Sex, Painful and Intimacy: Great idea - FML

FML for mobile
Free

Open in app

Great idea

By anonymous - 22/03/2012 04:46 - United States - Chelsea

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend went down on me with whiskey in his mouth. It felt like my genitals were on fire. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 911

You deserved it 6 945

Summer: Sun, Sea and Blunders
Summer anecdotes where the sun shines... and blunders are never far away! More…

Previous FML Next FML

Same thing different taste

Bernie

By Anonymous - 27/11/2017 06:00

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend went down on me for the first time. It would have been great, if a mate of his didn't tell him to put Listerine strips in his mouth first "for the tingle." I've been running cold water over my burning genitals for 15 minutes while he laughs at the door. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 031

You deserved it 629

Hot hot hot

By Anonymous - 03/06/2022 12:00

Spicy

Today, I'm in hospital. During date night, after sex was over, I reached for my whiskey. I was already so drunk, I accidentally picked up the lit candle which was in a glass roughly the same size as my whiskey glass, and poured melted wax in my mouth, up my nose, and in my eyes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 560

You deserved it 2 283

Fond memories

By -_- - 13/08/2011 00:05 - United States

Spicy

Today, I was getting intimate with my boyfriend for the first time. I went down on him, only for him to burst into tears halfway through. Apparently, I do it just like his long-lost teen sweetheart did. I swear I could feel him go completely limp in my mouth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 875

You deserved it 4 645

No nut will do that

By Anonymous - 02/05/2023 00:00

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend wanted a blowjob, shortly after we've started dating. He said to be careful because he blows a massive load. Thinking he's full of crap, I rolled my eyes and got to work. Had him going and then a massive load shot down my throat and a bunch of fire hoses sprayed out my nose. It burned so bad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 465

You deserved it 1 542

Superfuzz Big Muff

By miiiiilk - 05/12/2010 11:12 - United States

Spicy

Today, as my boyfriend was about to go down on me, he held his breath and said, "I'm going in!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 666

You deserved it 9 538

Like in the movies

By alltern8ive - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, my boyfriend tried to be romantic by dipping me backwards and kissing me. He dropped me on my butt, then stepped on my hand while trying to help me up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 567

You deserved it 5 146

By Anonymous - 29/06/2010 17:34 - Canada

Spicy

Today, after going down on my boyfriend, we were cuddling and I went to kiss him. Just before I could reach his lips, he ran his finger over my mouth and whispered, "S-s-s-semen." FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 747

You deserved it 25 786

By Anonymous - 18/10/2010 04:10 - Canada

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur.' FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 236

You deserved it 39 347

Nomnom

By wow babe - 19/11/2012 17:46 - United States - Arnold

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend went down on me for the first time. He definitely killed the mood when, while down there, he started saying, "Nomnomnomnom." FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 103

You deserved it 5 627

By Anonymous - 24/10/2017 06:00

Spicy

Today, I had a few drinks with a female friend after having a bad week. I got so wasted that I wound up ending the night by giving my boyfriend a rimjob. He thoroughly enjoyed it and thinks it's going to be a regular thing now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 593

You deserved it 7 181

Next

Top comments

hatesfate 6

Thursday 22 March 2012 11:53

That's hot

harrypotter955 19

Thursday 22 March 2012 11:58

Only in Michigan can this happen.

Comments

loserman67 35

Thursday 22 March 2012 18:18

I've heard of "whiskey dick" but never "whiskey c**t" First time for eveything! In the old west, they would use whiskey to disinfect an open wound.... maybe he thought? Nah........

RedPillSucks 31

Thursday 22 March 2012 18:19

Genital and tonic, anyone?

Spectre529 12

Thursday 22 March 2012 18:33

Ouch!!!! Definitely sucks OP. Had an BF that had a salty drink before... That burned like hell

ballbearing 10

Thursday 22 March 2012 18:39

Reminds me of the time I went down on my boyfriend with a listerine power strip in my mouth. He cried like a little girl

afuckedlife 4

Thursday 22 March 2012 19:00

Female equivalent of Whiskey Dick?

killajayson 0

Thursday 22 March 2012 19:15

FIRE CROTCH!!

MigraineurOfLife 15

Thursday 22 March 2012 19:19

You've now earned the title of 'fire crotch' without being a redhead.

The_Great_Zucchi 15

Thursday 22 March 2012 19:43

Try champagne next time, that's a lot better!

bkisbest96 1

Thursday 22 March 2012 19:47

Next time don't try any alcohol it causes a yeast infection and also you might want to go to the doctor and get that checked out..

bchatzis 9

Thursday 22 March 2012 20:14

just do it back to him, or do it with mouthwash. Itl give him the same excruciating experience

1
2
3
4
5
6
7
8

FML on Facebook

Keywords

Miscellaneous Awkward My ex Music Love AITA Cheating Furniture Kids Introverts Cute Pregnancy Health Healthy Lifestyle Weird Food Sextoys Intimacy Delivery Social Media Animals Cats Relatable Stuck Annoying Work Dogs Gross Embarrassing Toilet

The Top

Today, I found out my boyfriend of two years is cheating on me. A friend had brought this to my attention. She was under the impression that we broke up because she’d seen stories of him and another woman. I found out he changed his story settings to hide the specific posts with that other woman from me only. FML

I agree, your life sucks 510

You deserved it 64

Today, my husband bought me some new perfume. It wasn’t really my style but he insisted I try it. Afterward we had some of the best, most vigorous sex of our entire relationship. Later, while visiting his parents, I found the same perfume in his mom’s bathroom. It’s her 'special occasion' scent. FML

I agree, your life sucks 528

You deserved it 101

The Top

Today, it's my birthday. I called my mom to thank her for the gift she'd sent. She was surprised and said, "Oh I thought you were waiting to open it." She ended the conversation with, "OK, I'll call you on your birthday." FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 175

You deserved it 1 372

Today, after running a couple of miles, I went upstairs into my air-conditioned room to cool off. Apparently, my mom walked past my room and heard me breathing heavily. Later, she had my dad give me a talk about masturbation. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 273

You deserved it 3 506

Today, I was complaining to my husband about a busty but vapid celebrity, and he replied, "She doesn't need brains, honey, she has boobs. You wouldn't understand." FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 470

You deserved it 6 549

Today, I saw an elderly woman in need of help of crossing a street. I helped her across. On the way she just about fell and held onto me to keep from hitting the ground. After she left on her bus I reached for my wallet. It was gone. I had just been robbed by a 70 year old. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 756

You deserved it 4 100

Today, I was taking the AP Biology exam. It’s strictly timed, yet my proctor spent 30 minutes (a third of the time we have) talking about his sexual relationship with his wife, who was also proctoring. I don’t know how I did on the test, but I now know my proctor had erectile dysfunction. FML

I agree, your life sucks 65 258

You deserved it 3 541

Today, my family is still telling me to "get over" the death of my great aunt. The great aunt who always gave the most wonderful birthday gifts, and was overall one of the most pleasant people I've ever met, and I'm NOT allowed to be sad that she's gone. Did I mention she died on my birthday? FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 408

You deserved it 134