Sex, Awkward and Intimacy: Lingo

Lingo

By Ethan - 09/03/2009 13:35 - Australia

Today, I was having birthday dinner with my girlfriend and her parents, when her Dad asked what I'd got her. She replied, "He said he was going to give me a Pearl Necklace when we get home." I realized then that my girlfriend did not know what I meant by 'Pearl Necklace.' FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 163

You deserved it 95 371

When Christmas Ends Badly…
Rather than debating politics with Uncle Roger for the umpteenth time, share the best Christmas FMLs to finally have a good family meal! More…

Previous FML Next FML

Same thing different taste

By JJ_V3N0M - 03/01/2015 10:48 - United States - San Francisco

Today, it was my girlfriend's birthday, so I decided to take her to a fancy restaurant and give her an expensive $400 necklace that I had bought. Being traditional, I asked the waiter to arrange it nicely on the tray when he came with our dessert. Neither he nor the necklace ever showed up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 948

You deserved it 9 414

By Nickolas Neffster - 05/10/2011 00:14 - United States

Today, I bought my girlfriend a very expensive necklace. I gave it to her thinking she'd be extremely happy. Instead she was mad at me because my gift for our anniversary was better than hers. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 135

You deserved it 3 109

By clayton - 28/07/2012 00:30 - Australia - Sydney

Today, I was speaking to my mother on the phone, when she mentioned that my dad had surprised her last week with a pearl necklace. Before I could quite grasp what was going on, I'd popped a boner and visualised the scene. What the hell is wrong with me? FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 510

You deserved it 44 193

By I_Lossed - 03/11/2009 11:02 - Australia

Today, I asked my girlfriend about a diamond necklace I bought her for her birthday, which she didn't seem to be wearing. She then told me she hocked it to pay for her inexpensive phone bill. I paid $1,500 for that necklace, she received $300 from the pawn shop. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 519

You deserved it 4 779

By Chrissy - 08/02/2010 20:24 - United States

Today, I found out that the necklace my boyfriend gave me for my birthday was actually a gift he'd given to his ex-girlfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 241

You deserved it 3 040

By Mazzam - 19/11/2008 11:33 - France

Today, it's my birthday. My girlfriend gave me the present she'd bought for me. I said, joking, "I hope it's not a tie!" It was a tie. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 279

You deserved it 18 565

Charming

By Anonymous - 18/05/2009 16:46 - Egypt

Today, the man I was going on a dinner date with bought me an expensive necklace. We got to the table he had reserved when his friend came and sat with us. Somehow, the subject of getting it on came up. My date then said, "Expensive jewelry - one way ticket to her pants." FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 034

You deserved it 6 716

Delayed proposal

By Anonymous - 18/07/2020 23:02

Today, my girlfriend found the engagement ring I bought and assumed it was a late birthday present. She’s now wearing it on her right hand like a signet ring and she somehow hasn’t figured out it’s a diamond and not a Swarovski. I'm now waiting for her to figure it out before I pop the question. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 756

You deserved it 404

By flyakite29 - 20/07/2009 16:36 - United States

Today, my girlfriend came home and announced that she'd just bought a $40 pair of flipflops. She then declared that I wouldn't be getting a birthday gift this year due to budget shortfalls. For hers a month prior, I'd got her a $300 piece of jewelry. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 614

You deserved it 5 454

Old dog, new tricks

By Anonymous - 25/07/2024 00:00 - United States - Bakersfield

Today, for my mom's birthday, I couldn't figure out what to get her, so I just took some of her jewelry, wrapped it up, and re-gifted it. She recognized it instantly. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36

You deserved it 1 367

hardcore_fml 0

Monday 9 March 2009 20:21

Why would she know what you meant? Let's go through the conversation. What did you get me for my birthday? I'm going to shoot my load on your neck/chest. Now gauge the excitement upon hearing this news and discover that you're a douche. lol.

Heidi_fml 0

Monday 9 March 2009 20:01

Um... why would she appreciate YOUR meaning as a birthday gift? Disgusting.

Comments

skladek 0

Monday 9 March 2009 20:25

hahahaha #12, I just died a little bit. I don't know of any girl who would be excited by that.

mrstomkaulitz 0

Saturday 19 June 2010 6:35

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.

Show it anyway

Tucatz 0

Monday 9 March 2009 20:25

And her dad knew what it meant, didn't he? If you use such euphemisms you need to make sure that the other person knows what you're talking about. Did she know that you were intending to blow a load on her face and neck? Or were you just going to spring that on her? You Massengill factor is off the charts. Truly a douche of the worst sort.

Jeroen041 0

Monday 9 March 2009 20:26

hahahahah :P

pommeblossom 0

Monday 9 March 2009 20:34

Disgusting.

Amkii 0

Monday 9 March 2009 20:35

Haha....ew. Let's hope her dad was thinking the innocent way, too.

AntiqueTurquiose 0

Monday 9 March 2009 20:37

well, did you get her anything other than sexual favors? if not, then you should buy her a real pearl necklace for making her think you had something great to give her.