Love, Poopoo peepee and Cute: Good news!

Good news!

By CaseyFpC85 - 11/09/2011 15:13 - United States

Today, the girl I've been dating, and starting to fall in love with, walked out of the bathroom claiming we were going to be parents. I jumped off of the couch in disbelief, yelling, "Really?" She replied, "Really. I just gave birth to a huge dump baby." FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 461

You deserved it 7 992

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Same thing different taste

By poopydaddy - 03/05/2013 11:32 - Canada - Oakville

Today, I found out that every time my girlfriend takes a big dump, she pretends as if she's giving birth and screams uncontrollably. I just moved in with her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 875

You deserved it 5 659

By Anonymous - 15/09/2014 18:48 - United Kingdom - Liverpool

Today, I took a shit of biblical proportions. I flushed and opened a window, but my pregnant wife went in straight after me. Her morning sickness kicked in and she quickly ran out, vomit dripping from her mouth. She's pissed and thinks I planned the whole thing as a prank. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 184

You deserved it 4 389

The bed is lava

By for better or for farts - 06/08/2020 23:01

Today, my very pregnant wife woke up in bed, grabbing her stomach and writhing in pain. Worried that the baby might be in distress, I asked her what was wrong. She gasped then let out what can only be described as a river of hot liquid shit all over herself and my legs. We both cried. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 409

You deserved it 207

Double whammy

By Anonymous - 28/02/2023 16:00 - Argentina

Today, my wife told me she wanted a divorce and walked out. This is two days after she informed me that she is unexpectedly pregnant. FML

I agree, your life sucks 926

You deserved it 85

Rollercoaster

By Anonymous - 05/03/2010 12:54 - United States

Today, my girlfriend blew up at me for a comment I had made several weeks ago about not wanting kids. Then, she told me that she's pregnant. After consoling her and telling her that whatever we do, we'll do it together, she further explained that she's not sure if it's mine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 717

You deserved it 3 659

By Anonymous - 01/11/2010 17:30 - United States

Today, I drove to the hospital to see my newborn. I went to the room, picked him out of the crate and held him. Then I heard the toilet flush and saw a woman who I didn't know come out. She screamed. My wife was in the room next door. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 496

You deserved it 10 377

By actually just constipated.. and stupid - 04/03/2015 15:03 - Tunisia

Today, I went to the doctor, because I've been having stomach pains and nausea for weeks. He ended up gravely telling me I'm pregnant. I freaked out and panicked about what my parents would say. Then his laughter reminded me that I'm a guy. A really stupid one. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 368

You deserved it 37 991

By Annakins - 06/06/2010 18:31 - United States

Today, I am 9 months pregnant. I had a dream where I successfully pushed and gave birth to my son. Meanwhile, in the real world, I successfully pushed and gave birth to a large dump. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 247

You deserved it 7 089

By ugh - 03/09/2013 23:53 - United States - Lancaster

Today, I ended up taking a massive dump after being constipated for a while. I thought I was alone, so I pretended I was giving birth to my turd, and let out all kinds of sound effects. Next thing I know, I hear a knock at the door and my mom asking, "Should I call 911?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 765

You deserved it 40 919

By Anonymous - 04/12/2013 22:08 - United States - Marsing

Today, I told my boyfriend that I've missed my period, and that I think I might be pregnant. He started panicking and ended up puking in the toilet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 471

You deserved it 12 274

Britttx26 0

Sunday 11 September 2011 19:00

You got yourself a winnnner!:)

hombrepollo 0

Sunday 11 September 2011 19:06

I don't wanna break it to u, but ur not the father...... It's chipotle

Comments

aragmir 13

Monday 12 September 2011 5:41

Wtf are you complaining about OP? She's got a manly sense of humour! Thats GOLD man!!!

dennis96411 12

Monday 12 September 2011 5:53

Haha she got you all worried.

THobsession4 18

Monday 12 September 2011 5:53

Anyone else think that possibly she could've said that to get rid of him? O-o

missamanda6180 9

Monday 12 September 2011 5:58

That is disgusting, what kind of girl talks like that? In front of her boyfriend, no less? Sorry man, I feel ya... :(

DaniD365 0

Monday 12 September 2011 5:59

Way 2 pick em' ;) haha

andanotherthing 4

Monday 12 September 2011 6:14

get over it! at least she has a sense of humor.

Fatalally 4

Monday 12 September 2011 6:20

I just don't understand how a woman can't realize she's giving birth. Apparently she takes baby sized ****s regularly.

nvo 6

Monday 12 September 2011 7:20

If you should ever consider having kids, better stick to a cool girl with a hearty sense of humor likr your gf.

Msadd 0

Monday 12 September 2011 7:29

Someone call Maury

polishboy 0

Monday 12 September 2011 7:35

Hahaha at least it's not a dumpster baby

Keywords

Poopoo peepee Embarrassing Love Miscellaneous Romantic Christmas Break-ups Annoying Money Gross Ironic Argument Awkward Friends Cute Haircut Lonely Holidays Relatable Capitalism Work Bosses Cars You're fired Covid Health Cheating Jealousy Parenting Kids

The Top

Today, my college class has a strict rule that ANY absence, even if it's because you're sick and have a doctor's note, will drop your grade a letter grade. I have a chronic illness. Today is the second time in the first two weeks that I've had to show up to class with a bucket. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 567

You deserved it 205

Today, my best friend called me to cancel our mall plans. I could hear that she was watching a movie in the background. I then called my boyfriend to see if he was busy, and I could hear the same movie in the background. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 313

You deserved it 157

The Top

Today, my boss called me out for a drug test. His reason was because my eyes are puffy and bloodshot, making me look high. I've been suffering from allergies all week, but still had to pee in a cup in front of a complete stranger. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 908

You deserved it 2 132

Today, for the third time this week, my boss made me switch desks. Each new desk is closer to the door than the last one. I think he's trying to tell me something. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 853

You deserved it 2 765

Today, I found out my son has a new hobby after seeing a picture on the internet: putting realistic-looking stickers of spiders at the bottom of my coffee mugs. My wife was scared half to death this morning after downing a cup of coffee and then glancing the cup's bottom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 363

You deserved it 4 816

Today, my 3 year old nephew was sitting on my knee at the computer. He was annoying me as he kept on pressing all the buttons. To scare him off I did a creepy voice in his ear that makes him cry. He turned round and broke my nose. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 337

You deserved it 83 894

Today, I accidentally cut myself with a razor blade on my toe. Not only does it sting really badly, but it reinforces the fact that I have abnormally hairy toes that need to be shaved. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 001

You deserved it 5 185

Today, I asked my friend, once again, to pay me back the $500 she owes me. She got annoyed and told me, “I told you, my Cash App locked me out of my account!” When I mentioned Venmo, she said she'd forgotten her password to it, called me a "selfish c*nt", and hung up on me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 361

You deserved it 214