Love, Poopoo peepee and Cute: Good news!

Good news!

By CaseyFpC85 - 11/09/2011 15:13 - United States

Today, the girl I've been dating, and starting to fall in love with, walked out of the bathroom claiming we were going to be parents. I jumped off of the couch in disbelief, yelling, "Really?" She replied, "Really. I just gave birth to a huge dump baby." FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 461

You deserved it 7 992

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Same thing different taste

By poopydaddy - 03/05/2013 11:32 - Canada - Oakville

Today, I found out that every time my girlfriend takes a big dump, she pretends as if she's giving birth and screams uncontrollably. I just moved in with her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 875

You deserved it 5 659

By Anonymous - 15/09/2014 18:48 - United Kingdom - Liverpool

Today, I took a shit of biblical proportions. I flushed and opened a window, but my pregnant wife went in straight after me. Her morning sickness kicked in and she quickly ran out, vomit dripping from her mouth. She's pissed and thinks I planned the whole thing as a prank. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 184

You deserved it 4 389

The bed is lava

By for better or for farts - 06/08/2020 23:01

Today, my very pregnant wife woke up in bed, grabbing her stomach and writhing in pain. Worried that the baby might be in distress, I asked her what was wrong. She gasped then let out what can only be described as a river of hot liquid shit all over herself and my legs. We both cried. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 409

You deserved it 207

Double whammy

By Anonymous - 28/02/2023 16:00 - Argentina

Today, my wife told me she wanted a divorce and walked out. This is two days after she informed me that she is unexpectedly pregnant. FML

I agree, your life sucks 926

You deserved it 85

Rollercoaster

By Anonymous - 05/03/2010 12:54 - United States

Today, my girlfriend blew up at me for a comment I had made several weeks ago about not wanting kids. Then, she told me that she's pregnant. After consoling her and telling her that whatever we do, we'll do it together, she further explained that she's not sure if it's mine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 717

You deserved it 3 659

By Anonymous - 01/11/2010 17:30 - United States

Today, I drove to the hospital to see my newborn. I went to the room, picked him out of the crate and held him. Then I heard the toilet flush and saw a woman who I didn't know come out. She screamed. My wife was in the room next door. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 496

You deserved it 10 377

By actually just constipated.. and stupid - 04/03/2015 15:03 - Tunisia

Today, I went to the doctor, because I've been having stomach pains and nausea for weeks. He ended up gravely telling me I'm pregnant. I freaked out and panicked about what my parents would say. Then his laughter reminded me that I'm a guy. A really stupid one. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 368

You deserved it 37 991

By Annakins - 06/06/2010 18:31 - United States

Today, I am 9 months pregnant. I had a dream where I successfully pushed and gave birth to my son. Meanwhile, in the real world, I successfully pushed and gave birth to a large dump. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 247

You deserved it 7 089

By ugh - 03/09/2013 23:53 - United States - Lancaster

Today, I ended up taking a massive dump after being constipated for a while. I thought I was alone, so I pretended I was giving birth to my turd, and let out all kinds of sound effects. Next thing I know, I hear a knock at the door and my mom asking, "Should I call 911?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 765

You deserved it 40 919

By Anonymous - 04/12/2013 22:08 - United States - Marsing

Today, I told my boyfriend that I've missed my period, and that I think I might be pregnant. He started panicking and ended up puking in the toilet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 471

You deserved it 12 274

Britttx26 0

Sunday 11 September 2011 19:00

You got yourself a winnnner!:)

hombrepollo 0

Sunday 11 September 2011 19:06

I don't wanna break it to u, but ur not the father...... It's chipotle

Comments

okiidokii_fml 6

Monday 12 September 2011 1:04

Haha. A dump baby? Or a dump, baby? Did she say she had a dump baby or she took a dump and called you a baby? Huh!

Goldenjet87 3

Monday 12 September 2011 1:06

boy or girl? did it have your nose or eyes?

bizarre_ftw 21

Monday 12 September 2011 1:35

It has his sense of style....

yummcookie 0

Monday 12 September 2011 1:10

She's a keeper!

jobsman99 0

Monday 12 September 2011 1:26

And you want to spend the rest of your life with this woman? Wow

bizarre_ftw 21

Monday 12 September 2011 1:28

Congratulations Daddy!!!!!!

mega00ant 0

Monday 12 September 2011 1:33

Great way to kill the mood...

bizarre_ftw 21

Monday 12 September 2011 1:34

First born & still #2 that must be Some shitty kid!!!

Superllama12 11

Monday 12 September 2011 1:41

She's a keeper!

sexxme 9

Monday 12 September 2011 2:10

At least she's comfortable enough with you to be herself. Unlike girls who claim they don't take ***** or fart. We can't all be perfect. If you really like her, you're gonna have to get used to her kind of humor. That's what love is all about my friend.