Intimacy, Embarrassing, Awkward and Wanker: It's not what you think!

It's not what you think!

By joeheathen - 13/11/2009 12:57 - United States

Today, I went to the pharmacy to purchase a brace for my sprained wrist. My wife and I had recently ran out of KY lotion, so I decided to pick up a bottle while I was there. It didn't occur to me that these two items could be perceived as being related until the cashier began to giggle. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 572

You deserved it 6 654

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Same thing different taste

By random0605 - 29/09/2011 05:01 - United States

Today, the clerk at Walmart asked me if the stretch mark cream I was buying was for my wife. I wish I could've said yes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 888

You deserved it 4 232

By fijiflu - 05/11/2015 21:31

Today, at work in a call center, I went into my locker to get my pain pills from a recent surgery. When I opened the bottle, half my pills spread all over the floor. My boss walked by and said, "I knew it!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 548

You deserved it 1 542

Just joking, dude!

By spacemanspiff78 - 31/10/2011 15:07

Today, while standing in line at the supermarket, I reached past my wife to get a pack of gum. She jokingly did the "battered wife flinch" to get a laugh, and smiled at me from behind her hand. The cop staring at us obviously didn't notice the smile and definitely didn't think it was funny. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 278

You deserved it 4 226

By useless pos - 01/03/2013 00:48 - Australia - Sydney

Today, I went out to buy a bottle of wine and some condoms. As the cashier scanned the condoms, she snickered and muttered, "Yeah right." She was right; I really was just desperate to look like I have a sex life. I got so upset that I left my items and walked out with tears in my eyes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 292

You deserved it 12 379

Running commentary

By well crap... - 21/06/2020 14:18

Today, I nervously went to the store to buy condoms for the first time. I felt like everything was going well, and checked out happily. As I was walking out, the cashier lady said to the woman next in line, "He thinks he's going to need condoms." They both looked at me and started laughing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 140

You deserved it 218

Fight me

By Anonymous - 08/12/2009 06:53 - United States

Today, I gave my sister some Lubriderm for a skin condition we share. While she was applying the lotion I joking said, "Wouldn't it be funny if it made it worse?" Guess who got punched in the face, twice, because it did. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 761

You deserved it 25 580

By danskinnow - 05/10/2009 02:01 - United States

Today, I went to a store to buy a man's thong because my girlfriend wanted me to. When I went in I also grabbed some lingerie for her. Thinking I was being clever I wrapped it up in a t-shirt so no one would notice and went to checkout. The cashier then called for a price check on the thong. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 124

You deserved it 34 699

By badcomparison - 18/12/2016 07:02 - United States - Warrensburg

Today, I was at Bath and Body Works with a friend of mine. She wanted me to smell a particular lotion and when she brought it up to my nose, she squeezed the bottle and lotion went all over my face. Right after, a worker came by and commented how the lotion "got a little too excited". FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 546

You deserved it 828

By madfather - 23/02/2009 01:38 - United States

Today, I went to the store to buy some condoms for my girlfriend, Kim and I. I was in a rush and when I looked at the cashier realized it was her father. Nervous and hoping to reassure him, I go "don't worry, I'm not using these with Kim." That didn't help. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 134

You deserved it 72 630

By GreenMonstR - 25/04/2009 05:09 - United States

Today, I was at the store with my wife. As we were walking out, I helped an elderly woman get through the door. As I was opening the door, my foot got stuck on the door and my face was catapulted into the woman's breasts. It wasn't until we got into the car that my wife burst into hysterics. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 230

You deserved it 4 773

perdix 29

Friday 13 November 2009 21:14

Good thing you weren't picking up a copy of "American Girl" magazine for your daughter at the same time. You could have been arrested.

zOMGitsdc 0

Friday 13 November 2009 21:00

Ohh you freak! Bow chicka bow wow.

Comments

beastly13 0

Saturday 14 November 2009 2:39

This even made kirby lol! he hereby gives u a waffle. (>'')># kirby taking over FML! spread the word!

icansayanything_fml 0

Saturday 14 November 2009 6:17

stop doing that.

greenltrn2003 0

Saturday 14 November 2009 2:57

my god...you have made my evening

gigi2009 0

Saturday 14 November 2009 3:26

xD!! (agreed with #55)

underbluesky 0

Saturday 14 November 2009 3:55

Well, its not really FML cause at least you have a wife to go home to. I'd be FML if you were going home to ********** alone with your wrist brace.

Leetswaglordmaybe2 9

Monday 16 November 2009 19:05

ooohh... now I get it xD

alwaysalady 0

Saturday 14 November 2009 5:13

But how are these related? I don't understand!!!

simplyapril 4

Saturday 14 November 2009 8:35

the cashier didnt know it was for him and his wife, so they assumed it was all just for HIM lol

HollyDolly660 8

Saturday 14 November 2009 5:19

Omg! I haven't laughed this hard in a long time!!! WIN!!!!!!!!!!!

phenistae 0

Saturday 14 November 2009 5:30

I didn't get it at first either...but i am a pure and innocent young lady XD...really made me laugh my ass off...that was Epic!

pmac 1

Saturday 14 November 2009 5:40

LOL an unfortunate fisting accident. I hate when that happens.

BananEnigma 24

Wednesday 18 May 2016 17:13

LOL that's not even what I was thinking but that was even better.

ladiesman14 0

Saturday 14 November 2009 5:42

thats ok dude. i might be add cause i date 6 girls. try to have sex 5 times a day. i also beat off and watch **** after that 2 or 3 times before i take a nap.