Dogs, Weird and Animals: Nothing better to do

Nothing better to do

By Anonymous - 28/03/2012 06:57 - United States

Today, I spent 3 hours trying to read my dog's mind. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 162

You deserved it 40 316

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Same thing different taste

Good boy

By fall3nrain - 11/09/2009 21:07 - United States

Today, I was trying to keep myself occupied due to my recent breakup. I was reading this book someone gave me about animal communication, so after a while, I figured I'd give it a shot. Then it dawned on me; I'm single, at home on a Friday night, and I'm trying to talk to my dog. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 806

You deserved it 7 174

By sleepy - 23/12/2009 05:05 - United States

Today, I was trying to read a book for school, but kept falling asleep. Following some advice from a friend I tried reading on the uncomfortable floor. Two hours later my dog woke me up by peeing on my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 200

You deserved it 5 938

He's still a very good boy

By Anonymous - 28/11/2024 12:00 - Australia - Perth

Today, my dog barked at his own reflection in the mirror for five full minutes. When I tried to calm him down, he started barking at me like I was in on the conspiracy that seemed to be going on in his head. FML

I agree, your life sucks 333

You deserved it 102

By aXel - 13/10/2008 08:29

Today, my dog was watching me and started to have a hard-on, for half an hour. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 737

You deserved it 8 325

By lessinterestingthanadog - 08/11/2009 05:28 - United States

Today, I invited the guy I've been seeing to my home for the first time. He spent over an hour talking to my twelve-year-old dog. Occasionally he would look up to ask me a question, but when I answered he would just continue talking to the dog. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 302

You deserved it 3 813

By BadBreath - 09/04/2009 03:43 - United States

Today, I was having a horrible day. I was laying on the couch, crying, when my dog came up on the couch to console me. I was thinking about how great it was to have a dog, because they're there for you when no one else is. As I was sobbing, I heard something. My dog farted into my mouth. Twice. FML

I agree, your life sucks 71 682

You deserved it 9 394

Bad boy

By Anonymous - 05/10/2013 20:23 - United Kingdom - Manchester

Today, I realized that my dog is an evil genius. As I sat down to have a snack, he barked as if he saw someone outside. I went to check it out, but nobody was there. When I returned, I found my dog on the table finishing off my bacon sandwich. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 085

You deserved it 8 762

It found you

By Anonymous - 20/04/2020 02:00

Today, a dog came up to me while I was sitting on my porch. I used my belt as a leash to go try to find its owner. After an hour of looking in the rain, I gave up and let it go. Now I'm back in my house and it won't stop pawing and barking at my door. It's 3:00 a.m. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 256

You deserved it 1 212

By A - 09/02/2012 06:37 - United States

Today, after I spent nearly three hours building an igloo, my dog decided it would be a nice to enter it and take a shit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 690

You deserved it 4 147

Zoning out

By puppylove - 05/05/2020 08:00

Today, my mother found me staring at my puppy's asshole. She had apparently been standing there for 5 minutes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 445

You deserved it 1 808

saIty 17

Wednesday 28 March 2012 12:33

"Why is my master looking at m-SQUIRRAL!!!!!"

missyj0 12

Wednesday 28 March 2012 12:29

Sounds like you need a hobby..

Comments

NickKuiper 8

Wednesday 28 March 2012 12:40

Get a life! At least try to read a worthwhile mind, like a girl.

1crabbygirl 10

Wednesday 28 March 2012 14:41

Girls *do* have worthwhile minds. Why can't I give 2 thumbs up? I have a worthwhile mind and TWO thumbs, FML.

Bigboned38 0

Wednesday 28 March 2012 12:40

Your a idiot, you should run for president

jjake20140 2

Wednesday 28 March 2012 13:00

*You're *an

soupisyummy 13

Wednesday 28 March 2012 14:36

I find it quite amusing that you're calling him an idiot... Haha

Havin 19

Wednesday 28 March 2012 16:13

Dido

iamabamf 17

Wednesday 28 March 2012 19:52

64-I found it quite amusing that they called him "a idiot."

cattrysse44 0

Thursday 29 March 2012 14:39

Clever

pickles2012 5

Wednesday 28 March 2012 12:42

Well, if it worked it wasnt a waste of time, right?

1crabbygirl 10

Wednesday 28 March 2012 14:39

I get your sarcasm.

Toonz321 4

Wednesday 28 March 2012 12:46

Lol

Ifrah 0

Wednesday 28 March 2012 12:49

Lol, maybe you need to get a female dog for that purpose ;)

HolyPotato 9

Wednesday 28 March 2012 16:55

Dafuq. What have you been doing to your animals?

bryanorange 3

Thursday 29 March 2012 0:59

Or his collection.

charlotte69er 7

Wednesday 28 March 2012 12:50

Sounds to me like ur retarded....

Justforlolz 14

Wednesday 28 March 2012 22:06

*You're For the sake of humanity, don't breed.

charlotte69er 7

Wednesday 28 March 2012 22:27

Ewww

marinus_fml 19

Wednesday 28 March 2012 12:51

He was thinking "wtf is this failure doing"

vintagemeow 6

Wednesday 28 March 2012 12:55

It's not surprising that you failed to pick up any thoughts- 'lick own genitals', while being important, is a pretty small thought.

rattusrattus 18

Wednesday 28 March 2012 13:50

I once found this essay on the rights of bitches in my house. Turns out my dog wrote it. Dogs can be highly intellectual when they want.

loopsy_fml 14

Wednesday 28 March 2012 17:57

Really, 50, really?

sublimaze 6

Wednesday 28 March 2012 19:34

If you could lick your own genitals, you would do it all the time too.

SirCharles83 13

Wednesday 28 March 2012 21:51

Shit, if I could lick my own gentiles, I wouldn't leave the house.

insanez58 11

Wednesday 28 March 2012 13:02

did it work?

batummshakalaka 1

Wednesday 28 March 2012 17:10

It's almost like.. Your picture.. Are you the writer of this? Haha. Great dog!

auzz1_pride 9

Wednesday 28 March 2012 17:11

obviously not Captain obvious if he posted it on fml

Rathe 0

Wednesday 28 March 2012 13:03

Wasted three hours reading a dog's mind. Better drink my own piss.

Keywords

Love Embarrassing Poopoo peepee Miscellaneous Christmas Romantic Break-ups Money Annoying Gross Ironic Argument Friends Awkward Cute Haircut Holidays Lonely Relatable Work Bosses Capitalism You're fired Cars Health Covid Cheating Jealousy Kids Parenting

The Top

Today, my boyfriend and I decided to try the ice cubes in the vagina thing we'd read about. He kept sticking one in after another and they got stuck. My vagina had a brain freeze for a half an hour. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 786

You deserved it 3 961

Today, while sitting at my desk at work, a co-worker asked for my help. It was only after I had walked over to his desk, bent over, answered his question, and walked back to my stall, that I felt a breeze. My tube top had slid down across my breasts, revealing my bra to the entire office. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 870

You deserved it 43 620

The Top

Today, I went out to get milk from the garage fridge for my mom. The moment I stepped out, my foot settled on the neighbor's boa, who likes to escape. After my mom finally opened the door to my frantic shouting, she spotted the snake, slammed the door, and locked both of us outside. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 392

You deserved it 2 946

Today, my boyfriend and I dyed our hair. His hair came out good. My hair, on the other hand, came out splotchy, and instead of dark blue, it came out green. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 298

You deserved it 604

Today, while I was shaving my nether regions, my trimmer slipped and ate a chunk out of my balls, right beside a vein. I've been bleeding on and off for an hour, and the New Skin I tried isn't able to dry quickly enough. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 249

You deserved it 8 735

Today, the professionally-installed sex swing ceiling mount my husband insisted on, but never lasted long enough to make use of, was converted into a baby suspension swing for our toddler. He was right about it, but I still can’t admit it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 916

You deserved it 323

Today, I had to take two buses home from a friend's house. After waiting in the cold for the second bus for 40 minutes, it finally came and I realized that I'd left my wallet on the first bus. It took me 2 hours to walk home and I was locked out because my house key is attached to my wallet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 459

You deserved it 7 764

Does this guy really deserve it so many times? And who did it? We know.

I agree, your life sucks 510

You deserved it 150