Love, Health, Fire and Miscellaneous: Easily distracted

Easily distracted

By Jeanine - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I returned to my apartment to find everything reduced to ashes, hidden in black clouds of smoke. Turns out there was a blackout, and my fiancé lit a candle on top of a stack of all our wedding papers. When he smelled the smoke, he got hungry for a taco and left instead of calling 911. FML

I agree, your life sucks 69 365

You deserved it 5 827

Thanksgiving: Turkeys and Skids
Family meals that turn absurd, because Thanksgiving is also about laughing at little disasters. More…

Previous FML Next FML

Same thing different taste

Dude, what the…?

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff - Canada

Today, I woke up to my apartment filled with smoke, fire alarms blaring. My roommate set my kitchen on fire while making hot dogs. This is the fourth time this has happened. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 041

You deserved it 4 755

Dumbass

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2019 but it's good stuff

Today, we were having a little bonfire. At some point, while I was inside, my stupid roommate filled a beer can with lighter fluid and threw it in the fire, resulting in it spewing 5-foot flames, catching the pile of wood and the chair next to it on fire. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 987

You deserved it 248

Doofus

By Coykoi - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - Canada - Saskatoon

Today, not only did my boyfriend set my hair on fire, but he attempted to put it out by dumping bong water on my head. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 921

You deserved it 10 431

Smoking is so cool

By Burnt - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I accidentally set my hair on fire while lighting a cigarette. I panicked and put it out by slapping myself in the face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 897

You deserved it 61 545

By Anonymous - 03/08/2016 18:01 - United States - Albuquerque

Today, my car broke down in the middle of nowhere. I walked about 3 miles to the nearest house to call a tow truck. When I got back to where I left my car, it was gone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 248

You deserved it 1 256

Happy New Leg

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff

Today, instead of spending New Year's Eve having a romantic night out with my fiancé as we'd planned, I'm spending it sitting beside him in the hospital because his friends convinced him to go off-road ghost-riding in the dead of night. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 560

You deserved it 4 511

By oh why... - 20/12/2013 14:51 - United States

Today, I got a ransom note saying, "We have kidnapped your husband and won't release him unless you postpone the wedding." The wedding is tomorrow and it was in his handwriting. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 451

You deserved it 4 490

Piss off, basically

By lonelyandcold - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - United Kingdom - Solihull

Today, after coming home from surgery, I discovered that the heating in my entire building had failed. I called my mom asking if I could come and stay with her for a few days. She told me to "think warm thoughts." FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 190

You deserved it 1 929

Effed up

By sunny_funny - This FML is from back in 2016 but it's good stuff - Cyprus - Nicosia

Today, my car broke down. My colleague came to get me and then, later, my husband picked me up from work. We went to collect my abandoned car, but it was gone. It took 10 minutes of me panicking and thinking it had been stolen before he crumpled in laughter and told me he'd already collected it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 352

You deserved it 1 193

Stuck

By canessadawn - This FML is from back in 2015 but it's good stuff - United States - Portland

Today, I was at my boyfriend's house waiting to surprise him when he got home from work. I was laying in his bed when he called to tell me we were over. I couldn't leave before he got home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 801

You deserved it 2 578

dontbegayy 0

Friday 29 May 2009 11:30

dump him .

redbluegreen 40

Friday 29 May 2009 11:31

And you want to marry someone so absent minded?

Comments

MissBunnyfufu 0

Monday 1 June 2009 0:24

Your fiance doesn't have much common sense does he... but I'm sure there is a reason you want to marry him.

hope88 0

Monday 1 June 2009 6:04

i remember when fml didnt have fake stories...man those were the days... but i do love tacos! :p

luv_bug4406 0

Monday 1 June 2009 9:16

Has anyone thought that it sounds too fishy..a candle on top of a stack of WEDDING PAPERS?? I don't think he wanted to get married is the underlying message here darling.. 1. Who uses a candle instead of a flashlight anymore? 2. Why would SMOKE remind him of a TACO and not hamburgers or steak? He is lying.

dani_fizzle 0

Tuesday 2 June 2009 1:27

So how do you still have a computer?

iheart 0

Tuesday 2 June 2009 4:44

wow what a tard

cgibbs2 0

Tuesday 2 June 2009 7:42

Bullshit

dmmd8686 0

Tuesday 2 June 2009 20:31

Your fiancé is a moron. Homer Simpson is smarter than that. Either that, or he was stoned. Poor choice on the fiancé. YDI.

Rauron 0

Wednesday 3 June 2009 7:06

He's a keeper :D

nonconscious 0

Wednesday 3 June 2009 9:21

Depending on the place and his relative alcohol consumption, tacos might totally have been a better choice...did he mention anything about the salsa?

ashes2ashes 0

Wednesday 3 June 2009 22:24

your fiance is a fricking moron! the second you get a new place, i'd torch all of his stuff and say, "I wanted a taco, and didn't think that you'd notice the fire. You can always buy it back!"