Sex, Weird and Intimacy: Groucho

Groucho

By beardedlady - 02/07/2011 06:44 - United States

Today, my boyfriend tried to make me wear a fake mustache during sex. He said it "turns him on." FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 123

You deserved it 5 251

The rhythm of the fight
Discover all the best anecdotes from the month of January, with or without snow, with or without you. More…

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Same thing different taste

By Prinpette - 20/09/2011 21:20 - France

Today, to show that he really wanted me to shave myself, my boyfriend pretended to go down on me, but instead of following through, he stuck a wad of gum in my pubic hair and got back up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 355

You deserved it 40 479

By mustachio101 - 17/07/2012 23:30 - United States - Montgomery

Today, my boyfriend thought it appropriate to let me know that doing the "duck face" in my Facebook pictures "highlights my mustache." FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 639

You deserved it 57 621

Ticklish

By Username - 28/07/2010 11:20 - France

Today, I was rubbing my lips against my boyfriend's lips when I said, "Your mustache tickles" in a sexy tone. His response was, "So does yours." FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 478

You deserved it 32 642

Woof woof

By kjdhfakjs - 20/05/2010 18:32 - United States

Today, while having sex with my boyfriend, he started pretending he was a dog. This included barking, licking my face, and scratching his ears. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 445

You deserved it 6 707

By unbelievable - 02/02/2009 11:04 - United States

Today, my boyfriend told me he'd help me shave my mustache. I'm a girl. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 909

You deserved it 6 699

By dahs - 03/04/2011 11:27 - United Kingdom

Today, my boyfriend pulled on my pubes and made 'engine starting' noises. This was his attempt at foreplay. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 608

You deserved it 15 235

By Username - 21/04/2011 13:55

Today, I asked my boyfriend if he was growing a mustache, as he had whiskers. He looked at me and said "No, but apparently you are." FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 511

You deserved it 10 185

Bad actor

By Anonymous - 20/04/2021 23:00

Today, I tried faking an orgasm for the first time, because I thought it would be sexy for my boyfriend. He stopped to ask me if I was okay. I guess I'm not good at faking it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 352

You deserved it 1 398

By Picaresque - 26/02/2009 17:57 - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I decided to try anal sex. When he was done, I turned around to see him holding a strap-on with a smile on his face and said 'Now, do me'. FML

I agree, your life sucks 285 950

You deserved it 68 199

Yummy

By lovely - 26/02/2014 18:53 - United States - San Francisco

Today, my boyfriend thought it'd be cute to put his penis through a doughnut and try to make me eat it off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 129

You deserved it 10 621

TylerX 0

Saturday 2 July 2011 19:26

Did I just get an erection?

iAmScrubs 19

Saturday 2 July 2011 19:26

He enjoys the feeling of that peach fuzz caressing his epidermis.

Comments

thesydneyb228 0

Monday 4 July 2011 5:21

he's so deep in the closet he's finding Christmas presents from 1978 which is coincidentally when the mustache became sexy?

mya1234 4

Monday 4 July 2011 5:55

poor you

Enigmax2514 7

Monday 4 July 2011 7:08

oh THR you are mr senior psychopath

kathrynclw 0

Monday 4 July 2011 7:14

I tell my boyfriend the same thing about his sports goggles... not because it turns me on, but because it's hilarious!!

totalldave 0

Monday 4 July 2011 7:58

Get a clue. He's gay.

MizuWolf 3

Monday 4 July 2011 9:57

Make him wear a long blonde wig and a crown!! You two could be princess peach and mario!!!

Niikke 2

Monday 4 July 2011 19:23

This is Hilarious!!!!!! I've been laughing my ass out for 20 minutes!!

Wtf91101 3

Monday 4 July 2011 17:36

Watch out! He's actually warming you up for a "dirty Sanchez" mustache!

Nkoola 1

Monday 4 July 2011 20:56

he's gay

tzuriel11 9

Tuesday 5 July 2011 2:27

i think he might be gay. or confused

KiraShake 0

Tuesday 5 July 2011 3:30

So? My boyfriend is turned on by giving me wedgies.

Keywords

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The Top

Today, I caught a man screwing my girlfriend in my house so I lost my temper and hit him right in the jaw. He wasn’t hurt, not even a bruise. I meanwhile have a broken finger and a sprained wrist because, as he put it, “You really don’t know how to throw a punch, like… at all.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 482

You deserved it 226

Today, I had a blind date that my friend set me up for. My date was the ugliest, most disgusting person you will ever meet, but I thought that I would give him a chance. He saw me, eyed me up and down, then said to my friend, "You're kidding, right?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 487

You deserved it 9 910

The Top

Today, I decided to work out. Being too embarrassed to run in public, I instead ran in circles in my basement. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 724

You deserved it 15 185

Today, I experienced gay panic. I've felt like this before, but all the other people of the same gender I've liked I had no chance with. This time, I might have a chance with this person, if I don't screw it up like how I did last time. Please please please don't be straight or already taken. FML

I agree, your life sucks 477

You deserved it 477

Today, I found out my boyfriend stacks things on me while I sleep. Apparently his record is 4 pillows, a textbook, and the cat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 97 918

You deserved it 22 983

Today, I was called to solve a problem question at the start of a lecture. I stupidly went up to the board before telling the lecturer in front of 300+ students that I had no Idea what he had been doing the whole week. The lecturer made a sneery comment about why some of us are blockheads. FML

I agree, your life sucks 109

You deserved it 491

Today, I heard what sounded like an explosion from the basement of my house. Turns out my foundation cracked. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 012

You deserved it 57

Today, I woke up with a headache. My girlfriend said it might be from the night before, explaining she punched me while I was sleeping because I was snoring in her ear, and she dreamed a bee was attacking her. I'm not sure if I'm more concerned that she punched me, or that it didn't wake me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 747

You deserved it 3 049