Drunk and Kids: Jesus H Christ

Jesus H Christ

By bastard - This FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I went to a Nativity play. My husband showed up late and drunk, and I had to explain to him why booming, "Yeah! Time to get baby Jesus up in this shit!" when our son was about to go on stage got us kicked out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 845

You deserved it 4 537

Winter: Snow and Funny News
Snuggle up and laugh with our winter stories, where snow isn't the only thing sliding around! More…

Previous FML Next FML

Same thing different taste

Miracles

By smyp - This FML is from back in 2015 but it's good stuff - Lithuania

Today, my wife and I decided to celebrate Christmas Eve with her side of the family. When we arrived at her parents' house, I heard her mother say that Christmas miracles don't exist since my wife brought me along. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 761

You deserved it 1 688

Hungover

By RedheadA - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, my husband and I woke up to see my drunk mother passed out on our couch. She was wearing nothing but socks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 652

You deserved it 3 696

Sorry mate, I didn't know

By Baboosh - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - Canada

Today, was my first day as a bouncer. I was a bit late and didn't meet all the staff. Later that night, some fairly drunk guy was trying to force his way in, I told him we were at capacity and that he would have to wait. He kept trying and I ended up pushing him to the floor. He was the owner. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 622

You deserved it 14 143

Sneaky

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2015 but it's good stuff - Canada - Owen Sound

Today, I caught my dad sneaking a drink of whiskey outside, shortly before my wedding. I asked if he was seriously getting drunk at a time like this. He looked at me and scoffed, "It's the only way I'm gonna get through this stupid shit." FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 007

You deserved it 5 094

Running late

By SMV - This FML is from back in 2008 but it's good stuff - France

Today, my company was having a huge party so I went to work dressed in my best outfit. During lunch break, my boss said to me, "You really missed out on something yesterday, it was great fun!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 253

You deserved it 6 097

Thanks for the info

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2017 but it's good stuff

Today, my mother told my boyfriend a cute story about me when I was little. The one where my cousin and I were caught pooping in a urinal in the church basement. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 848

You deserved it 634

Foreshadowing

By JB. - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - United States - Somerset

Today, while my husband and I were arguing, he walked away in the middle of my sentence yelling, "Remember babe, you're only my current wife!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 977

You deserved it 5 100

Taking the piss

By Mug - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - United Kingdom

Today, my boss made me work a longer shift than usual. Not because he needed me in, but just so I'd finish at the same time as his brat of a son, and give him a lift home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 255

You deserved it 2 235

Party Hard!

By Livewire - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, it's New Year's Eve. My husband and I weren't invited to any parties, and we don't have a sitter to be able to go out by ourselves. Instead, I'm watching "Beverly Hills Chihuahua 2" on the Disney channel with our 5-year-old, and my husband has passed out on the couch from sheer boredom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 281

You deserved it 7 817

By Ohwhy - 27/10/2012 11:53 - United Kingdom - Liverpool

Today, as I waited to fly home, a very attractive woman smiled and gestured towards the seat next to me. However, a hyperactive child and his mother barged past into said empty seats. The woman really hit it off with the guy behind, while I was stuck listening to a kid scream at Angry Birds. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 492

You deserved it 2 082

AbstraktThoughts 13

Monday 23 December 2013 2:18

Father of the year award goes to...

Welshite 39

Monday 23 December 2013 2:19

I guess his part was the donkey.

Comments

TooFuckinFunny 3

Monday 23 December 2013 3:27

Am I the only one that pictured this and found it funny?

BoltTheSuperdog 22

Monday 23 December 2013 11:11

It made me laugh, so it's in my favorites list!

isuckwithnames 22

Monday 23 December 2013 4:20

Why does everyone think he needs AA. There is no evidence to prove that he gets drunk a lot. You guys need to be less pessimistic.

buckdharma 37

Monday 23 December 2013 4:20

Let me guess. He tried to go back to the Inn, but all the stools were taken.

rdnkchevy 9

Monday 23 December 2013 4:26

I see A.A. In his near future

saocrates 16

Monday 23 December 2013 4:27

I want my baby Jesus to wear a tuxedo shirt, so his formal but ready to party! - Cal Nawton Jr.

Sputnikspak 13

Monday 23 December 2013 4:36

Was your son playing First Lobster?

LissaMccracken 23

Monday 23 December 2013 4:37

I just laughed so hard at this...

pita1331 7

Monday 23 December 2013 4:41

Everyone is saying AA or take his alcohol away but nowhere in this FML did OP say her husband has a drinking problem

Dodge4x4Ram 46

Monday 23 December 2013 4:45

He stole the show

worldclassrager 39

Monday 23 December 2013 4:48

Is there another performance you can go to?

Keywords

Toxic Family Christmas Holidays Coworkers Love AITA Miscellaneous Furniture Sex Intimacy Parents Relatable Lonely Kids Money Health Television Roommate Amazon Work You're fired Cheating Computers Mental health Anger issues Dentist Painful I need your advice Am I overreacting?

The Top

Today, I asked my boyfriend to spend the night at my house because my dad would be working out of town, and once the rest of the house left I thought it'd be sweet if he snuck in my room and slept with me. His reply was, "Why bother? You're on your period, it's not like we can do anything." FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 270

You deserved it 14 171

Today, I finally went on a date with a guy who’s been begging to take me out for weeks. I’m terrified of dating but, after consulting with my friends, I decided to give it a shot as he seemed nice. He told me during the date that he has a girlfriend, but he just fantasizes about hooking up with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 592

You deserved it 85

The Top

Today, I was woken up from a dead sleep because a bug had fallen into my ear. I could hear it moving around in there, and it took me an hour with a blade of grass in my ear to get it to climb its way back out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 555

You deserved it 300

Today, I've been sitting here for what seems like an eternity listening to my mom ruthlessly grill my sister about a piercing she got. Why don't I just leave, you ask? We're in the ER. My grandma is in the ICU, critically ill. But my sister's piercing is apparently a bigger concern. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 064

You deserved it 140

Today a big-ass hawk swooped down and carried off my daughter’s dog. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 132

You deserved it 129

Today, the last of my college friends is getting married and now I'm the last single one. Don't worry though, if one ever gets a divorce we can hang out again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 902

You deserved it 1 106

Today, I walked into the bathroom only to see my boyfriend sitting on the floor eating ice cream, crying. I'd say I was shocked, but this isn't the first time it's happened. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 985

You deserved it 6 694

Today, I finally found out what the horrible smell at work was. A rat had decided to make its home in our emergency exit sign and had been fried by the electricity. I now have to fix this. Hello scorched dead rat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 335

You deserved it 2 083

Same thing different taste

Top comments

Comments