Intimacy: Get where you can! - FML

Get where you can!

By Anonymous - 10/06/2014 02:14 - United States - Richmond

Spicy

Today, I realized how bad my sex life is when I scratched a mosquito bite and almost had an orgasm. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 432

You deserved it 9 797

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Same thing different taste

Stiff

By Anonymous - 20/08/2020 05:02

Spicy

Today, I had the house to myself so I lay on my bed with a porno for some me time. I was just about to begin when I felt a sting. A mosquito bit me right on the shaft. I’m allergic to mosquitos, so now I’m sweating, covered in hives and my knob is swollen in a very bad, not fun way. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 227

You deserved it 474

By sex deprived - 16/06/2013 05:10 - United States

Spicy

Today, I got more pleasure from scratching a bug bite than I've gotten from my boyfriend in 2 whole years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 227

You deserved it 11 656

AAaaaaaah!

By Anonymous - 23/02/2023 16:00 - New Zealand - Auckland

Spicy

Today, I finally got to see my girlfriend's mouth open with pleasure… while she was scratching a bug bite. FML

I agree, your life sucks 400

You deserved it 730

Superfreak

By callie - 18/06/2011 06:08 - United States

Spicy

Today, I got some really bad mosquito bites on the outside of my thighs. They itched, and my jeans prevented me from scratching them, so I unbuttoned my pants, stuck my down my leg and started scratching. My mom walked in, and won't believe I wasn't masturbating. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 957

You deserved it 6 644

By kaylajere - 26/05/2010 08:17 - United States

Today, I decided to lay out and tan. I fell asleep and got sun burned and bitten numerous times by mosquitoes. If I scratch my itch, the burn hurts terribly. If I don't scratch it, it itches terribly. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 170

You deserved it 36 796

By awkardtaco - 28/09/2018 13:30

Today, in spite of 2 different types of bug spray, underwear, and jeans, I discovered not one, but two mosquito bites on my vagina. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 628

You deserved it 234

Hey Scratchy!

By Anonymous - 03/09/2019 18:00

Today, I got a mosquito bite under each armpit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 507

You deserved it 177

By pissed off - 17/05/2014 00:33 - United States - Brentwood

Today, I was taking a piss, when a mosquito came out of nowhere and headed straight for my dick. In my startled attempt to ward it away, I pissed all over everything, including myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 708

You deserved it 14 969

You've got a friend

By no one - 21/05/2011 09:07 - United States

Spicy

Today, I woke up to a mosquito feeding on my morning wood; probably the only thing that will ever suck my penis. FML

I agree, your life sucks 65 631

You deserved it 11 408

By sprainedankle - 17/05/2013 20:49 - Saudi Arabia - Riyadh

Today, I got a mosquito bite inside my cast. I slipped a ruler into it and started scratching to relieve the itch. Part of the ruler ended up snapping off inside. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 637

You deserved it 15 729

Next

Top comments

rhysfucker 24

Tuesday 10 June 2014 12:27

Where did it bite you and how long did you scratch?

tygerarmy 35

Tuesday 10 June 2014 12:28

That mosquito really got your blood flowing.

Comments

PearceIsFallen 6

Wednesday 11 June 2014 20:17

OP, if I may offer you some advice, either find someone to take care of it for you, or do it yourself.

thehieser 4

Sunday 15 June 2014 1:43

U have fingers. Use them

bennysmom514 1

Sunday 15 June 2014 4:41

I feel like it isn't all about your poor sex life. I had poison ivy once and in the hot water of the shower I had similar feelings Lol . just pleasure centers of the body I suppose...

Chibi_Kitten 24

Saturday 21 June 2014 22:00

The heck was this bite?! On the bright side, you found that you are capable of having an ******.

15751 7

Monday 30 June 2014 10:44

Ahah is that even possible?

Kristen320 21

Monday 28 March 2016 1:01

That bump isn't a mosquito bite...

Keywords

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The Top

Today, I went out to dinner with my boyfriend and his mom. The hostess asked if I needed "the kid's menu," remarked how I look "so grown up for your age," and asked what grade I was in. I said I'm in university. She laughed as if it was the best joke ever told. I'm 22. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 774

You deserved it 2 046

Today, I came out as lesbian and introduced my new girlfriend to my family. My mom angrily told me that I should have waited until my grandparents had died before coming out, and that I was "extremely disrespectful" for making this announcement. I honestly thought everyone would be fine with it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 094

You deserved it 1 169

The Top

Today, I made roast beef with mashed potatoes and green beans for dinner. My 8-year-old daughter was crying and gagging the whole time, and eventually said between sobs, "Can't you just beat me and send me to bed hungry instead?" I have no clue where she got that idea from. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 254

You deserved it 462

Today, I texted the man I'm dating, told him I was having a terrible day and asked him to say something to cheer me up. His response? "Did you know that rabbits shriek when they're killed?" I'm still having a terrible day, and now I can't stop thinking about dying, shrieking bunnies. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 033

You deserved it 9 188

Today, I was shopping at the grocery market and was next in line. Behind me was a woman who only had two items, so I nicely let her in front of me, as it looked like she was in a hurry. When she was all rung up, she decided to pay her $16.45 in loose change which needed to be counted out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 149

You deserved it 6 222

Today, I met my girlfriend's father for the first time, and from what I'd heard he's super strict and uptight. I go in for the firm handshake after introducing myself while looking him in the eyes and I accidentally grabbed his junk. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 077

You deserved it 2 165

Today, as every day for the past three weeks, I had to hear my housemate complain about an order being delayed. The last couple of orders took two months to arrive, and she decided to order yet again from that company, so she checks daily and I have to hear about it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 943

You deserved it 138

Today, I received a package at work. Thinking it was something I ordered, I opened it in front of my coworkers. It was a gift from my grandmother: a giant pink, “I Love My Grandson” T-shirt. The worst part? They insisted I put it on and take a picture to send to her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 300

You deserved it 278