Intimacy: Man child

Man child

By Anonymous - 26/10/2011 23:44 - United States

Today, I was getting intimate with my husband on our anniversary day. He climbed on top of me and firmly placed his penis on my nose. When I asked him what the hell he was doing, he burst into laughter and said I looked just like Squidward. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 665

You deserved it 5 928

Halloween: Terror and Laughter
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Same thing different taste

By suffersecks - 20/01/2012 23:54 - United States

Today, while in the middle of giving my husband a blow job, I looked up to see him staring into space and vigorously picking his nose. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 650

You deserved it 6 198

The language of love

By disgusted - 24/09/2012 19:16 - United Kingdom - Harpenden

Today, my husband asked me to spoon him. He used it as an excuse to start farting on me. Yep, this is my husband. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 928

You deserved it 6 524

Honky

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2015 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, while my boyfriend and I were getting intimate, I let out a moan that can only really be described as sounding like a clown car horn. He ended up laughing so hard that he couldn't continue. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 276

You deserved it 5 164

By spaceavery - 24/09/2016 04:53 - United States - Gresham

Today, I was having amazing sex with my husband. When he blew his load, he also blew something else - a giant glob of snot, directly at my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 260

You deserved it 1 577

By Anonymous - 27/02/2016 07:27 - Japan - Ageo

Today, I was getting intimate with my husband, and I tried to do a swift position-change like they do in the movies. I wound up flipping off the bed and busting my nose open on the floor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 789

You deserved it 5 496

By Dramaqueenfornothing - 27/04/2016 22:32 - South Africa - Cape Town

Today, while being intimate with my future husband, I reached over to stroke his cheek. The light behind him cast a shadow over my chest, and it scared me so much, I screamed then I farted on him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 349

You deserved it 2 827

By C0r1nn3 - 07/06/2012 04:02 - United States - Santa Clara

Today, I was cuddling with my boyfriend in bed after a round of amazing sex. He decided it would be a great time to stick his finger up my nose. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 839

You deserved it 5 086

Common passion

By ShowerheadGirl - 09/11/2009 07:06 - United States

Today, I was having an intimate moment with my detachable shower head. I opened my eyes to find my husband of 4 months looking down on me. The only thing he said was, "You too?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 167

You deserved it 25 249

The good old days

By WOWreally - 25/09/2009 06:24 - United States

Today, I decided to surprise my husband in the shower. I got in and we were talking and goofing around and I stuck out my chest and sucked in my stomach being stupid, and my husband said, "Wait! Do it again! That's how you looked when I first met you." FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 043

You deserved it 12 112

By chewybarseventy - 24/08/2010 06:17 - United States

Today, I came home to see my husband talking to his penis. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 499

You deserved it 11 071

joeyf23 5

Thursday 27 October 2011 5:59

that's hilarious but kinda weird

SquashedSpider7 0

Thursday 27 October 2011 6:00

AMAZING! Your Husband is BOSS!!!

Comments

Mama_Munster 10

Wednesday 30 May 2012 9:02

My husband would sooo do this if he wouldve thought about it first lol

jasperito_reyes 6

Friday 14 December 2012 1:07

Get over it. He's just being silly.

lucianaamelia 21

Tuesday 5 November 2013 0:13

That's brilliant. Humour keeps romance alive after all

cartedor 18

Wednesday 17 September 2014 0:50

omg, that's hilarious. you have got to come up with a prank to make him look like that cuddly pink one. :-)

katty18724 25

Friday 12 December 2014 10:22

"Can you feel it now Mister Krabs?"

trumpy 9

Tuesday 5 May 2015 14:14

cmon thats funny

imhope 23

Tuesday 21 July 2015 19:51

Lmao that's greatness

baddays1332 6

Saturday 21 May 2016 4:42

I'm dying ?

TheNerdyVillager 2

Tuesday 18 October 2016 6:50

You have a good man.

Kichibai Otaku 2

Sunday 10 June 2018 2:53

You should have come to expect this from spongebob,you've been watching him on tv your entire childhood

Keywords

Weird Underwear Clothes Miscellaneous Halloween Dogs Animals Cute Fire Awkward First Dates Love Smells Scary Phobias Work Embarrassing Shopping Kids Friends Health Therapy Mental health Am I overreacting? AITA Birthday Poopoo peepee Thief Customers TV shows

The Top

Today, my boyfriend dumped me. He says he can’t be with someone who doesn’t love his dog as much as he does. I told him that I have absolutely no problem with the dog being in the room, but it makes me uncomfortable when the dog is on the bed while we have sex. Apparently, that’s unreasonable. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 734

You deserved it 152

Today, I went to my boyfriend's house, intending to break up with him. Instead, I was greeted by his whole family throwing me a surprise party. I had to sit and listen to his whole family talk about what a great couple we are and how we're going to last forever. FML

I agree, your life sucks 59 170

You deserved it 9 471

The Top

Today, I wore my best suit to an interview. I was told they didn't have any knight shifts available. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 174

You deserved it 83

Today, my Grandma was showing me an ancient family letter. It was apparently written by someone historically famous. She was going on about how important it was, in such good condition too, worth a lot. I dropped my glass of juice. It spilt all over it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 942

You deserved it 48 304

Today, at work, I did my morning constitutional and the automatic toilet died and wouldn't flush. I had to tell my boss, since there's only two toilets in the ladies' bathroom. So it's pretty obvious who dropped the duce. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 045

You deserved it 168

Today, after days of looking for it, I finally found the ring my boyfriend gave to me. It was on my roommate's finger. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 667

You deserved it 2 739

Today, my girlfriend made a delicious birthday breakfast, and she said there would be a surprise at the end. Today is not my birthday, it's her ex's. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 978

You deserved it 3 027

Today, in the toilet at work, I found that the scissors on my multitool are quite good at getting rid of a shit-stained shirttail. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 619

You deserved it 625