Sex, Weird and Intimacy: Groucho

Groucho

By beardedlady - 02/07/2011 06:44 - United States

Today, my boyfriend tried to make me wear a fake mustache during sex. He said it "turns him on." FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 123

You deserved it 5 251

The rhythm of the fight
Discover all the best anecdotes from the month of January, with or without snow, with or without you. More…

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Same thing different taste

By Prinpette - 20/09/2011 21:20 - France

Today, to show that he really wanted me to shave myself, my boyfriend pretended to go down on me, but instead of following through, he stuck a wad of gum in my pubic hair and got back up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 355

You deserved it 40 479

By mustachio101 - 17/07/2012 23:30 - United States - Montgomery

Today, my boyfriend thought it appropriate to let me know that doing the "duck face" in my Facebook pictures "highlights my mustache." FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 639

You deserved it 57 621

Ticklish

By Username - 28/07/2010 11:20 - France

Today, I was rubbing my lips against my boyfriend's lips when I said, "Your mustache tickles" in a sexy tone. His response was, "So does yours." FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 478

You deserved it 32 642

Woof woof

By kjdhfakjs - 20/05/2010 18:32 - United States

Today, while having sex with my boyfriend, he started pretending he was a dog. This included barking, licking my face, and scratching his ears. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 445

You deserved it 6 707

By unbelievable - 02/02/2009 11:04 - United States

Today, my boyfriend told me he'd help me shave my mustache. I'm a girl. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 909

You deserved it 6 699

By dahs - 03/04/2011 11:27 - United Kingdom

Today, my boyfriend pulled on my pubes and made 'engine starting' noises. This was his attempt at foreplay. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 608

You deserved it 15 235

By Username - 21/04/2011 13:55

Today, I asked my boyfriend if he was growing a mustache, as he had whiskers. He looked at me and said "No, but apparently you are." FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 511

You deserved it 10 185

Bad actor

By Anonymous - 20/04/2021 23:00

Today, I tried faking an orgasm for the first time, because I thought it would be sexy for my boyfriend. He stopped to ask me if I was okay. I guess I'm not good at faking it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 352

You deserved it 1 398

By Picaresque - 26/02/2009 17:57 - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I decided to try anal sex. When he was done, I turned around to see him holding a strap-on with a smile on his face and said 'Now, do me'. FML

I agree, your life sucks 285 950

You deserved it 68 199

Yummy

By lovely - 26/02/2014 18:53 - United States - San Francisco

Today, my boyfriend thought it'd be cute to put his penis through a doughnut and try to make me eat it off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 129

You deserved it 10 621

TylerX 0

Saturday 2 July 2011 19:26

Did I just get an erection?

iAmScrubs 19

Saturday 2 July 2011 19:26

He enjoys the feeling of that peach fuzz caressing his epidermis.

Comments

isac1234 0

Sunday 3 July 2011 7:52

is he GAY ?

ih82bl8 2

Sunday 3 July 2011 8:17

into hitler?

emodude44 0

Sunday 3 July 2011 8:37

Kinky

Santamonica17289 5

Sunday 3 July 2011 9:11

Good Lord..he must be in narnia he's so far back in the closet ..

iloveparc 0

Sunday 3 July 2011 9:35

so who gave who a mustache ride?

Caz_the_Spaz 6

Sunday 3 July 2011 10:25

talk about a hairy situation!

kittennn 0

Sunday 3 July 2011 12:14

Time to get a new boyfriend.

soulfulemo 0

Sunday 3 July 2011 12:36

guns don't kill; people with mustaches do. that being said, maybe he likes it "Hitler Style"

SleepOnStones 5

Wednesday 13 July 2011 4:24

Lol! Did you get that saying from Destery?

boyd30 2

Sunday 3 July 2011 12:54

hilarious !

epiclife101 0

Sunday 3 July 2011 13:26

not to effend u but is your boyfriend gay or a woman ??

Keywords

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The Top

Today, a guy drove straight into an intersection, running a stop sign and narrowly missing my car. I had to swerve into a snow bank to avoid him. He stopped long enough to see that I had a toddler in my car, before flipping me off and driving away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 330

You deserved it 3 665

Today, my father bet me $200 that since my boyfriend is "such a stupid shit," he wouldn't be able to locate Paraguay on a map. I gladly accepted the bet. Not only did he not know where it is, he actually accused us of making the country up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 905

You deserved it 13 915

The Top

Today, my husband picked a fight with me because I have more pictures of our child on my desk at work than I do of him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 883

You deserved it 1 460

Today, I called the crisis helpline, and because my connection was cutting in and out for a moment, they hung up on me. When I called back, it was shift change, so they hung up again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 842

You deserved it 142

Today, I met my girlfriend's sister and within a few hours we were in love. Seriously, personality-wise I’ve had more fun today just talking with her sister than I have for over a year dating my girlfriend, including the sex. We don’t want to cheat and hurt her sister. This sucks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 469

You deserved it 1 184

Today, after driving 3 and a half hours to the nearest major emergency room, waiting 7+ hours to see my grandfather's bowel cancer specialist, we were told to go back to our hotel. Why? The triage nurse never logged my grandfather into the system, so his doctor went home at 9.00 p.m. when he'd finished theatre. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 275

You deserved it 80

Today, I was hosting my daughter's thirteenth birthday party. One parent decided to stay at my house, the only parent to do so. The entire night she critiqued every decision I made, from the films to the cake. When it was time to open presents, her kid was the only one without one. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 851

You deserved it 4 356

Today, I gave an online presentation to an important client. After I'd done my thing, I asked if there were any questions. No one responded, so I confidently ended the call… except I hadn’t ended it and they heard me mutter, “Thank fuck that’s over.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 117

You deserved it 547