Sex, Awkward and Intimacy: I can't help it

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I can't help it

By Anonymous - 14/02/2015 17:47 - Ireland

Today, my girlfriend wanted to roleplay as a schoolgirl. I was excited, until we started and she asked me to lick her "vajayjay". I cringed so hard, my skull practically caved in. I broke down laughing while trying to explain my cringing. Now she's pissed and I'm blue-balled. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 253

You deserved it 11 943

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Same thing different taste

By shitfaced - 18/09/2015 17:30 - Netherlands - Sassenheim

Today, I kissed my girlfriend for the first time. She recoiled in horror and asked if someone had taken a shit in my mouth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 700

You deserved it 9 535

Too much feeling!

By buckerooo - 03/12/2019 20:00

Today, my girlfriend and I were getting frisky when we decide to try the old 69. One thing leads to another when her clit ring went deep into my nose, and leaving me feeling like the wrong kind of bull. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 940

You deserved it 517

By :x - 03/02/2016 15:40 - United States - Richmond

Today, I tried to be sexy by pulling down my girlfriend's panties with my teeth. I didn't expect to be faced with the mother of all shit stains and start gagging so bad I nearly puked. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 944

You deserved it 5 371

Comedian

By WoofWoof - 27/09/2020 14:01 - Pakistan - Islamabad

Today, I had to explain to my girlfriend that getting on all fours and barking at my penis for fun in the center of a mall is extremely inappropriate. She thinks otherwise, and promises to do it again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 413

You deserved it 421

By Anonymous - 16/08/2010 20:20 - United States

Today, I kissed my girlfriend. She threw up in my mouth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 941

You deserved it 6 679

By Anonymous - 27/01/2013 06:03 - United States - Demorest

Today, while getting intimate with my girlfriend, I felt a sharp pain in my stomach, and had to run to the bathroom to evacuate my bowels. She heard the horrible sounds, and I doubt I'll ever be able to seduce her again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 060

You deserved it 3 910

By Brian - 18/03/2012 02:32 - United States - East Wenatchee

Today, while I was cuddling with my girlfriend, she looked at me and leaned in. Thinking she was going to kiss me, I leaned too. Just as we were about to kiss, she screamed "COW KISSES" and somehow managed to lick my eyeball. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 217

You deserved it 5 118

Show and tell

By Boyufd - 22/04/2020 23:00

Today, it was the first time I was about to have sex with my girlfriend of 3 years, since I'm self-conscious about my size. When she saw it, she started laughing. She was mad I didn't want to continue. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 203

You deserved it 317

Grossed out

By Anonymous - 10/11/2018 14:00

Today, I was helping this girl to the nurse’s office because she was so sick that she could barely walk. About halfway there, she stopped and vomited on me. My jaw was dropped in shock when she threw up on me again. A little went into my mouth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 808

You deserved it 356

pharm121 21

Sunday 15 February 2015 5:37

Well she said she wanted to be a school girl...

vampy719 17

Sunday 15 February 2015 5:38

Lmfao oh come on sometimes sex is funny and i would deff die of laughter if that happened to me im sorry but that word is just not sexy

Comments

CheeseTacos 9

Sunday 15 February 2015 5:44

You don't call your thangalang a weewee.

Retaheki 27

Sunday 15 February 2015 6:02

Or a thangalang, for that matter.

benjamn 24

Sunday 15 February 2015 16:35

Thangalang a dingdongalong

SadisticKittyCat 9

Sunday 15 February 2015 5:46

That's your fault, man. it's hard not to laugh at, but you shouldn't have laughed xD

brand125 17

Sunday 15 February 2015 17:22

excuse me? so if someone says something really dumb and funny, its the other persons fault for laughing? do you understand how laughing works? it sometimes cant be controlled..

dmoney247ivy 2

Tuesday 17 February 2015 21:08

dude he cringed lol she would've been mad either way haha

joelp232 17

Sunday 15 February 2015 5:46

no good deed goes unpunished.

Exodiafinder687 58

Sunday 15 February 2015 5:50

Tell her you'll lick her vajayjay if she sucks your penaynay.

mrmcleod 29

Sunday 15 February 2015 6:01

He should have asked her to suck his peepee.

brittaaany_93 38

Sunday 15 February 2015 16:04

Lost my shit at the word "penaynay".

emilyyy_maryyy 14

Sunday 15 February 2015 5:51

I'm sorry but vajayjay is just so not erotic... I don't blame you for laughing

just_dorky_me 22

Sunday 15 February 2015 7:27

Your eyes are so pretty!

MyDadLeftMeInKFC 21

Sunday 15 February 2015 5:51

Sounds sexy. Maybe next time she wants to role play you use a ridiculous word like that and see if she understands why you laughed? Haha, sounds like a tricky situation.

cari_cat 19

Sunday 15 February 2015 10:09

In reference to another FML, why don't you tell her you'll "dick her down good" ?

oobergoober89 16

Sunday 15 February 2015 5:55

She seemed committed to her role

150493x 29

Sunday 15 February 2015 5:59

Maybe explain why you laughed & then once the air has been cleared make suggestions on what she could say instead. She'll feel more confident & you won't cringe.