Intimacy: FML: Uncensored

FML: Uncensored

By Anonymous - 15/01/2012 02:00 - United States

Today, while spending the night at a friend's house, I was woken up by someone kicking me. I figured she was having a nightmare, and since we were sharing a bed, I reached over to wake her up. Turns out it was her boyfriend trying to push me off the bed because they were having sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 726

You deserved it 4 422

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Same thing different taste

Not a morning person

By Anonymous - 15/07/2021 20:01 - United Kingdom - Glasgow

Today, I was woken up by the sound of someone in my room. I started freaking out, thinking someone had broken in, so I kicked them, only to realise it was my boyfriend coming back from the toilet. I'd forgotten he was staying over. FML

I agree, your life sucks 531

You deserved it 751

Twisted

By sleepwalker - 22/11/2009 01:33 - United States

Today, I woke up in my roommate's bed. Apparently, the previous night I sleep-walked into her room, layed on her bed, and fell asleep. In the middle of her and her boyfriend having sex. He's now going around saying he slept with both of us. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 772

You deserved it 4 725

By Light Sleeper - 14/10/2012 04:24 - United States - Evansville

Today, I woke up to my boyfriend trying to initiate sex with me in my sleep. He confessed to thinking that if he did it lightly enough, I'd think I was just dreaming. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 032

You deserved it 4 495

By breeeeeh - 21/06/2013 22:18 - France - Brou-sur-chantereine

Today, I woke up to a stranger in my bed. Just as my parents responded to my screaming, I remembered that I'd helped my boyfriend sneak in through my window last night. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 681

You deserved it 69 958

Alexa, play "Asleep" by The Smiths

By Anonymous - 01/10/2019 12:00

Today, I woke up to my best friend laying next to me vigorously touching herself. She thought I was asleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 668

You deserved it 222

Cheeky

By woopdeedo_1 - 07/03/2010 19:56 - United Kingdom

Today, I went to a party and crashed on the bedroom floor. I woke up to sex noises coming from the bed. I pretended to still be asleep. I sent a text to my boyfriend to tell him about it. I heard his phone beep from over in the bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 233

You deserved it 3 609

By Anonymous - 21/10/2014 15:49 - United States - Bedford

Today, I was woken up by my dog touching my foot, so I tried to push it away. Then I realized that I'd kicked my girlfriend in the face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 822

You deserved it 7 808

By Jack - 26/10/2009 06:32 - United States

Today, I was in minding my own business in bed in my dorm room. It was dark and my roommate came over, intending to slap my ass really hard. The problem is, I was lying face up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 996

You deserved it 3 007

Poor pillow

By Randy Candy - 12/02/2021 17:01 - United States

Today, I was having a fantastic sex dream. So good, in fact, that I woke myself up breathing heavily and humping my pillow. I was at my friend's house and she saw everything. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 303

You deserved it 279

With friends like these…

By marz88 - 24/10/2009 18:27 - United States

Today, a friend of mine got a bit drunk, but said she was fine and didn't feel drunk at all. I took her keys anyway and said she could sleep on my bed, while I slept on the floor next to the bed. I was rudely woken up in the middle of the night to her rolling over and vomiting on my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 697

You deserved it 7 135

JHC88 2

Sunday 15 January 2012 9:32

Wow, that was really rude of him.

123josie123 11

Sunday 15 January 2012 9:34

Ew they didn't have the decency to wait till you're gone??

Comments

ErikaPie 1

Saturday 28 January 2012 0:26

No offense, but thats a bad friend????

pandalover00 0

Monday 30 January 2012 5:04

Hah! Guess she likes him more than you!!

astavy 2

Saturday 11 February 2012 6:51

that was really rude of them...thats happen to me...i kick back and said to knock it off.....some people just cant keep it in their pants i guess.

lullaby_baby 0

Friday 30 March 2012 23:41

What is wrong with your friend 0.o

yankkeeboy123 5

Wednesday 11 April 2012 8:47

U shudve joined!

Captain_Wood 0

Wednesday 18 April 2012 21:31

They could've at least asked you to join. Sucks for you ugly.

millysala 5

Wednesday 12 September 2012 21:09

Omg Lmfao

Samus_Aran_fml 0

Tuesday 27 November 2012 1:40

I guess it's just me, but I don't normally sleep in the same bed with a friend. Assuming the OP's relationship was just a friend

doihaveto 6

Friday 16 August 2013 22:41

That is just weird and disgusting

XxQuartersxX 14

Tuesday 10 September 2013 17:23

What. The. ****.

Keywords

Awkward Weddings Miscellaneous My ex Love Jealousy Friends AITA Poopoo peepee Embarrassing Health Relatable Therapy Mental health Thanksgiving Parenting Kids Argument Covid Medication Ironic Cute Sports Proposal Annoying Snow Cold weather Cheating Work Money

The Top

Today, I took my friend to the E.R. for an eye infection. While waiting, I proclaimed, "Why, Jesus?!" jokingly. Well, the gigantic biker sitting next to me, who had found religion in prison and is a born again Christian, was not pleased. He spent the next four hours trying to convert me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 568

You deserved it 19 251

Today, while driving home, I looked in the rear-view mirror and saw that my three-year-old daughter had managed to get out of her seat and had crawled to the back window. I pulled over and strapped her in again. Five minutes later she was back at the window. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 220

You deserved it 5 961

The Top

Today, I've learned that you can get chronic obstructive pulmonary disease from second-hand smoke, even if you don't smoke. I don't have it yet, but my parents are heavy smokers. They insist that the health risks are "exaggerated". Why don't you go tell that to my grandma, who actually DOES have COPD and was a heavy smoker until recently? FML

I agree, your life sucks 691

You deserved it 120

Today, I was yelled at once again for being in the school gym without a coach present. I am the coach. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 075

You deserved it 3 085

Today, my friend asked me if I could watch her mother's cats while they go on vacation. I agreed since her house is on my way to work. When I talked to her mother, I found out she has 30-something cats. She reckons she lost count. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 828

You deserved it 3 943

Today, I wanted to change out of my bikini for the ride home from the beach. There wasn't a bathroom near, so I went to change in front of a suburban, parked far away from all the people. I took off my suit, hear the car's horn honk, only to find that the car was completely packed with old men. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 583

You deserved it 69 138

Today, I was at my school's spaghetti dinner with my family. My brother shook up my mom's soda, as a prank. My entire class witnessed my mom waving around an overflowing Diet Coke while my dad yelled, "Come on, put your mouth on it! Suck it! Suck it, Kathy!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 128 239

You deserved it 9 750

Today, my friend, who is gay, announced that he's getting married. I implored him to not invite my parents and (especially) my grandma, for reasons that I'm sure you can figure out, but he did anyway. Long story short, he's inconsolable. What excellent parents I have. FML

I agree, your life sucks 507

You deserved it 127