fire hadn't started until after he left). -Finally, I must agree with many posters; it is very hard for one to comprehend the complexity that is the cravings one has for tacos. One last comment before I go: If, by some chance, everything happened exactly as stated, I smell not an idiot, no, but quite the contrary. I have a strange feeling that the fiance is actually a very brilliant man, using this "fire" as a cover for an assassination he had committed while his dearest was away. But if that's the case, and he really is a hitman, it may be best for her to cancel the wedding (unless she can deal with the possibility of losing him every day).