Intimacy: New laws

New laws

By Andrew - 23/08/2011 14:46 - United States

Today, my grandpa told me what he'd do if he was president. I sat there for 30 minutes listening to how he'd get rid of prisons, send all the prisoners to a desert for 5 years and give them a gun to fight over. And then he'd surgically attach child molesters' penises to their foreheads. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 232

You deserved it 6 408

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Same thing different taste

By onlyjuggalos - 31/01/2016 08:13 - United States

Today, I told my grandpa that I want to join the police force. His response: "You wanna lynch some blacks without the jail time, eh?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 588

You deserved it 2 570

By yeah okay then - 03/08/2012 23:50 - United Kingdom - Brentwood

Today, I decided to be nice and pay a social visit to my slightly deranged grandpa. I ended up politely sitting through two hours of him lecturing me on how he "invented the modern tap", then on how sex is an Illuminati invention to "give sluts the STDs they need to kill us all". FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 982

You deserved it 2 122

By lovingthis - 09/01/2013 16:48 - United States - Largo

Today, I walked in on my grandfather smiling at his penis. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 208

You deserved it 5 249

By Anonymous - 07/09/2012 22:59 - Australia - Redland Bay

Today, my grandpa was visiting. My neighbors started blasting out rap music, as they've done nearly 24/7 for months, telling me to fuck off when I complain. He went over and screamed he'd gut them like fish if they didn't pipe down. They did. He's 68 and still more intimidating than me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 579

You deserved it 5 036

Social reform, please

By Pepsi - 06/09/2020 14:02 - United States

Today, I saw my grandfather kick my dog, who is a 6-pound chihuahua, across the room. When I confronted him about it, he screamed at me for having "too much sex during the apocalypse" and "invading my brain with your pancakes." This man is my legal guardian for 3 more years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 764

You deserved it 155

By GoldenSteve - 05/11/2015 15:31 - United States - Humble

Today, my gym teacher ranted about how the government should put all the death row inmates in a coliseum and film them fighting. I guess he lied when he said he only drinks at the weekend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 472

You deserved it 2 546

By kawood - 30/03/2012 11:32 - United States

Today, I had to sit in the hospital with my 88-year-old grandfather by myself. During the five hours I was there, he insisted on sharing the intimate details of his many sexcapades that he has had since World War II. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 533

You deserved it 3 118

By therewasnocurtain - 06/04/2015 20:07 - United States - Lewiston

Today, I visited my sick grandpa for a few hours in the hospital. His roommate, also an elderly man, wouldn't stop masturbating. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 123

You deserved it 2 543

By notsoclean - 24/12/2010 21:14 - United States

Today, I was at the dentist's, getting my teeth cleaned. He thought it would be funny to suddenly go on in detail about the fantastic sex he and his wife had the night before. I was unable to speak the entire time. The dentist is my grandpa. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 487

You deserved it 3 697

No contact from now on

By lordoftheweird - 13/08/2023 08:00 - Canada

Today, I had to explain to my family why using a registered sex offender as a babysitter is a bad idea. They didn't understand and now my grandmother can't see her grandkids, and my dad is facing a lengthy prison sentence. FML

I agree, your life sucks 566

You deserved it 90

oops_im_fucked 8

Tuesday 23 August 2011 18:53

Vote Op's grandpa!!! 2012!!!

iAmScrubs 19

Tuesday 23 August 2011 18:53

I'm going to get myself a bumper sticker that says "OP's grandpa 2012".

Comments

mb020511 2

Wednesday 24 August 2011 5:06

Lol, your grandpa is awesome (:

ohmandapants 16

Wednesday 24 August 2011 5:15

I see no problems with your grandpa's plans

bullrider92 19

Wednesday 24 August 2011 5:18

Hell,I would get my grandpa to help finance his campaign.Tell him to start campaigning.

ILoveEmoes 9

Wednesday 24 August 2011 5:22

Film the prisoners fighting and make money on making it a reality program! You'll be rich, OP, rich I tell you!

lkrunner101 7

Wednesday 24 August 2011 5:28

I like his thinking

brittanyybee 0

Wednesday 24 August 2011 5:41

I don't see any wrong in your gramps ideas.

Amaya17 4

Wednesday 24 August 2011 5:46

I like the way he thinks!

JackMyBarakat 3

Wednesday 24 August 2011 5:51

Your grandpa is bomb.

stars_fan 0

Wednesday 24 August 2011 5:54

Not a bad start.

evilmeister 1

Wednesday 24 August 2011 6:23

Not your FML, The Prisoners and Pedophiles FML.

Keywords

Gross Animals Cats Poopoo peepee Awkward Love Smells Miscellaneous Embarrassing Health Painful First Dates Christmas Work Social Media Music Grieving Boredom Anniversary Abuse Ironic Intimacy Alcohol Am I overreacting? Drunk Transportation AITA Parents Kids Gun control

The Top

Today, I was eating lunch naked at my home watching porn on the big screen. I heard the garage door opening meaning my roommate was coming home. In my haste to get dressed, I fell back in the barstool I was sitting in and knocked myself out. I woke up still naked and with lettuce all over me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 255

You deserved it 79 299

Today, I found out that my sister is one of those people who thought that "Obamacare" and "The Affordable Care Act" were two different things, and now my niece's health is no longer going to be covered due to upcoming cutbacks. Guess who my sister voted for? FML

I agree, your life sucks 475

You deserved it 144

The Top

Today, I had an interview to be a waitress. Afterwards, I had food in the restaurant, which is where I overheard my interviewer tell the manager he wasn’t going to bother hiring “that girl I just interviewed” because "her face is nasty and she’ll put the customers off their food." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 488

You deserved it 110

Today, I realized the cute guy in my Spanish class only talks to me so he can steal my answers. He asked if I'd give him the answers for the final as well. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 591

You deserved it 262

Today, the elevator broke in my dorm and won't be fixed for several days. I live on the 26th floor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 760

You deserved it 3 862

Today, I woke up feeling a tingling sensation on my testicles. I enjoyed it for a few seconds, then threw off the covers. Looks like there have been cockroaches in my bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 451

You deserved it 10 494

Today, my girlfriend told me she knows I've been cheating on her, and is desperate to prove she's "better than that other slut, or it's over between us." I've been pushed down and forcefully kissed ten times now. All because she saw a pic online of me kissing a girl. It was her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 131

You deserved it 5 041

Today, my mom is threatening to disinherit me because I won’t have a baby. I have three siblings who between them have seven kids for her to obsess over, yet she calls at least once a week and always tries to convince me to get pregnant. Fuck off mom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 343

You deserved it 131

New laws

Same thing different taste

Social reform, please

No contact from now on

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