Love: Memories

Memories

By exasperated - 17/04/2014 03:14 - United States - Houston

Today, I got a call from the police that my house had been burglarized, but an off-duty cop caught the criminal. I pull up to see my detained, psycho ex-boyfriend sheepishly grinning at me. He had three of my lace panties and two of my bras, claiming it was "all for memories' sake". FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 191

You deserved it 4 621

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Same thing different taste

Born to run

By Ipickthegoodones - 26/06/2009 06:43 - United States

Today, I had three sheriffs come to my door, turns out my boyfriend of three years went on a robbing spree last week and brought the stolen merchandise back to my apartment. The best part: He used my car while committing the robberies. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 227

You deserved it 6 636

By anonymous - 22/02/2010 18:11 - Canada

Today, I found out that my ex-boyfriend stole a pair of my underwear, and still wears them to this day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 623

You deserved it 3 057

By Danielle - 06/06/2011 19:00 - United States

Today, I stayed at my boyfriend's house after mine was broken into. The robber took my laptop, jewellery, and tons of clothes. When I walked into his house, I was greeted by his brother, wearing one of my stolen shirts. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 802

You deserved it 4 072

By why me - 24/10/2017 01:30

Today, someone broke into my house and stole all of my underwear. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 317

You deserved it 288

The nerve of some people

By Inga44 - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I got a call from my boyfriend. He was at the police station for breaking into a model home to hook up with the girl he's been cheating on me with for the past four months. I was his one phone call. He was expecting me to bail him out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 62 147

You deserved it 3 779

By konacoffee17 - 14/12/2014 05:15 - United States - Portland

Today, I was having a nice conversation with my fiancé when he said out of nowhere, "I sold some of your panties". I thought he was joking so I said I hoped they weren't any of my favorites. He wasn't joking, though, and now some stranger from Craigslist owns my panties. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 678

You deserved it 3 072

By doblex - 20/12/2012 11:19 - United States

Today, my house was broken into. The cop that came turned out to be a guy I fought over a girl with in high school. He sneered and said that everything appeared to be in order, and that I probably ransacked my own house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 387

You deserved it 9 061

Gotcha

By Pissed - 28/10/2024 18:00 - United States

Today, I found out that the "burglar" I caught, punched, and tied up for the cops was actually my wife's secret lover. FML

I agree, your life sucks 733

You deserved it 88

By iliketoastalot - 09/08/2011 17:38 - United States

Today, my boyfriend got arrested. For robbing my house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 645

You deserved it 5 909

Nice neighborhood

By Anonymous - 29/04/2020 14:00

Today, after my ex broke up with me, I threw out all the clothes he’d bought me before, which was basically my entire wardrobe. Anyway, this creepy guy who lives a few blocks away seems to be wearing my old clothes and waves my bras and panties at me. It’s gross and creepy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 771

You deserved it 1 295

thelittlemissy 29

Thursday 17 April 2014 12:06

Punch him in the face, for your memorys sake

ethancano 11

Thursday 17 April 2014 12:04

Sorry, OP. That's incredibly creepy. At least he got caught

Comments

ash268 18

Thursday 17 April 2014 21:59

You mean "burgled".

mikbrooke 25

Thursday 17 April 2014 22:07

if she meant burgled, im pretty sure she would have written that & not burglarized.

worldclassrager 39

Thursday 17 April 2014 22:07

Did you get them back?

isweartocats 2

Thursday 17 April 2014 23:19

I hope the cop noticed how creepy that was.

qwtf 14

Friday 18 April 2014 0:41

Prosecute the creep.

fablous_hair 4

Friday 18 April 2014 0:48

That's really creepy, but if he did that, what wouldn't he do. I would suggest getting a restraining order

DARKDAY07 16

Friday 18 April 2014 3:11

I recomend a high voltage tazer and a russian bear dog

Waspinator1998 21

Friday 18 April 2014 5:52

I guess you're going to miss...the pantie raid.

deathrowdiesel 2

Friday 18 April 2014 6:14

Press charges and he wont be able to bother u for a while

anthony99 14

Friday 18 April 2014 6:14

It puts the lotion on the skin

iAshelle 11

Friday 18 April 2014 7:12

Get a restraining order ! That is weird.

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The Top

Today, my boyfriend and I decided to try the ice cubes in the vagina thing we'd read about. He kept sticking one in after another and they got stuck. My vagina had a brain freeze for a half an hour. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 779

You deserved it 3 948

Today, my girlfriend was giving me head during the horror flick we were watching. Little did I know, my girlfriend isn't a big fan of horror films. It was during a sex scene that intensified the moment. The same sex scene from which emerged a sudden jump-scare. I now have bite marks on my penis. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 865

You deserved it 62 131

The Top

Today, I sat my son down for a talk about how he's been too lazy to brush his teeth lately. I said, "Son, we need to have a chat about oral hygiene." He rolled his eyes, sighed, and said he already knew to clean "it" before a girl went down on him, and asked if he could go already. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 603

You deserved it 5 531

Today, it's my 16th birthday. My parents forgot about it, and planned a weekend out of town. I was alone on my birthday. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 083

You deserved it 97

Today, they introduced us to this cheesy school email program. I was trying to be funny by making a draft and sent it to "All" and I typed, "Thanos did nothing wrong." The send button was right next to the discard email button. I sent, "Thanos did nothing wrong" to every kid and teacher at school. FML

I agree, your life sucks 759

You deserved it 3 331

Today, at the elementary school where I teach, the kids all voted for their favorite teacher. I was the only one to receive zero votes. When I asked a small group of students why no one voted for me, one boy replied "because you're the ugliest". FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 841

You deserved it 4 118

Check out these guys and figure out what the saying is. Is it a saying? It's something in any case.

I agree, your life sucks 616

You deserved it 170

Today, I’ve been so stressed out lately about my health and mounting bills that my insomnia has returned with vengeance. I thought I’d masturbate to help get some relief, but turns out I’m too tired to even do the deed. Too exhausted to release, but my brain still won’t let me sleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 074

You deserved it 171