Intimacy, Sex and Wanker: Stiff - FML

Stiff

By Anonymous - 20/08/2020 05:02

Spicy

Today, I had the house to myself so I lay on my bed with a porno for some me time. I was just about to begin when I felt a sting. A mosquito bit me right on the shaft. I’m allergic to mosquitos, so now I’m sweating, covered in hives and my knob is swollen in a very bad, not fun way. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 227

You deserved it 474

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Same thing different taste

Get where you can!

By Anonymous - 10/06/2014 02:14 - United States - Richmond

Spicy

Today, I realized how bad my sex life is when I scratched a mosquito bite and almost had an orgasm. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 432

You deserved it 9 797

Hey Scratchy!

By Anonymous - 03/09/2019 18:00

Today, I got a mosquito bite under each armpit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 507

You deserved it 177

By Anonymous - 27/11/2009 04:26 - United States

Spicy

Today, I wanted to take a nice hot relaxing bath. A wasp somehow got in, and stung me on the nuts. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 423

You deserved it 4 849

By Urgghh - 16/05/2013 21:36 - United Kingdom - London

Spicy

Today, I got a mosquito bite on my chest. Due to a severe allergic reaction it has swollen my left breast a cup size. The first thing my boyfriend said was, "Hey look! I can finally see one of them." FML

I agree, your life sucks 65 531

You deserved it 6 433

Intruder alert!

By Anonymous - 28/07/2023 22:00

Spicy

Today, in the middle of sex, a bee stung me on the vulva. Definitely not the kind of prick I was expecting to get. FML

I agree, your life sucks 930

You deserved it 166

You've got a friend

By no one - 21/05/2011 09:07 - United States

Spicy

Today, I woke up to a mosquito feeding on my morning wood; probably the only thing that will ever suck my penis. FML

I agree, your life sucks 65 631

You deserved it 11 408

By kaylajere - 26/05/2010 08:17 - United States

Today, I decided to lay out and tan. I fell asleep and got sun burned and bitten numerous times by mosquitoes. If I scratch my itch, the burn hurts terribly. If I don't scratch it, it itches terribly. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 170

You deserved it 36 796

Sexy time

By Anonymous - 29/07/2016 20:33

Spicy

Today, I woke up to my balls being sucked on. Unfortunately, it was by a mosquito. I hate the summer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 900

You deserved it 1 686

By julian1 - 19/08/2015 11:34 - United States - Orlando

Today, I decided to sunbathe in my backyard in an attempt to be healthy. The result? Insect bites over my body. Somehow, despite being fully clothed the entire time, my scrotum also received several bites. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 065

You deserved it 10 558

The price of sin

By Anonymous - 30/05/2016 16:35 - United States - Houston

Spicy

Today, my girlfriend and I decided to have some alone time under the stars. Things were getting hot and heavy in my truck bed and clothes went everywhere. After getting dressed, I felt pain. Little did I know that I threw my underwear in an ant pile. I got bit down south, a lot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 804

You deserved it 3 870

Next

Top comments

Adam Michael Valenzuela 7

Thursday 20 August 2020 20:48

That mosquito gave you more action than a human woman ever would.

Jonkbaby 22

Friday 21 August 2020 13:46

That..........sucks

Comments

RichardPencil 30

Thursday 20 August 2020 6:19

You should take photos to show the ladies you meet online. They like them.

Adam Michael Valenzuela 7

Thursday 20 August 2020 20:48

That mosquito gave you more action than a human woman ever would.

Jonkbaby 22

Friday 21 August 2020 13:46

That..........sucks

Taurus_ChicKa 36

Sunday 23 August 2020 21:43

That is not how you're supposed to get a ********.

Keywords

Cheating Love Relatable Work Money My ex Jealousy Accident Health Medication ADHD Weather Snow Miscellaneous Awkward Embarrassing Am I overreacting? Relationship advice Weird AITA Dating Sleep Annoying Parents Mental health Furniture Kids Gross Friends Public freakouts

The Top

Today, my girlfriend will only have sex when she's on her period, because it's the only time she gets horny. She also gets body acne, bloating, and utterly foul BO and gas. The sex is so unpleasant, I'm starting to wish she just got cranky and emotional. FML

I agree, your life sucks 410

You deserved it 211

Today, I was giving my boyfriend a blowjob, which I don't normally do because I have a fear of getting hit in the eye. Afterwards, I went to suck a lemon to get the taste out of my mouth. Sure enough, I bit the wrong spot and had lemon juice shoot right into my eye. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 510

You deserved it 84 242

The Top

Today, I was sitting in my room when my dad walked in to talk. He said I'm not the son he'd hoped for, and that he'd been let down as a father. He said I should change the way I am so that he could love me more. It was the longest conversation I've had with my dad in years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 190

You deserved it 161

Today, my friends and I were feeling nostalgic and decided to listen to some of Dane Cook's old stuff. We got to "The Friend Nobody Likes" and I commented that I'm glad we don't have a person like that in our group. This was followed by a very awkward silence, and someone suggesting we listen to something else. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 154

You deserved it 234

Today, I said that I'm not okay with my body. I'm not extremely obese, just gained some pounds, but it bugs me. My wife told me to search opportunities instead of excuses, and go to the f*ing gym. I'm still recovering after a serious accident and surgery, and I can't walk yet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 500

You deserved it 118

Today, I’m a short but decently attractive male but I can’t gain enough confidence to approach women, because of the trauma from female classmates treating me terribly in high school when I was still short, but also still going through puberty. FML

I agree, your life sucks 760

You deserved it 214

Today, I asked out this girl I've been spending a lot of time with lately. She told me she was only hanging out with me because she thought I was gay and wouldn't try to get in her pants. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 499

You deserved it 4 908

Today, my boyfriend called me explaining that he is getting married this weekend to a woman he met on Craigslist. Why? Because I won't marry him, and he'll make an extra thousand dollars per month having a wife since he is in the army. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 640

You deserved it 12 287