I don't have kids and maybe I will in the future but I perfectly understand where "the host's" perspective comes from. They are giving you a warning fair and square, not in the nicest way but it's better than kicking you out in the middle of it. Take as a warning, go and leave if your kids act up. That's your job as being a parent.

To be honest it's difficult to know whether you deserved this or not. It really depends on how often your kids melt down and how crazy they are when they do it. Every young kid loses it sometimes, but if they have a history of causing a scene over the least little thing, I'd be inclined to tell you that people aren't planning to put up with it either.

Well, I for one applaud you for seeing reality and respecting your family members wishes and needs- besides it's probably best to stay home so your kids can be comfortable. But if you truly wanna go, why don't you go for a bit I'm sure you can keep your kids calm and collected for two hours of fun. Then go home before the control frays.

If that's the kind of person they are, why would you want to spend the day with them to begin with?

that's absolutely ridiculous. sounds to me like they forgot what having kids is like. sorry op

I would probably ask you to leave too if I was that family member. Nobody wants to be around crying kids.

I find this sad. Kids, even the best raised kids, at that age can be a handful. Especially with all the people and lights and stimulation of Christmas Day. Add to that that they're probably not going to nap well, it's a recipe for disaster. As long as you're reacting accordingly to their tantrum (in whatever way works for your kids), then I think the family member is being unreasonable. If it's a family event, they're essentially excluding you for having children. While it might be their house, their rules, its not very friendly, and neither does it sound like you were given enough time to make different plans. Now, if you're not disciplining your children when they have a tantrum, that's a totally different story. Or, perhaps, you need to explain your discipline style (as each kid responds to discipline differently and we need to choose accordingly).

Skip nap time give the kids soda and candy and show up anyway.

This can go 2 ways either the family member is a real bitch or you are one of those people we all know that have zero control and don't discipline your children. We have someone like that in my family. Our family has many young children but it's not a little crying or meltdowns from over excitement or tiredness that are the issue. But uncontrollable screaming, kicking, biting, little terrors that ruin it for all others. While the parents completely ignore it's going on. As they destroy everything in their path. Demand their own way in all things, push hurt and traumatize the other young children, won't share, and are seriously impossible to be around. I bet everyone reading this has seen and knows of a child like this. No one can stand the child but it's the parents who are at fault!

I find it really sad that your kids and your family will be missing spending important time together because of a dumb ultimatum.