Love, Health, Fire and Miscellaneous: Easily distracted

Easily distracted

By Jeanine - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I returned to my apartment to find everything reduced to ashes, hidden in black clouds of smoke. Turns out there was a blackout, and my fiancé lit a candle on top of a stack of all our wedding papers. When he smelled the smoke, he got hungry for a taco and left instead of calling 911. FML

I agree, your life sucks 69 367

You deserved it 5 827

Thanksgiving: Turkeys and Skids
Family meals that turn absurd, because Thanksgiving is also about laughing at little disasters. More…

Previous FML Next FML

Same thing different taste

Dude, what the…?

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff - Canada

Today, I woke up to my apartment filled with smoke, fire alarms blaring. My roommate set my kitchen on fire while making hot dogs. This is the fourth time this has happened. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 042

You deserved it 4 755

Dumbass

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2019 but it's good stuff

Today, we were having a little bonfire. At some point, while I was inside, my stupid roommate filled a beer can with lighter fluid and threw it in the fire, resulting in it spewing 5-foot flames, catching the pile of wood and the chair next to it on fire. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 987

You deserved it 248

Doofus

By Coykoi - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - Canada - Saskatoon

Today, not only did my boyfriend set my hair on fire, but he attempted to put it out by dumping bong water on my head. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 921

You deserved it 10 431

Smoking is so cool

By Burnt - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I accidentally set my hair on fire while lighting a cigarette. I panicked and put it out by slapping myself in the face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 897

You deserved it 61 546

By Anonymous - 03/08/2016 18:01 - United States - Albuquerque

Today, my car broke down in the middle of nowhere. I walked about 3 miles to the nearest house to call a tow truck. When I got back to where I left my car, it was gone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 249

You deserved it 1 256

Happy New Leg

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff

Today, instead of spending New Year's Eve having a romantic night out with my fiancé as we'd planned, I'm spending it sitting beside him in the hospital because his friends convinced him to go off-road ghost-riding in the dead of night. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 561

You deserved it 4 513

By oh why... - 20/12/2013 14:51 - United States

Today, I got a ransom note saying, "We have kidnapped your husband and won't release him unless you postpone the wedding." The wedding is tomorrow and it was in his handwriting. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 452

You deserved it 4 490

Piss off, basically

By lonelyandcold - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - United Kingdom - Solihull

Today, after coming home from surgery, I discovered that the heating in my entire building had failed. I called my mom asking if I could come and stay with her for a few days. She told me to "think warm thoughts." FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 191

You deserved it 1 929

Effed up

By sunny_funny - This FML is from back in 2016 but it's good stuff - Cyprus - Nicosia

Today, my car broke down. My colleague came to get me and then, later, my husband picked me up from work. We went to collect my abandoned car, but it was gone. It took 10 minutes of me panicking and thinking it had been stolen before he crumpled in laughter and told me he'd already collected it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 353

You deserved it 1 193

Stuck

By canessadawn - This FML is from back in 2015 but it's good stuff - United States - Portland

Today, I was at my boyfriend's house waiting to surprise him when he got home from work. I was laying in his bed when he called to tell me we were over. I couldn't leave before he got home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 802

You deserved it 2 580

dontbegayy 0

Friday 29 May 2009 11:30

dump him .

redbluegreen 40

Friday 29 May 2009 11:31

And you want to marry someone so absent minded?

Comments

RathaPride02 6

Wednesday 16 November 2011 13:58

Maybe hes not stupid and burn the wedding paperd on purpose so he wouldnt have to get married

TomHarrow 5

Saturday 14 January 2012 4:13

your fiancé is a douche.

newburton13 26

Saturday 10 March 2012 5:45

Throw him out and make him pay for all the damages.

CherryToothache 17

Tuesday 24 April 2012 19:16

I hope you're thinking twice about marrying him until he can be responsible and not completely stupid!

shinshoku13 19

Thursday 17 May 2012 14:57

Sounds like you married peter griffin

thisisabaduser 0

Thursday 19 July 2012 17:19

its not a typical male he must just be brain dead. to go so far as to lighting a candle on top of a whole bunch of wedding papers anything sound like that is beyond me obviously he had some have a problem take your man

jessikamahone 6

Monday 23 July 2012 15:26

You're kidding right

mountaindru 0

Friday 24 August 2012 15:40

@7 why do feel the need to stereotype men like that? I don't think horrible of all women just because your an ignorant raging ****.

Ugi 26

Wednesday 2 January 2013 18:00

What a truly incredible idiot! This is now nearly 4 years old so hopefully you're long rid of him by now, but seriously? Do you really want your children to have those genes? The single biggest factor in a kid's IQ is his/her parent's IQ, you know!