Sex, Weird and Intimacy: Groucho

Groucho

By beardedlady - 02/07/2011 06:44 - United States

Today, my boyfriend tried to make me wear a fake mustache during sex. He said it "turns him on." FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 123

You deserved it 5 251

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Same thing different taste

By Prinpette - 20/09/2011 21:20 - France

Today, to show that he really wanted me to shave myself, my boyfriend pretended to go down on me, but instead of following through, he stuck a wad of gum in my pubic hair and got back up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 355

You deserved it 40 479

By mustachio101 - 17/07/2012 23:30 - United States - Montgomery

Today, my boyfriend thought it appropriate to let me know that doing the "duck face" in my Facebook pictures "highlights my mustache." FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 639

You deserved it 57 621

Ticklish

By Username - 28/07/2010 11:20 - France

Today, I was rubbing my lips against my boyfriend's lips when I said, "Your mustache tickles" in a sexy tone. His response was, "So does yours." FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 478

You deserved it 32 642

Woof woof

By kjdhfakjs - 20/05/2010 18:32 - United States

Today, while having sex with my boyfriend, he started pretending he was a dog. This included barking, licking my face, and scratching his ears. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 445

You deserved it 6 707

By unbelievable - 02/02/2009 11:04 - United States

Today, my boyfriend told me he'd help me shave my mustache. I'm a girl. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 909

You deserved it 6 699

By dahs - 03/04/2011 11:27 - United Kingdom

Today, my boyfriend pulled on my pubes and made 'engine starting' noises. This was his attempt at foreplay. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 608

You deserved it 15 235

By Username - 21/04/2011 13:55

Today, I asked my boyfriend if he was growing a mustache, as he had whiskers. He looked at me and said "No, but apparently you are." FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 511

You deserved it 10 185

Bad actor

By Anonymous - 20/04/2021 23:00

Today, I tried faking an orgasm for the first time, because I thought it would be sexy for my boyfriend. He stopped to ask me if I was okay. I guess I'm not good at faking it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 352

You deserved it 1 398

By Picaresque - 26/02/2009 17:57 - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I decided to try anal sex. When he was done, I turned around to see him holding a strap-on with a smile on his face and said 'Now, do me'. FML

I agree, your life sucks 285 950

You deserved it 68 199

Yummy

By lovely - 26/02/2014 18:53 - United States - San Francisco

Today, my boyfriend thought it'd be cute to put his penis through a doughnut and try to make me eat it off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 129

You deserved it 10 621

TylerX 0

Saturday 2 July 2011 19:26

Did I just get an erection?

iAmScrubs 19

Saturday 2 July 2011 19:26

He enjoys the feeling of that peach fuzz caressing his epidermis.

Comments

ashleii2010 0

Sunday 3 July 2011 3:40

hhhahahhha that's great ^_^

gogreen8856 0

Sunday 3 July 2011 3:45

um yea, he might be gay!

gondor17 0

Sunday 3 July 2011 4:07

GAY

ledara111 0

Sunday 3 July 2011 4:24

well your from arakansas...

nahgemsoohc 0

Sunday 3 July 2011 4:28

shit... you're in trouble...

TheJashinist 8

Sunday 3 July 2011 4:38

Could be worse, maybe it isn't a facial moustache?

KittyOnHigh 0

Sunday 3 July 2011 5:08

Right when he's about to finish just say 'IT'S A ME A MARIOO'

5Letters_YMCMB 0

Sunday 3 July 2011 5:13

I guess your boyfriend wants a boyfriend.

alexandrab 0

Sunday 3 July 2011 5:15

get a hint!!!!!

theworldandme_fml 0

Sunday 3 July 2011 5:16

yeah I think you need to have a serious talk to him because during sex he is totally picturing someone else and not you. how sad.

Keywords

Intimacy Sex Love Health Cute Kids Parents Relatable Hair Healthy Lifestyle Embarrassing Scams Annoying Money Work Awkward Skincare Insects Cats Animals Neighbours Dating First Dates Students Alcohol Fight Miscellaneous Shopping AITA Parenting

The Top

Today, I tried to explain to my daughter why she couldn’t have a sleepover with her boyfriend yet. She said, "If you're so worried about me having sex, then you failed as a father because I've already banged four guys." FML

I agree, your life sucks 64 358

You deserved it 12 241

Today, after the seventh morning in a row where my son threw a fit because he wanted to wear summer clothes, I put him in shorts and a tank top and put him outside. He got the message and changed into long sleeves and pants. Ten minutes later, cops pull up. My nosy neighbor called CPS. FML

I agree, your life sucks 575

You deserved it 92

The Top

Today, I was yet again rejected by the man of my dreams. He’d rather date these girls with no college degree, no career, can’t cook/clean, etc., just because they have a pretty face and a nice body, instead of me who has a respectable future, career, and education. What is wrong with society nowadays? FML

I agree, your life sucks 222

You deserved it 1 031

Today, I was trying to use the video editing software on my computer for a group project. It then wanted me to purchase another program that cost over $130. One of my teammates told me to buy it, because, "I could afford to skip a few lunches." FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 568

You deserved it 945

Today, while picking my daughter up from school, I saw her being beaten by two boys while the teacher stood there doing nothing. I ran to help, but then she pushed one of the boys off her. The teacher then pulled her away, yelled at her and then yelled at me for "not raising my kid right." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 815

You deserved it 135

Today, I'm in pretty good physical shape. No, wait, that was two years ago. Now I need to take a break after brushing each quadrant of my teeth because my arm gets tired. FML

I agree, your life sucks 490

You deserved it 671

Today, I had to have a serious talk with my 30-year-old husband about why Sesame Street isn't a "soap opera." FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 348

You deserved it 5 140

Today, despite begging my parents to get food other than diet and weight loss stuff, they refused. I'm bullied for being skinny on a daily basis. FML

I agree, your life sucks 961

You deserved it 237