Sex, Painful and Intimacy: Great idea - FML

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Great idea

By anonymous - 22/03/2012 04:46 - United States - Chelsea

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend went down on me with whiskey in his mouth. It felt like my genitals were on fire. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 907

You deserved it 6 943

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Same thing different taste

Bernie

By Anonymous - 27/11/2017 06:00

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend went down on me for the first time. It would have been great, if a mate of his didn't tell him to put Listerine strips in his mouth first "for the tingle." I've been running cold water over my burning genitals for 15 minutes while he laughs at the door. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 021

You deserved it 628

Hot hot hot

By Anonymous - 03/06/2022 12:00

Spicy

Today, I'm in hospital. During date night, after sex was over, I reached for my whiskey. I was already so drunk, I accidentally picked up the lit candle which was in a glass roughly the same size as my whiskey glass, and poured melted wax in my mouth, up my nose, and in my eyes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 557

You deserved it 2 270

Fond memories

By -_- - 13/08/2011 00:05 - United States

Spicy

Today, I was getting intimate with my boyfriend for the first time. I went down on him, only for him to burst into tears halfway through. Apparently, I do it just like his long-lost teen sweetheart did. I swear I could feel him go completely limp in my mouth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 856

You deserved it 4 642

No nut will do that

By Anonymous - 02/05/2023 00:00

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend wanted a blowjob, shortly after we've started dating. He said to be careful because he blows a massive load. Thinking he's full of crap, I rolled my eyes and got to work. Had him going and then a massive load shot down my throat and a bunch of fire hoses sprayed out my nose. It burned so bad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 462

You deserved it 1 521

Superfuzz Big Muff

By miiiiilk - 05/12/2010 11:12 - United States

Spicy

Today, as my boyfriend was about to go down on me, he held his breath and said, "I'm going in!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 661

You deserved it 9 537

By alltern8ive - 09/11/2009 05:05 - United States

Today, my boyfriend tried to be romantic by dipping me backwards and kissing me. He dropped me on my butt and stepped on my hand while trying to help me up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 320

You deserved it 5 112

By Anonymous - 29/06/2010 17:34 - Canada

Spicy

Today, after going down on my boyfriend, we were cuddling and I went to kiss him. Just before I could reach his lips, he ran his finger over my mouth and whispered, "S-s-s-semen." FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 739

You deserved it 25 784

By Anonymous - 18/10/2010 04:10 - Canada

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur.' FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 233

You deserved it 39 344

Nomnom

By wow babe - 19/11/2012 17:46 - United States - Arnold

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend went down on me for the first time. He definitely killed the mood when, while down there, he started saying, "Nomnomnomnom." FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 099

You deserved it 5 626

By Anonymous - 24/10/2017 06:00

Spicy

Today, I had a few drinks with a female friend after having a bad week. I got so wasted that I wound up ending the night by giving my boyfriend a rimjob. He thoroughly enjoyed it and thinks it's going to be a regular thing now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 585

You deserved it 7 176

Next

Top comments

hatesfate 6

Thursday 22 March 2012 11:53

That's hot

harrypotter955 19

Thursday 22 March 2012 11:58

Only in Michigan can this happen.

Comments

friedbunnies 9

Thursday 22 March 2012 20:52

SOMEONE DO THAT TO ME RIGHT THIS MINUTE!!!!!! That sounds amazing...

zebralover23 14

Thursday 22 March 2012 21:07

Ouch

j_cat187 19

Thursday 22 March 2012 21:10

Milk works the best

Fluhz 6

Thursday 22 March 2012 22:50

I am so confused.

TheDrudgeChild 4

Friday 23 March 2012 0:07

Man had whiskey in mouth, performed oral sex on his girlfriend, alcohol burned her ******. Really, was it that hard?

kitten_mittens5 8

Friday 23 March 2012 0:07

I've heard of whiskey dick but never whiskey ******. Btw, are you retarded or did you just have a momentary lapse of common sense?

kitten_mittens5 8

Friday 23 March 2012 0:09

damnit #58 you beat me to it! Too bad I already posted it :/

linkinpark98 23

Friday 23 March 2012 0:15

Oh geez...

jbloogle 10

Friday 23 March 2012 0:32

Everyone on here has been using the phrase "going down" it's getting old.

ArcticPuppet 0

Friday 23 March 2012 1:19

I remember this guy on the show Misfits said that if you pop some cough drops in your mouth before eating a girl out she feels like her ****** is on fire.

lobum 12

Friday 23 March 2012 3:01

Have him eat a mint or chew peppermint gum before he goes down on you next time... It's ******* great.

juicypu55y 0

Friday 23 March 2012 10:02

Ew ur 15 dude

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The Top

Today, my husband has increasingly been asking for doggy style, which is not as romantic as missionary, so I asked him why the change. Apparently some of my pregnancy stretch marks make a goofy face and he can’t concentrate from trying to stop giggling, so his solution, flip me over and go at it from behind. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 245

You deserved it 456

Today, my boyfriend and I were getting intimate. He picked me up and threw me over his shoulder to take me to his room. He wasn't careful enough, and dropped me right on my head, on the hardwood floor. I ended up vomiting and came down with a headache. He still wanted to have sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 199

You deserved it 4 031

The Top

Today, I hate having bugs in the house so I covered all doors and windows in fly screen. This prevents 80% of the bugs from finding their way inside, and 100% of those from finding their way back out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 595

You deserved it 215

Today, it’s my birthday. My family has spared no expense; cake, balloons, decorations, new outfits... nothing is too much. Oh, it’s not for me. They’re celebrating the Royal Wedding. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 028

You deserved it 236

Today, my boyfriend and I cleaned his parents' whole house while they were out, just to be nice. When they came home, they assumed we only did it because we'd made some huge mess that we needed to hide. I'm now banned from their house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 478

You deserved it 2 579

Today, my husband told me he'd met a life guru online who, after paying the £29.99 consultancy fee, advised him to seize happiness at all times. So he decided to seize the 19 year-old redhead across the street, move in with her and get her pregnant. This is the happiest I’ve seen him in years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 295

You deserved it 307

Today, I swerved to avoid running over a dead cat in the road. Instead, I ran over its head. The crack of its skull was loud enough for me to hear it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 367

You deserved it 8 482

Today, I sent a text to my boyfriend saying, "Come over and do me." He never responded. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 542

You deserved it 12 160