Sex, Painful and Intimacy: Great idea - FML

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Great idea

By anonymous - 22/03/2012 04:46 - United States - Chelsea

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend went down on me with whiskey in his mouth. It felt like my genitals were on fire. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 911

You deserved it 6 945

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Same thing different taste

Bernie

By Anonymous - 27/11/2017 06:00

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend went down on me for the first time. It would have been great, if a mate of his didn't tell him to put Listerine strips in his mouth first "for the tingle." I've been running cold water over my burning genitals for 15 minutes while he laughs at the door. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 031

You deserved it 630

Hot hot hot

By Anonymous - 03/06/2022 12:00

Spicy

Today, I'm in hospital. During date night, after sex was over, I reached for my whiskey. I was already so drunk, I accidentally picked up the lit candle which was in a glass roughly the same size as my whiskey glass, and poured melted wax in my mouth, up my nose, and in my eyes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 560

You deserved it 2 285

Fond memories

By -_- - 13/08/2011 00:05 - United States

Spicy

Today, I was getting intimate with my boyfriend for the first time. I went down on him, only for him to burst into tears halfway through. Apparently, I do it just like his long-lost teen sweetheart did. I swear I could feel him go completely limp in my mouth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 876

You deserved it 4 645

No nut will do that

By Anonymous - 02/05/2023 00:00

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend wanted a blowjob, shortly after we've started dating. He said to be careful because he blows a massive load. Thinking he's full of crap, I rolled my eyes and got to work. Had him going and then a massive load shot down my throat and a bunch of fire hoses sprayed out my nose. It burned so bad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 465

You deserved it 1 543

Superfuzz Big Muff

By miiiiilk - 05/12/2010 11:12 - United States

Spicy

Today, as my boyfriend was about to go down on me, he held his breath and said, "I'm going in!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 666

You deserved it 9 538

Like in the movies

By alltern8ive - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, my boyfriend tried to be romantic by dipping me backwards and kissing me. He dropped me on my butt, then stepped on my hand while trying to help me up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 629

You deserved it 5 162

By Anonymous - 29/06/2010 17:34 - Canada

Spicy

Today, after going down on my boyfriend, we were cuddling and I went to kiss him. Just before I could reach his lips, he ran his finger over my mouth and whispered, "S-s-s-semen." FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 747

You deserved it 25 786

By Anonymous - 18/10/2010 04:10 - Canada

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur.' FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 237

You deserved it 39 347

Nomnom

By wow babe - 19/11/2012 17:46 - United States - Arnold

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend went down on me for the first time. He definitely killed the mood when, while down there, he started saying, "Nomnomnomnom." FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 103

You deserved it 5 627

By Anonymous - 24/10/2017 06:00

Spicy

Today, I had a few drinks with a female friend after having a bad week. I got so wasted that I wound up ending the night by giving my boyfriend a rimjob. He thoroughly enjoyed it and thinks it's going to be a regular thing now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 593

You deserved it 7 181

Next

Top comments

hatesfate 6

Thursday 22 March 2012 11:53

That's hot

harrypotter955 19

Thursday 22 March 2012 11:58

Only in Michigan can this happen.

Comments

eminemsraps 0

Friday 23 March 2012 4:53

Next time give him head with whiskey in your mouth

silverdarklion 6

Friday 23 March 2012 5:01

Redneck sex?

Schmoozee98 0

Friday 23 March 2012 7:17

so this is russian ****?

kiakia0131 23

Friday 23 March 2012 8:08

Just reading this FML made me wince.

marisadc79 0

Friday 23 March 2012 9:08

Ouch he'd be paying for that one, what a jerk. Maybe a little icy hot on his balls would make him reconsider a bonehead move like that. Revenge is a real bitch.

preprepre 0

Friday 23 March 2012 9:09

Not sure if "sucks" here means what i think you know what i mean

onorexveritas 23

Friday 23 March 2012 9:37

lmfao!

letsgooo_fml 23

Friday 23 March 2012 9:46

Interesting.

EpicFML13 3

Friday 23 March 2012 10:55

Hmm whiskey and genitals...was it a good burn or a stinging bad burn? Just asking!

dartzli 3

Friday 23 March 2012 11:46

I was not aware females had genitals... >.>

kitten_mittens5 8

Friday 23 March 2012 19:03

Are you serious?..

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Today, my football coach thought it would be a good idea to get drunk, run to the other sideline, and scream, "WELCOME TO SPARTA, BITCH!" This would've been funny if he weren't also my dad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 030

You deserved it 4 334

Today, my wife's pregnancy hormones made her extremely horny. The doctor said that intercourse during pregnancy was very healthy, so we decided to do it. Let's just say that the bumpy ride didn't help her morning sickness. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 384

You deserved it 2 152

The Top

Today, my man and I were having sex on edge of bed. We were using chocolate spread and I was riding him. When we were done, he got up and I noticed a long brown line on the edge of the bed. I knelt down to smell it. It was NOT chocolate. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 921

You deserved it 8 253

Today, I was warning a girl in my art class to be careful with a Stanley knife, as she had managed to cut her finger quite badly. Just as I said it, I sliced my finger open with a Stanley knife. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 244

You deserved it 11 054

Today, I was at a concert and an older man offered to let me stand in front of him because I'm short. It wasn't until the show started and people were jumping around did I realize he had a boner and was repeatedly bumping into me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 166

You deserved it 3 032

Today, while installing a deadbolt on my closet, I did it wrong. It closed but wouldn't lock so I had to re-install it. Sitting on the floor of my closet, I shut it to make sure it was installed correctly. I locked myself in for twenty minutes, home alone, before kicking the door down. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 868

You deserved it 50 529

Today, I got home to my son holding his brother down with one foot on his chest and both hands on a pair of pliers, trying to pull out his infected tooth, looking like some sort of redneck, hillbilly comedy sketch. I half expected to hear sound effects in the background. FML

I agree, your life sucks 923

You deserved it 213

Today, I had a dream where I was imagining myself hooking up with a really hot girl. Not a sex dream. A dream where I was sitting in a room alone and imagining myself hooking up with this really hot girl. Even in my dreams I can only imagine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 238

You deserved it 277