Health: Good morning!

Good morning!

By Anonymous - 28/05/2018 09:00 - United States - Fairbanks

Today, while I brewed myself a cup of coffee, my best friend began screwing around with a can opener like it was nunchucks. He looked at me and said, "Wouldn't it suck if-" as he flung it around and one of the handles flew off, directly into my testicles. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 881

You deserved it 200

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Same thing different taste

By unknown - 21/09/2011 12:40 - Philippines

Today, I thought it would be funny to put a few extra spoonfuls of sugar in my co-worker's coffee. He thought it would be funny to throw the boiling hot coffee over my crotch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 626

You deserved it 39 161

By ouch... - 03/03/2010 11:13 - United States

Today, while trying to pull a nail out of some wood with a crowbar in my theatre class, my girlfriend, who was holding down the wood with her foot, thought it would be funny to move her foot and make me lose my balance. Instead, the crowbar flew up and struck me in the nuts. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 172

You deserved it 3 411

By Lexi - 31/10/2009 20:15 - France

Today, after telling my best friend an idiot could make Kraft Dinner, I spilled boiling water all over my hands and forearms while attempting to strain the noodles. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 215

You deserved it 36 249

For science

By Rach - 26/10/2023 04:00 - United Kingdom - Glasgow

Today, I was making some tea for my colleagues when I accidentally dropped the tea bag into my cup of coffee. I thought, "Why not?" and took a sip. It tasted like a caffeinated botanical disaster, and the whole office got to enjoy me retch for 10 minutes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 210

You deserved it 711

By CoffeeStained - 10/11/2015 15:54 - United States - Richmond

Today, I set my cup of coffee down on the stall floor to take care of my business. A hand reached under the stall door and took my coffee. I yelled to give it back, calling them obscene names. Moments later, my fresh coffee came flying over the door. I'm burned from my head to my legs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 407

You deserved it 10 135

Public freakout!

By Cheerieful - 07/05/2011 16:26 - United States

Today, I playfully nudged my friend on the shoulder. She countered by shoving me head-first into a trash can. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 193

You deserved it 10 254

By disheshateme - 18/11/2009 07:03 - United States

Today, it was my turn to do the suite's dishes. I was in the process of drying my roommate's coffee mug when the handle suddenly snapped off and the sharp edge left on the mug scraped down my arm. I now have a 3-inch long gash in my arm. I was attacked by a cheap coffee mug. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 706

You deserved it 3 985

By Anonymous - 11/11/2010 17:46 - United States

Today, I was drinking coffee out of my favorite mug, when it slipped out of my hand. I caught it, but not before most of the hot coffee spilled all over my lap. In reaction, I dropped the mug again, shattering it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 246

You deserved it 4 260

By mumblingdope - 25/05/2016 08:52 - Indonesia - Jakarta

Today, I decided to have a hot cup of coffee. Then I stumbled on a chair and somehow spilled the hot liquid on my privates. The searing pain worked better to wake me up than the coffee itself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 954

You deserved it 1 197

By Nutless - 02/04/2009 00:34 - United States

Today, one of my baseball teammates thought it would be funny to perform a "cup-check", by hitting our crotches with the end of a baseball bat. I was actually watching the game, so I didn't see him when he came up and hit me. I wasn't wearing a cup. My nuts have shrunk by half of regular size. FML

I agree, your life sucks 62 567

You deserved it 12 423

RichardPencil 30

Monday 28 May 2018 19:47

“Yes. Yes, it would.”

Glowworm56 26

Monday 28 May 2018 20:12

"Everybody was kung fu fighting! That handle hit your nuts fast as lightning!"

Comments

RichardPencil 30

Monday 28 May 2018 19:47

“Yes. Yes, it would.”

Glowworm56 26

Monday 28 May 2018 20:12

"Everybody was kung fu fighting! That handle hit your nuts fast as lightning!"

RichardPencil 30

Monday 28 May 2018 20:14

“Can-in-ball!”

Lobby_Bee 17

Monday 28 May 2018 20:15

Eggs for breakfast, a good source of protein.

tenniemo 19

Tuesday 29 May 2018 0:41

At least it was just the handle, and not the blade. Could have been worse!

Glowworm56 26

Tuesday 29 May 2018 1:54

Yeah, I would hate a ninja circumcision!

RichardPencil 30

Tuesday 29 May 2018 6:46

That would be a ninja castration.

Davros 12

Tuesday 29 May 2018 11:21

awe man, right in the beans

xercister 19

Tuesday 29 May 2018 21:36

And now you know... You got some balls.

1gullible_bugger 33

Sunday 3 June 2018 23:14

very much so

vikirosecamel 21

Friday 23 November 2018 17:34

Good thing it wasn't a nutcracker

Keywords

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The Top

Today, I accidentally fell asleep at work after working a 12-hour shift. Instead of waking me up, my coworkers spiked my coffee mug with whiskey and told my boss I was drunk. My boss wouldn't even listen to my side of the story and fired me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 707

You deserved it 2 991

Today, after I'd decided to give online dating another shot and I matched with someone who seemed interesting, during our actual date our conversation quickly devolved into a debate about whether pineapple belongs on pizza. I ended up blocking her after she sent me a thesis on the subject. FML

I agree, your life sucks 146

You deserved it 414

The Top

Today, my dad has apparently decided that it's too much of a bother to put clothes on when he gets out of bed. He's been walking around in his tighty-whiteys for hours now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 490

You deserved it 2 469

Today, I asked my professor for his opinion on the subject I plan to study in my thesis. Turns out, he likes it so much that he's going to steal it from me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 992

You deserved it 2 956

Today, I read the instructions on my new prescription constipation medicine: "For best results, defecate before use." FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 734

You deserved it 1 711

Today, I went to the ice cream shop after dinner. I am deathly allergic to nuts so I picked the vanilla. I take one bite and feel something crunchy, and see what I thought was an almond in the cup. I spit out the icecream in a panic. Good news? It wasn't an almond. Bad news? It was a cockroach. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 551

You deserved it 2 623

Today, I learned I have a slight allergy to wasps when I cut down a dead tree they made a home out of. Half my face now looks like I'm wearing a fat suit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 826

You deserved it 372

Today, a guy tried to pick me up with the line, "You're ugly. Just kidding. You're my date." FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 475

You deserved it 3 984

Good morning!

Same thing different taste

For science

Public freakout!

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