Intimacy: Gagging for it

Gagging for it

By comeuntome - 29/11/2012 19:42 - United States

Today, it's the first day of my two-week stay at my in-laws' house. They forbid drinking, smoking, cursing, and anything even remotely sexual. I smuggled in my quietest toy to keep me sane in this holy house. If only I hadn't forgotten to bring the battery pack too. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 966

You deserved it 29 846

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Same thing different taste

By welptimetoburntheplacedown - 11/08/2014 15:02 - United States - Louisville

Today, I decided to spend a few days at my grandma's house, to help her clean the place up a bit. So far, she's given me a "no masturbating under my roof" talk, used multiple racist slurs, and yelled "QUIET DOWN!" when I so much as sneezed in the next room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 307

You deserved it 3 702

The heart wants what it wants

By Anonymous - 03/12/2023 03:00

Today, my strictly religious parents found my vibrator. I’m a man and when they found out I masturbate with a penis shaped vibe up my ass they went Catholic nuclear on me. I'm trying to ignore them but they have sent up camp in my living room and refuse to go home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 452

You deserved it 241

The agony and the ecstasy

By Anonymous - 01/05/2023 12:00

Today, I got home from my vacation. The last few days of my trip, I stayed at my father's house. I was having trouble sleeping last night so I decided to use a little "discreet" vibrator that I travel with. When I unpacked back home, I realized I'd forgotten the vibrator in my bed at my father's house. I'm mortified. FML

I agree, your life sucks 502

You deserved it 1 012

Judgment Day

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2016 but it's good stuff - United States - Pratt

Today, my fiancé and I are house-sitting for my future in-laws for the next 3 weeks. They left a bible in both bedrooms, along with printouts of an article denouncing the "sin" of premarital sex. They're such complete whack-jobs, I wouldn't be surprised if they've set up hidden cameras everywhere too. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 907

You deserved it 2 002

By piliseep - 03/10/2017 04:30

Today, I had to sit outside with nothing but a large bottle of wine to keep me company and no way to block out the sounds of my cousins loudly having sex with my two roommates upstairs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 114

You deserved it 381

By toriforever - 05/07/2010 23:22 - United States

Today, I have to pack for tomorrow's family vacation. For one week I get to be stuck in a one bedroom cabin with my alcoholic father, bipolar mother, and two much younger siblings who have a passion for screaming. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 628

You deserved it 4 359

Probably

By Not superstitious, but... - 14/06/2023 04:00 - United States - Midlothian

Today, it's the first day that my overbearing and too-controlling parents are gone on a 2-week-long vacation, trusting me enough to take care of the house while they're gone. So far, I've broken a plate (it was in the microwave less than a minute before it exploded) and the power's gone out. Bad omens? FML

I agree, your life sucks 669

You deserved it 168

Freedom

By notsoaloneanymore - 17/06/2016 04:32 - Canada - Mississauga

Today, my parents left on vacation for the week. Taking advantage of my freedom, I was planning on having my boyfriend over. My grandparents just showed up as they "thought I would be lonely." I can't get rid of them. Looks like I'm not having any fun this week. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 076

You deserved it 3 183

It's all downhill from here

By Anonymous - 06/10/2022 10:00 - United Kingdom - Farnborough

Today, my parents searched my room because yesterday they found one of my friends vapes in my bag, which they made me return. Sadly, they found a box vape with 2 e-juices and gave me a talking to. So now, I'm never allowed out of the house until I'm 18 (I'm 14 right now) and I'm never allowed friends over. Also, they're really mean. FML

I agree, your life sucks 336

You deserved it 2 469

By smh - 10/09/2015 06:09 - Canada

Today, after coming home from a long day at work, I found out that in a house full of 5 adults, some rules still need to be set. The newest addition to the rules: No watching porn and jerking off in the living room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 776

You deserved it 2 294

TopBanana20 11

Friday 30 November 2012 2:05

It's two weeks -_-. Get a grip. I think you can survive two weeks without any of that stuff.

AninOnin 24

Friday 30 November 2012 2:03

Go buy some?

Comments

kainpwnsu 19

Friday 30 November 2012 9:47

In-laws, you say? Isn't that what your HUSBAND is for, or does he require batteries, too?

asherm 15

Friday 30 November 2012 11:15

Seriously?! Your married!! And you can't have sex? I'd stay in a hotel

HitchHiker42 18

Friday 30 November 2012 12:26

"Oh, it's only two weeks." Right, because I'll bet every single person who said that could go two weeks without masturbating. Idiots.

charvisioku 22

Friday 30 November 2012 14:05

Yep, most people can actually. It might not be nice but there are much worse things that could happen. 'Idiot'.

macs4evr 7

Friday 30 November 2012 12:50

Wow. Can't stand 2 weeks? Nympho much?

johnny_derp 3

Friday 30 November 2012 23:18

****-shaming much?

echosaints 5

Friday 30 November 2012 13:01

Am I the only one who noticed op said "its the first day in their house" which means they wanted to have some fun right when she got there? why didn't u get ur "fix" before u went. And the not drinking and smoking rule is a reasonable request in someone else's house. But how will they know if u have sex?

dreamer9614 3

Friday 30 November 2012 13:23

*husband

NickPaulson 6

Friday 30 November 2012 14:35

How about your spouse?

Zehla 7

Friday 30 November 2012 15:50

You are an adult and yet they treat you like you are 14? What do they think you do with their son at night, pillow fight? Ydi for marrying into a lunatic family...lol

BrotherTheo 31

Friday 30 November 2012 15:51

My thinking here is...You went into this situation with open eyes right? You knew before staying in their home what the rules where. If you didn't like them, you didn't have to stay there. *shrugs*. I'm not saying their rules make any sense whatsoever or that I agree with them mind you, but when you go into their home, you accept that you will, in fact, agree to them. Nobody's forcing you to stay at their home. You are an adult. you have other options. You can stay at your home, where you can do whatever you want.