Sex, Gross, Underwear and Intimacy: Fix up, look sharp

Fix up, look sharp

By anonymous - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I had to explain to my husband why putting on dirty underwear after a shower defeats the purpose. We had this discussion in the middle of me giving him head. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 824

You deserved it 9 507

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Top comments

lionandthelamb61 9

Friday 20 January 2012 11:58

Didn't your mother teach you not to talk with your mouth full?

NippsSlipps 10

Friday 20 January 2012 11:56

Multi tasking....nice

Comments

KiddNYC1O 20

Friday 20 January 2012 22:18

Honey *gulp* listen, it's not *gulp* very *gulp* hygienic to *gulp* do that. Edit: **** this, #45 beat me to it good. Lmfao.

shane_109 8

Friday 20 January 2012 22:34

I want some head

Akharr01 5

Friday 20 January 2012 22:41

If you see that he puts his DIRTY underwear back on the. Why give him head?!

irishman1989 0

Friday 20 January 2012 22:43

Well...you married the guy

flyingfox408 0

Friday 20 January 2012 22:58

Today, my wife ruined felatio by critiquing my underwear during it. FML

wriptidez 0

Friday 20 January 2012 23:02

TMI

mama2b3 20

Friday 20 January 2012 23:10

It really irks me when people are redundant. For example, using "but" and "though" in the same sentence. Or in this case "but" and "thogh"

SheepShoop_fml 20

Friday 20 January 2012 23:18

Yeah that's gross. Pants themselves are a different story but putting skidmarked underwear back on his butt is uh...ew.

aquaeyedsiren 0

Friday 20 January 2012 23:29

dirty mouth? clean it up!

tripangelx8 4

Saturday 21 January 2012 0:04

you're still willing to blow him when he puts on dirty underwear? why would he change his ways if he still gets what he wants anyways

Keywords

Miscellaneous Embarrassing Awkward Sleep Work Love Dating Am I overreacting? Annoying Parents Health Mental health Furniture Kids Friends Gross Public freakouts Fight Neighbours Cops Drugs Relatable Medication Dogs Animals Teenagers Ironic Video games Gamers Zoom

The Top

Today, it was dad’s funeral and I intended to speak but I was crying so much I couldn’t finish and mom had to help me back to my seat. Unfortunately, most of our family are arseholes and I could hear someone saying, “Disgraceful, shaming his dad like that.” It was the worst day of my entire life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 636

You deserved it 85

Today, my best friend and I were playing Call of Duty when he said he had to go to the bathroom. Curious, I checked his phone. A text message read, "Tell your friend you're going to the bathroom and come eat. Pizza is here" from his dad. Apparently, I'm not good enough to feed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 060

You deserved it 8 155

The Top

Today, in the booze aisle of Walmart at 1 a.m., an older woman asked for recommendations, telling me she's just trying to get drunk and enjoy herself as she recently found out that she's dying, signed her will that day and her family were being shitty about it. I picked a bottle, she thanked me and said, "Have a good life kid, and don't trust your fucking family." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 281

You deserved it 142

Today, after months of asking my massage therapist boyfriend to work on me, and him always saying he’s too tired to do so, I called my local spa to make an appointment. He then screamed at me for wasting money and for going to the competition when he could just do the job himself. I'm confused too. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 873

You deserved it 221

Today, I went to a family dinner. While waiting to be seated, a guy walked by and I looked to see if he was hot. Then my grandma yelled, "Get your eyeballs back in your head and quit staring at boys!" The whole restaurant heard her. Including the guy. And yes, he was hot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 400

You deserved it 8 385

Today, I'm on a train, feeling good because I got upgraded to first class. The man opposite me just slid me a note saying, "Wee plooky cunt, fuck off!" Charming. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 318

You deserved it 2 360

Today, after being in the hospital for 2 days with no visitors, I got my first phone call. It was my best friend asking if he could date my ex girlfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 62 732

You deserved it 2 595

Today, I went to a concert. Knowing these concerts usually include a lot of black lights, I decided to wear a black T-shirt so I wouldn't glow. I was having a good time, but about halfway through I noticed someone pointing to my shoulder. I looked down to see my dandruff glowing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 490

You deserved it 17 678