Love, Animals, Awkward, Dating and Drugs: High times

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High times

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I went on a date to the zoo. I soon found out that my date had eaten several hash brownies before entering. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 452

You deserved it 4 287

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Green anecdotes of jealousy, full of shamrocks and pints, for a memorable St. Patrick's Day! More…

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Same thing different taste

By Jaime - 31/03/2014 22:05 - United States - New York

Today, I went on a first date with a guy I met online. Not only was he boring, he twice excused himself to go to the bathroom and both times he came back smelling of weed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 397

You deserved it 6 826

By Anonymous - 26/09/2009 14:24 - United States

Today, I went on my first date in nearly a year. A few minutes into the meal, he called me "scrumptious" and made animal noises for the rest of it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 173

You deserved it 3 328

By Anonymous - 01/04/2016 18:30 - Canada - Toronto

Today, my date took me to visit his farm. As we were walking, a wild rabbit darted past me and startled me. I tripped and fell face first into cow dung. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 739

You deserved it 2 737

By Anonymous - 01/01/2016 11:37 - Australia

Today, I went on a date at the park. Have you ever felt dozens of ants swarming up your legs and back? I have now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 093

You deserved it 1 723

By Anonyme - 06/04/2019 02:00

Today, I went on a date for the first time in ages, only to realize that the guy I was seeing chose to take us to a specific restaurant in able to stalk his ex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 334

You deserved it 160

By Anonymous - 16/12/2018 03:00

Today, I went on a date. I went to the bathroom for five minutes and returned to find my date had not only left, but poured ketchup all over our food to ruin it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 608

You deserved it 200

Bat out of hell

By goodeyesight - 11/10/2012 14:02 - Brazil - Sào Paulo

Today, I went on a blind date. Sadly, I wasn't blind enough. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 364

You deserved it 31 751

Pleased to meet y'all

By rokkstarrrVRV - 28/12/2013 08:42 - Canada - Edmonton

Today, I took a girl on a date. Her and her imaginary friends. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 335

You deserved it 5 168

Tonight, on First Dates…

By Anonymous - 19/03/2023 22:00 - Australia

Today, I went on a first date with a guy I really liked. He spent the whole time talking about his pet iguana and how it's the love of his life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 828

You deserved it 174

Cool moves

By Juanna - 13/01/2010 08:07 - United States

Today, I went on a blind date. We were walking in a park when I noticed a funny smell. I looked down and realized I'd stepped in dog crap. I tried to nonchalantly rub it off on the grass, but instead hit a patch of wet grass and slipped onto my butt, right into a pile of goose poop. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 692

You deserved it 4 527

eminemop 0

Monday 16 January 2012 23:47

Nothing like special brownies and a trip to the zoo!

gaffag 2

Monday 16 January 2012 23:48

That's a really good idea. Thank you

Comments

KaelaKhaotic 5

Tuesday 17 January 2012 12:40

SHARE!

BlAzEtHiS 0

Tuesday 17 January 2012 12:41

Why didn't he/she save you any our at least arranged to hook up before going to eat the brownies together.

ShakeMeDown 12

Tuesday 17 January 2012 12:47

That's it! I know where Doug is! Thanks black Doug!

sugarbaby9908 20

Tuesday 17 January 2012 13:03

I want some!!!

hilde43 5

Tuesday 17 January 2012 13:52

Awesome

beckytard 8

Tuesday 17 January 2012 16:29

I thought op was talking about hash browns *facepalm*

honeybadger123 0

Tuesday 17 January 2012 19:47

#foreverstoned

wildchild24 0

Tuesday 17 January 2012 20:02

Perhaps this is a win.

dat_troll 0

Tuesday 17 January 2012 21:33

Don't be so negative, that way he don't think you're boring.

XxCassie2323xX 3

Tuesday 17 January 2012 22:14

What?

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The Top

Today, I saw this other trans man at college. He comes from a very accepting family, who let him go on testosterone. He’s so handsome, I’m so jealous. I get an ache in my chest when I see him. I can't help but think, "How is this fair? Why can’t I be that handsome?" I feel so disgusting for being jealous of him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 342

You deserved it 421

Today, I passed out. I fell to the hardwood floor, cut my chin, and bit through my lip. Fortunately, my brother was there to help stop the bleeding and get me some water. All I had to do was wait until he finished his game of Call of Duty. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 615

You deserved it 1 865

The Top

Today, it appears that when in high school I made one of those "If we're unmarried at 35, we should marry each other" deals. Well, this afternoon she turned up at my house. I'm not married, but I have a pregnant girlfriend. She claimed a girlfriend doesn't count so our promise is still binding. And yes, she had the crazy eyes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 105

You deserved it 213

Today, I’m in danger of losing my job as a full time carer because my charge, an autistic 11 year-old, hasn’t eaten a thing in 3 days because he wants a meal that doesn’t actually exist, which he saw in one of his online cartoons. I have no idea what to do. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 211

You deserved it 124

Today, my aunt and I went shopping. When we got to the store, she said she forgot her wallet, and I told her I would buy some things for her. When we were at the checkout, I was a dollar short. She said, "Oh, I'll get it!" and pulled out her wallet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 359

You deserved it 4 905

Today, I jokingly went over to a an attractive female co-worker and said "you look like you need a hug". She told me she wasn't feeling well and didn't want to be touched. No more than 30 seconds after our encounter she ran to give one of our more attractive male co-workers a hug. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 380

You deserved it 11 270

Today, I had to take a delivery to a known hoarder. I was braced for the sight of the house, but not the naked fat guy and the smell of dead cat when he answered the door. To top it off, they didn't even tip me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 762

You deserved it 188

Today, my boyfriend asked me to have phone sex with him. However, it seems he doesn't quite know what it is, so now he wants me to explain it to him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 621

You deserved it 4 441