Miscellaneous: Humor bypass

Humor bypass

By #goodbyelife - 09/12/2014 00:38 - United States

Today, my mom texted me and asked what I was up to. In response, I joked, "Dancing on the dining room table, waving dad's Calvin Klein's in the air, and shooting bullets into her bedroom floor." Not only did the cops show up, but now I'm grounded for two weeks for being, "deceptively believable." FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 137

You deserved it 6 234

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Same thing different taste

By lehonX9 - 06/06/2015 09:11 - Germany - Hanover

Today, my mom found my weed stash and went berserk, grounding me and saying she's going to have my bedroom door removed. Less than an hour later, I found her laughing and smoking the same stash with my dad in the backyard. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 816

You deserved it 9 725

Never try this at home

By Anonymous - 06/08/2023 13:00 - United States - Grass Valley

Today, a bunch of cops showed up at my house demanding to see my wife to make sure she was OK. Turns out my insane out-of-state daughter swatted me, calling 911 to tell them I had tied up my wife, and been impersonating her for a week. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 034

You deserved it 134

By Yoooooo0 - 29/11/2009 18:10 - United States

Today, my dad and mom and I were going out to eat dinner. My dad wanted a romantic dinner just with my mom so he told me to make an excuse not to go. I did, which ended up as a huge fight, grounded and phone taken away. My dad just stood there in the background putting thumbs up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 073

You deserved it 3 724

It wasn't me

By Anonymous - 02/09/2024 06:00 - Canada

Today, I received a text from my mom saying, "We need to talk." I panicked and replied, "What did I do now?" She responded, "I was going to ask what you wanted for dinner, but now I’m curious about what you're hiding." FML

I agree, your life sucks 373

You deserved it 198

By -_- - 05/07/2013 21:59 - United States - Munith

Today, at a family dinner, my mother-in-law talked me into showing off some moves that I've learned in martial arts. I gently did a restraining hold on her. She screamed that I was trying to break her wrists, and kept the wounded act up all night, smirking as everyone gave me death glares. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 583

You deserved it 5 226

By Anonymous - 08/11/2014 20:36 - United States - Deland

Today, I tried to blackmail my dad by threatening to tell mom about the bong and weed he keeps hidden in the garage. Turns out she already knew about it and neither of them give a shit. Now I'm grounded until the new year. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 982

You deserved it 38 806

By idiot - 28/07/2009 16:15 - United States

Today, I was house sitting by myself and I texted my mom saying how thankful I was that she was trusting me and not checking up on me. That night I threw a party at the house. My mom showed up to check on me because my text was "suspicious". FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 833

You deserved it 126 217

By Grounded - 29/12/2009 18:50 - United States

Today, I told my mom I was going on a date tonight. She laughed and didn't believe me. When I tried to convince her it was real, she got mad and grounded me for lying. I had to cancel the date. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 256

You deserved it 3 854

By why?! - 10/09/2011 01:57 - United States

Today, my mom baked cupcakes for my visiting grandparents. Later, I saw my grandpa chowing down on them. Even later, my mom demanded to know why there were a dozen cupcake wrappers on my bed. I've essentially been framed by my own grandpa, and am now grounded for a month. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 247

You deserved it 2 867

By Anonymous - 05/11/2014 19:52 - Australia - Hawthorn

Today, my mum yelled "Son of a bitch!" as I narrowly beat her at a game of Mario Kart. I jokingly yelled back "Hell yeah I am!" Now I'm grounded for two weeks, birthday included, all because my mum's a sore loser. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 159

You deserved it 10 226

your_ma 27

Tuesday 9 December 2014 11:33

Is your mum a total fucktard?

lovelyvampire 16

Tuesday 9 December 2014 11:33

not sure who to blame here, well your mom lol. she's ether really gullible or just crazy... I'm sure it was all fixed quickly. now you have a story to tell at future parties! :)

Comments

wvcheesehead 13

Tuesday 9 December 2014 13:49

Look on the bright side, you can do some pretty goofy shit now and when she calls the police they will not believe her.

sthrnbell 9

Tuesday 9 December 2014 15:22

Dude that sucks! your mom should be more chill. And I'm a mom so I speak from that angle. I would have laughed it off if u were my kid.

ThePaperDragon 31

Tuesday 9 December 2014 15:39

Consider a career in sales! You could be very successful!

sisco2901 20

Tuesday 9 December 2014 15:56

Just to chime in: this is the dead-pan kind of humor that cracks me up the most. But to each their own, I guess.

Eivana 37

Tuesday 9 December 2014 15:57

Lol, what?!

TimeForPlanB 14

Tuesday 9 December 2014 16:08

did the cops at least want to see the floor? or have you been "deceptively believable" once more? ;)

Filip6642 10

Tuesday 9 December 2014 17:10

Wow ... your mom is weird ... Also i'm sorry for you bro :(

trucker21 5

Tuesday 9 December 2014 17:21

you get an award for being awesome.

Zebediabolical 39

Tuesday 9 December 2014 17:29

Either she's batshit crazy, in which case you should know better, or she has legitimate reason to take you at your word, in which case you should know better.