Love, Animals, Awkward, Dating and Drugs: High times - FML

FML for mobile
Free

Open in app

High times

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I went on a date to the zoo. I soon found out that my date had eaten several hash brownies before entering. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 452

You deserved it 4 287

St. Patrick's Day: Shamrocks and Tribulations
Green anecdotes of jealousy, full of shamrocks and pints, for a memorable St. Patrick's Day! More…

Previous FML Next FML

Same thing different taste

By Jaime - 31/03/2014 22:05 - United States - New York

Today, I went on a first date with a guy I met online. Not only was he boring, he twice excused himself to go to the bathroom and both times he came back smelling of weed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 397

You deserved it 6 826

By Anonymous - 26/09/2009 14:24 - United States

Today, I went on my first date in nearly a year. A few minutes into the meal, he called me "scrumptious" and made animal noises for the rest of it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 173

You deserved it 3 328

By Anonymous - 01/04/2016 18:30 - Canada - Toronto

Today, my date took me to visit his farm. As we were walking, a wild rabbit darted past me and startled me. I tripped and fell face first into cow dung. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 739

You deserved it 2 737

By Anonymous - 01/01/2016 11:37 - Australia

Today, I went on a date at the park. Have you ever felt dozens of ants swarming up your legs and back? I have now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 093

You deserved it 1 723

By Anonyme - 06/04/2019 02:00

Today, I went on a date for the first time in ages, only to realize that the guy I was seeing chose to take us to a specific restaurant in able to stalk his ex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 334

You deserved it 160

By Anonymous - 16/12/2018 03:00

Today, I went on a date. I went to the bathroom for five minutes and returned to find my date had not only left, but poured ketchup all over our food to ruin it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 608

You deserved it 200

Bat out of hell

By goodeyesight - 11/10/2012 14:02 - Brazil - Sào Paulo

Today, I went on a blind date. Sadly, I wasn't blind enough. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 364

You deserved it 31 751

Pleased to meet y'all

By rokkstarrrVRV - 28/12/2013 08:42 - Canada - Edmonton

Today, I took a girl on a date. Her and her imaginary friends. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 335

You deserved it 5 168

Tonight, on First Dates…

By Anonymous - 19/03/2023 22:00 - Australia

Today, I went on a first date with a guy I really liked. He spent the whole time talking about his pet iguana and how it's the love of his life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 828

You deserved it 174

Cool moves

By Juanna - 13/01/2010 08:07 - United States

Today, I went on a blind date. We were walking in a park when I noticed a funny smell. I looked down and realized I'd stepped in dog crap. I tried to nonchalantly rub it off on the grass, but instead hit a patch of wet grass and slipped onto my butt, right into a pile of goose poop. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 692

You deserved it 4 527

Next

Top comments

eminemop 0

Monday 16 January 2012 23:47

Nothing like special brownies and a trip to the zoo!

gaffag 2

Monday 16 January 2012 23:48

That's a really good idea. Thank you

Comments

lissyplz 0

Tuesday 17 January 2012 3:55

I get where O.P is coming from, I'd be pretty offended if my date got high. It would make me feel like I'm not good enough to be around while they're sober... There's a time and a place for these things, I guess.

smittys 7

Tuesday 17 January 2012 15:49

Well maybe you're not?

lissyplz 0

Wednesday 18 January 2012 17:30

I've been on successful dates with sober people I must be okay

JulesPWinnfield 0

Tuesday 17 January 2012 4:25

She's a keeper.

tdotk1d 6

Tuesday 17 January 2012 4:28

he didn't share? how rude.

ShakeMeDown 12

Tuesday 17 January 2012 4:30

Except when you mix your drugs up and put roofies in instead.

jonriise18 3

Tuesday 17 January 2012 4:38

Awesome!!! I don't even like weed but that sounds like a good time!

hateevryone 14

Tuesday 17 January 2012 4:43

did he vomit?

kekee88 0

Tuesday 17 January 2012 5:01

Dear OP. I think i speak for everyone when I say... So?

pussapian 3

Tuesday 17 January 2012 5:03

Ive done that before... Quite fun actually :)

rocklare18 7

Tuesday 17 January 2012 5:04

how are you going to compare bud to roofies lmaoo

csi13 8

Tuesday 17 January 2012 5:24

What is a hash brownie...?

j_cat187 19

Tuesday 17 January 2012 7:32

It's better to find out by trying one. There very good.

4
5
6
7
8
9
10
11
12
13

FML on Facebook

Keywords

Embarrassing Health Work My ex Cops Cars Transportation Anxiety Students Mental health Stressed out Gross Friends Love Social Media Crush Cats Animals Cute Facebook Family Sex Poopoo peepee Intimacy Kids Relatable Kittens Miscellaneous Movies Sleep

The Top

Today, I looked into my sink's garbage disposal for the first time since I moved in two months ago. Apparently, the putrid smell was not the food I've been throwing down it, but instead, a now what appears to be mutilated litter of rats. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 954

You deserved it 3 861

Today, my boyfriend of over a year told me that he will never marry me because we are different ethnicities and his parents don't approve. I was of course very upset and crying. His way to comfort me was by saying, "Don't worry, I will always cheat on my wife with you." FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 264

You deserved it 3 758

The Top

Today, my 17-year-old son hacked off the legs of his bed with a saw. His explanation? "The bed looks cooler closer to the floor." FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 573

You deserved it 4 998

Today, I woke up in my bunkbed because I thought I was experiencing my first earthquake ever. I jumped out of bed and found that it was just my roomate masturbating in the bottom bunk. It was 6am. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 531

You deserved it 3 890

Today, I broke up with my girlfriend. She was ecstatic. Apparently, she'd been trying to figure out how to break up with me for the past four months. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 627

You deserved it 1 567

Today, I tried whitening my teeth with an off-brand product. It didn't whiten my teeth, but it did burn parts of my gums off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 316

You deserved it 7 698

Today, I was wrapping Christmas presents while watching a terrible Netflix Christmas movie to get into the holiday spirit. Halfway through, I realized I had wrapped my scissors and tape inside one of the gifts. Now I’m sitting here with unwrapped gifts and a deep annoyance at Christmas all together. FML

I agree, your life sucks 148

You deserved it 476

Today, I've been getting terrible backlash from the neighbors after I forbade my kids from hanging out with one of the neighborhood kids. They think I dislike her because she’s trans. The truth is she’s rude, disrespectful, has been in several fights and had run ins with the police. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 182

You deserved it 102