Intimacy: FML: Uncensored

FML: Uncensored

By Anonymous - 15/01/2012 02:00 - United States

Today, while spending the night at a friend's house, I was woken up by someone kicking me. I figured she was having a nightmare, and since we were sharing a bed, I reached over to wake her up. Turns out it was her boyfriend trying to push me off the bed because they were having sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 726

You deserved it 4 422

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Same thing different taste

Not a morning person

By Anonymous - 15/07/2021 20:01 - United Kingdom - Glasgow

Today, I was woken up by the sound of someone in my room. I started freaking out, thinking someone had broken in, so I kicked them, only to realise it was my boyfriend coming back from the toilet. I'd forgotten he was staying over. FML

I agree, your life sucks 531

You deserved it 751

Twisted

By sleepwalker - 22/11/2009 01:33 - United States

Today, I woke up in my roommate's bed. Apparently, the previous night I sleep-walked into her room, layed on her bed, and fell asleep. In the middle of her and her boyfriend having sex. He's now going around saying he slept with both of us. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 772

You deserved it 4 725

By Light Sleeper - 14/10/2012 04:24 - United States - Evansville

Today, I woke up to my boyfriend trying to initiate sex with me in my sleep. He confessed to thinking that if he did it lightly enough, I'd think I was just dreaming. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 032

You deserved it 4 495

By breeeeeh - 21/06/2013 22:18 - France - Brou-sur-chantereine

Today, I woke up to a stranger in my bed. Just as my parents responded to my screaming, I remembered that I'd helped my boyfriend sneak in through my window last night. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 681

You deserved it 69 958

Alexa, play "Asleep" by The Smiths

By Anonymous - 01/10/2019 12:00

Today, I woke up to my best friend laying next to me vigorously touching herself. She thought I was asleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 668

You deserved it 222

Cheeky

By woopdeedo_1 - 07/03/2010 19:56 - United Kingdom

Today, I went to a party and crashed on the bedroom floor. I woke up to sex noises coming from the bed. I pretended to still be asleep. I sent a text to my boyfriend to tell him about it. I heard his phone beep from over in the bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 233

You deserved it 3 609

By Anonymous - 21/10/2014 15:49 - United States - Bedford

Today, I was woken up by my dog touching my foot, so I tried to push it away. Then I realized that I'd kicked my girlfriend in the face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 822

You deserved it 7 808

By Jack - 26/10/2009 06:32 - United States

Today, I was in minding my own business in bed in my dorm room. It was dark and my roommate came over, intending to slap my ass really hard. The problem is, I was lying face up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 996

You deserved it 3 007

Poor pillow

By Randy Candy - 12/02/2021 17:01 - United States

Today, I was having a fantastic sex dream. So good, in fact, that I woke myself up breathing heavily and humping my pillow. I was at my friend's house and she saw everything. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 303

You deserved it 279

With friends like these…

By marz88 - 24/10/2009 18:27 - United States

Today, a friend of mine got a bit drunk, but said she was fine and didn't feel drunk at all. I took her keys anyway and said she could sleep on my bed, while I slept on the floor next to the bed. I was rudely woken up in the middle of the night to her rolling over and vomiting on my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 697

You deserved it 7 135

JHC88 2

Sunday 15 January 2012 9:32

Wow, that was really rude of him.

123josie123 11

Sunday 15 January 2012 9:34

Ew they didn't have the decency to wait till you're gone??

Comments

rattyrayvn 21

Sunday 6 August 2017 7:57

Jeez how fcking desperate is he...he can't wait one day until they're alone...

Amelia Wood 7

Sunday 6 August 2017 9:41

that's a bit harsh and a bit disgusting!

EmDizzle2007 28

Sunday 6 August 2017 13:22

I swear I've read this before.

Selene1090 26

Sunday 6 August 2017 18:56

I once had a sleepover with a few girls, and while I was trying to sleep they were fingering each other in the bed right next to me. I totally get it, It's really rude and awkward.

jaydoo 6

Sunday 6 August 2017 20:03

You should have said "Next"!

Hillyard 10

Sunday 6 August 2017 21:07

Didn't invite you to join in? Rude!

Talented73 54

Monday 7 August 2017 1:49

A light sleeper sleeps with a light on. A hard sleeper sleeps with a hard-on.

KittehFreak 25

Tuesday 8 August 2017 9:28

Wow, what a dick

Yummi_913 18

Tuesday 8 August 2017 19:19

I can understand the excitement of sex while other people are in the room and trying not to wake them and all that jazz. Not so much on the same piece of furniture they are on though. But what I don't understand, is how the **** you are friends with someone who is disrespectful enough to let her guy literally KICK you to floor while you are sleeping. Literally treating you like a dog. Shit, I wouldn't even let someone kick my dog! Why don't they just spit in your face too while they're at it?